(Closed) How to tell if I’m ready to be engaged?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Personally I read in this you are not ready? I can’t say for sure without seeing you say it in person to me.  If you are feeling under that much stress or pressure to decide then you very well may not be ready for that yet.  It’s also not a good idea to put planning a wedding on top of it.  Planning a wedding can be so stressful in itself and you really have to be so emotionally ready as well as all other aspects to get married and can handle all its ins and outs.  I had totally great secure friends get on anti anxiety pills planning their wedding. Its nuts. 

Post # 4
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you’re asking, then you’re not ready. I think it’s easy as that.

But, if you really want to make it work, how about make a list of all the things you think you should have done before you get married. Like, travel overseas, meet his family, save up x amount of money, have this kind of job… etc. If you have done all of those things or can do it before your wedding, than maybe you will feel better about the decision to get married.

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Also, if you make that list and there are some things you would still like to do, maybe you could say “Let’s do this before we get engaged. Then we can experience it together!”

Post # 6
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You’re ready when you can’t imagine NOT marrying the person. When anything but being married to them seems crazy. When you get a sense of wonderful peace just thinking about standing  in front of everyone you love and saying: “You, and only you, forever.”

Post # 7
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@ohmybears48:  If you’re asking, then you’re not ready. <this

Post # 8
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Waiting is ok!  You can be happy enjoying each other’s company and nuturing your relationship until you are ready.  You may not have an “Aha” moment, but it will occur to you that you want nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with that person and you want the world to know that you two belong to each other forever. 

A year is not long, you have plenty of time to get to know every little quirk about each other.  Talk to him about how you feel – you have the right idea.  If he’s the guy he’ll wait until you’re both on the same page and your marraige will start out as good as it possibly can.  In fact, it took me a while to realize that it’s not the way he makes my heart flutter, but how even when I’m so.mad. at him I just want him to wrap me up in a big hug and make it ok – and I know he will.  Sometimes experiencing more of life together makes you realize that you don’t want to experience anything apart.  Does that make sense? 

I guess I’m just saying if you don’t feel 100%, it’s ok, don’t rush it, enjoy dating, he sounds like a great guy.  You’ll get there.

Post # 9
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

Ok sure maybe this means you aren’t ready but… I think you are right to be a little worried!  People in their lovey dovey nothing is wrong with my BF bubble can work out badly too because maybe they aren’t being realistic.  Are you normally an anxious kind of person and what exactly are you worried about is my question?  I think you definitely do need to tell him that you do see marriage in your future (if that’s how you feel) and that you want to keep working on making your relationship even better.  I would just be careful about wording what you say so that he doesn’t get the wrong impression.  Maybe it would be good to say hey lets revisit the engagement/marriage talk in 3 months and see how things are going because all the talk is kind of stressing me out?  Just a few thoughts and good luck!!!

Post # 10
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

In my opinion, if you have to ask, you aren’t ready.  You’ll just know and be so confident in that knowledge that no one could shake it.

Post # 12
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@flail.cubed:  I think you will just know it, when you feel ready.

My FI and I moved pretty fast at the beginning too. And even though I knew he was “”the one”, I wasnt ready to be engaged yet. I wanted to live together for a while, take vacations, and just date and be together. After a few years of that, I was ready and I just knew. You will get that feeling eventually too, but there is nothing wrong with waiting.

Post # 13
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Whatever you end up doing I wish you two the best of happyness. Focus is always good I find.  

Post # 16
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you would really benefit from Sheryl Paul and her conscious transitions website. Not to discount what everyone is saying here, but it is NOT true that if you have to ask, you aren’t ready. That is bull. Period. I wasn’t excited or “happy” or relaxed about being engaged until 3 months AFTER the engagement. Do I love my fiancé? With all my heart. Do I believe we are an absolute GREAT match? 100% Do I struggle with life’s transitions because I have an anxious personality that needs to know the outcome of everything before it happens? Absolutely. Especially, read the interview with Alannis Morrisette on that website. Sheryl has been on Oprah etc. as well discussing what is referred to as engagement anxiety. It is taboo. It is the often shhhhhhh’d emotion that MANY women go through. It is just NOT true that engagement is all roses and joy and bliss. This is shocking, I know, BUT Not every woman has been dreaming of her wedding and longing for a ring her whole life! I certainly wasn’t! I honestly felt no longing for a proposal, don’t care about the ring, don’t care about thefancy wedding. But I care about HIM, and that is why my anxiety and panic over getting a ring really threw me for a loop!!

Never fear. If you know he is the right man, you will get through this transition in a few months, an be joyously planning your wedding before you know it. ๐Ÿ™‚ Once I dealt with the fact that my fear had nothing to do with my love for FI, and everything to do with my anxiety over big life changes, I settled into being a fiancé quite comfortably. Our wedding that we were going to do in 2013, is in 7 weeks.  ๐Ÿ™‚ Message me if you want to talk. And try not to search for answers in too many places ๐Ÿ™‚ look inside. 

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