How to tell ILs I don't want to go on family vacation with them?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Aquaria:  I would talk to your partner first and see what his feelings are. Maybe he doesn’t want to go without you. I think it’s sweet to get the whole family together and while it might not be your ideal choice, it may be worth it to suck it up in this case.

Post # 4
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No lie, I’d get out now while I could! I went on a trip like this (2 adult couples, 3 single adults, 1 child, 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom and a partridge in a pear tree). I ended up sharing a full size bed with another adult and a toddler. It was positively miserable despite being in a tropical paradise with all my expenses paid. I was honestly looking forward to the trip, and also felt a tad guilty about one of the couples having bought my plane ticket but I promise I’ll never ever do it again. I didn’t have a moment of true relaxation the entire time.

Post # 5
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Aquaria:  …just tell them that you or someone you care about has hepatitis…people hate that shit and ask ZERO questions once you play that card…it’s awesome

Post # 6
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would have told them sooner since they already paid for you unless they can be reimbursed the money. I would also ask your hubby what he thinks about it because perhaps he wants you to go with. It may be a fun time. Besides, you won’t be spending a ton of time in the room anyway.

Post # 7
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We just passed on doing a trip with SO’s family to see his mom’s relatives. We would be traveling separately, and would have to travel on July 4th and come back July 7th. Tickets are expensive and we can’t justify spending that kind of money right now when it’s not a reunion or party. It’s just his mom visiting her brother and I think one other family might visit. (she has like 6 siblings) His family is going for a week, and we could only do a long weekend. I’m also in the middle of summer classes so it would really be hard on me homework wise.

So, SO apologized and said this just wasn’t a good time for us. We’ll do a family trip another time.

Post # 8
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can you book your own accommodation? It would give you an escape for some peace and quiet.

I hardly think they paid for your acommodation when at least one couple is going to be sleeping with 2 kids in their room (don’t know if that is you or the other couple). Normally the adults would have one bedroom and the kids the other.

Post # 9
3006 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

 I’d sit him down ASAP and be up front with him. I totally don’t blame you for not wanting to go! Just because someone pays your way doesn’t mean that it’s going to be a care-free, stress-free, amazing time that you should be totally on board with. I don’t do family vacations with his family. We’ll go visit relatives for a few days, but I just turned down going to a timeshare with them all for a week. I told DH that it’s stressful, and doesn’t feel like a vacation. Booking your own accomodations sounds like a perfect solution, if it’s do-able.

@Nona99:  I love you, hilaroius Nona.

Post # 10
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Nona99:  HAHAHA, good idea! TB would work, too!

If they already paid for you, seems like it would be hard to get out of.

Post # 11
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

No, i don’t think so since they already paid for you. 

Post # 12
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Have you talked to your husband?  Knowing how he feels will really help you decide what to do next.

My FILs are great and very generous, but often buy us tickets to things without asking first.  They used to do this for FI a lot and it was fine when he was yonger and single.  Now being older and a couple we have a lot more obligations and often are not free for these they already paid for.  FI just tells them thank you but we are not able to attend.

Post # 13
3588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Aquaria:  Did they ask first, or did they just assume you were going and pay for the trip?  If they didn’t bother to ask first, I’d say let them learn a nice little expensive lesson about making other people’s plans for them.

Post # 14
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Could you give us more details – where is the trip to, was this trip discussed/planned, does your husband want to go?

To me, if your husband wants to go – you go. It’s not always fun but that’s what you do. And to me the 3 bedroom 6 adults, 2 kids thing isn’t that bad. You will have your own bedroom I assume because whoever has the two kids will either share their room or have them sleep on a couch. You can always get away with your DH. You don’t have to spend every waking moment with family but they’ve paid for your trip, they obviously want you there so I think you suck it up and go.

Post # 16
3006 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

That sucks, OP. Agreeing to this 2 months ago when you were told it was a 5 bedroom beach HOUSE is totally different circumstances to it now being a 3 bedroom condo! I’d feel blindsided by it. But, unfortunately, if your DH wants to go, looks like you’re stuck. Bright side is, it’s free. Will you and him still have a bedroom to yourself? Surely there will be times you 2 can be alone. Make sure your DH makes that happen! 

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