(Closed) How to tell friends they can’t bring a guest?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We’re doing where unless we know them, they can’t come. Your friend’s reasoning sounds kind of weird but if they’re in a serious relationship it might hurt her feelings that she can’t bring him. That kind of stuff is hard. Can you say that guests can come after dinner maybe?

Post # 4
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

Have it on the invite (one seat will be held for you kind of stuff. There’s lots of different ways to state it). Until you have the RSVP’s all done and mailed tell people “You know, we actually haven’t finalized our guest list yet so I would wait to invite anyone to come with you until you get your invitation. We would love to be able to have everyone bring a date but it just might not work out that way.”

You’re right, no matter what you do someone will always be offended. Don’t get sucked into what I did and have to invite 14 extra people because every joe-shmoe is bringing a BF they talked me into. Put your foot down (in a nice way of course) and just say “No, I’m sorry, I don’t think he’ll be able to come”. If they don’t like it tough. Weddings are pricey. They’ll get over it.

Post # 5
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@FireflyT: Don’t let her try to guilt trip you. My ex MOH tried that with me. If you don’t want someone you don’t know at your wedding, stand your ground.

Post # 6
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

Given the fact that it is a small wedding, I think you should invite the friends without the +1’s and explain to them the situation. If you can make it a consistent rule (without making exceptions for just one or two friends), hopefully they will be more understanding.

Post # 7
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I say no +1 so you can invite more people that are important to YOU and if someone has a problem with it, they aren’t required to RSVP “yes” but that is strictly my personal opinion. I actually told my own mother that she couldn’t bring a plus one, so …. yeah.

Post # 9
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We only let people in long term relationships or married bring a plus one. For anyone who questioned us we told them straight up that we don’t have the money for extra guests that were not on our original guest list and we don’t want to share our special day with people whom don’t even know us. They all seem to understand. We are a young couple just starting out.

Post # 10
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We did long term relationships have a +1, and others we just said ‘while we’d love to give everyone a +1, our venue can’t accommodate that many people, sorry!’

Post # 11
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh yes! This is a heated topic in our home right now. Relatives we have only met a handful of times….bf and dates of friends who we have never met…teen aged kids of guests I have never met and the groom went to high school with.  All of these nice people make me want to kick things and vent.  I put my foot down and said this is my wedding and I would feelmore comfortable surrounded by people who I know and family (kidding). The only problem with us is it is a destination wedding and not too many people are in to traveling alone…but you know what…that plate costs us a pretty penny on top of the rehearsal dinner…the favor…and everything else we are paying for all by ourselves…so I vote for no plus ones.  If they can’t leave that date at home for one night then they aren’t that close of a friend…and for those friends who ask…we all secretly hate that friend.  Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

All adults should be allowed to bring a guest.  I’d sooner invite less people than make people come alone.

 

Post # 14
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I flat out said “no ring, no bring” after a few drinks to a table of friends who have girlfriends surrounding this subject.  The guys were actually thrilled.  This means they can get uber wasted without the worrying about making sure their girls are having a good time.

I understand that folks often want to bring someone so they aren’t “alone”, but the truth is everyone will know tons of people there. That doesnt apply to their situation.

Post # 15
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

@FireflyT: Are you inviting marrieds without their spouses?  Just consider how you would feel if you got a similar invite after you are married.  Not saying you can’t do it, but what do you think?

Post # 16
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

With all due respect, your friend was being very tacky angling for an extra invitation!

We are abiding by the “If you are married, engaged, or live together” you get a plus one. If we would have invited your bf/gf INDEPENDANTLY of you, you get a plus one. If they are a total stranger, we’re very sorry it is a small venue.

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