Post # 1
So I know some say that if your friend is in a relationship they should be allowed to bring their significant other. The problem is my FI and I have A LOT of friends and a budget for only 75 people. Subtracting family and bridal party we only can invite about 20 additional friends. We would really rather invite 20 people that are actually our friends instead of inviting 10 friends and letting each one bring a guest.
One friend was asking if she could bring her boyfriend who we have only met twice and they are very on-again off-again so I told her we may not be able to fit him due to budget. She then proceeded to tell me how “out of all her friends her boyfriend liked us best and he really wants to come” as a way to guilt trip me into inviting him I guess? I seriously doubt he even said any of that, I think she just wants him there. >_<
Anyway the point is no matter what we do some people will be offended. Either a lot of friends don’t get invited because some friends could have a +1 one or other friends get offended they were not given a +1 for their bf/gf.
What should be do??
Post # 3
We’re doing where unless we know them, they can’t come. Your friend’s reasoning sounds kind of weird but if they’re in a serious relationship it might hurt her feelings that she can’t bring him. That kind of stuff is hard. Can you say that guests can come after dinner maybe?
Post # 4
Have it on the invite (one seat will be held for you kind of stuff. There’s lots of different ways to state it). Until you have the RSVP’s all done and mailed tell people “You know, we actually haven’t finalized our guest list yet so I would wait to invite anyone to come with you until you get your invitation. We would love to be able to have everyone bring a date but it just might not work out that way.”
You’re right, no matter what you do someone will always be offended. Don’t get sucked into what I did and have to invite 14 extra people because every joe-shmoe is bringing a BF they talked me into. Put your foot down (in a nice way of course) and just say “No, I’m sorry, I don’t think he’ll be able to come”. If they don’t like it tough. Weddings are pricey. They’ll get over it.
Post # 5
@FireflyT: Don’t let her try to guilt trip you. My ex MOH tried that with me. If you don’t want someone you don’t know at your wedding, stand your ground.
Post # 6
Given the fact that it is a small wedding, I think you should invite the friends without the +1’s and explain to them the situation. If you can make it a consistent rule (without making exceptions for just one or two friends), hopefully they will be more understanding.
Post # 7
I say no +1 so you can invite more people that are important to YOU and if someone has a problem with it, they aren’t required to RSVP “yes” but that is strictly my personal opinion. I actually told my own mother that she couldn’t bring a plus one, so …. yeah.
Post # 8
Yeah I mean I know some people will have a problem with not being allowed a +1 but really no matter what we do some people will have a problem with it.
Post # 9
We only let people in long term relationships or married bring a plus one. For anyone who questioned us we told them straight up that we don’t have the money for extra guests that were not on our original guest list and we don’t want to share our special day with people whom don’t even know us. They all seem to understand. We are a young couple just starting out.
Post # 10
We did long term relationships have a +1, and others we just said ‘while we’d love to give everyone a +1, our venue can’t accommodate that many people, sorry!’
Post # 11
Oh yes! This is a heated topic in our home right now. Relatives we have only met a handful of times….bf and dates of friends who we have never met…teen aged kids of guests I have never met and the groom went to high school with. All of these nice people make me want to kick things and vent. I put my foot down and said this is my wedding and I would feelmore comfortable surrounded by people who I know and family (kidding). The only problem with us is it is a destination wedding and not too many people are in to traveling alone…but you know what…that plate costs us a pretty penny on top of the rehearsal dinner…the favor…and everything else we are paying for all by ourselves…so I vote for no plus ones. If they can’t leave that date at home for one night then they aren’t that close of a friend…and for those friends who ask…we all secretly hate that friend. Good luck!
Post # 12
All adults should be allowed to bring a guest. I’d sooner invite less people than make people come alone.
Post # 13
@Gwent09- Most of my friends are also friends which each other so they wouldn’t really be alone, a lot of them are from a big group of friends in college.
Post # 14
I flat out said “no ring, no bring” after a few drinks to a table of friends who have girlfriends surrounding this subject. The guys were actually thrilled. This means they can get uber wasted without the worrying about making sure their girls are having a good time.
I understand that folks often want to bring someone so they aren’t “alone”, but the truth is everyone will know tons of people there. That doesnt apply to their situation.
Post # 15
@FireflyT: Are you inviting marrieds without their spouses? Just consider how you would feel if you got a similar invite after you are married. Not saying you can’t do it, but what do you think?
Post # 16
With all due respect, your friend was being very tacky angling for an extra invitation!
We are abiding by the “If you are married, engaged, or live together” you get a plus one. If we would have invited your bf/gf INDEPENDANTLY of you, you get a plus one. If they are a total stranger, we’re very sorry it is a small venue.