Post # 1
Maybe I’m just cranky and hormonal and tired but I am sick. to. death. of my in laws questioning everything I do now that I’m pregnant. My husband mentioned we’re cloth diapering – my MIL’s response? “Won’t that give my grandbaby rashes? Cloth diapers are just awful and outdated.” We told them the name – “Are you sure there aren’t any others you’re considering? What about DH’s name Junior?” We also asked them to keep the name a secret, but they told people anyway, saying they just needed to “check with others and make sure its not too weird of a name”. My husband and I told them we couldn’t meet up with them for dinner on Friday nights anymore because we have a natural childbirth class. Their response? “Why don’t you just sign up for a C-section? Stop trying to be a hero. A c-section is the only safe way to have a baby.” You can’t make this stuff up. I could give probably 90 more examples!
So basically I just shut down and stopped giving them any information because they question EVERYTHING. But now I’ve noticed I can’t even have a normal conversation with them without it coming up! MIL said I looked tired the other night and I told her I was fine, just a little worn out from Zumba class. She gasped and told me I had NO BUSINESS going to Zumba (even though my doctor is thrilled I’m still working out during pregnancy and encourages it!). UGGGHHHHHHH.
I’m starting to get really worried that it’ll be even worse after the baby gets here. How do I tactfully tell them to shut up and stop questioning us? My DH thinks they’re doing absolutely nothing wrong and that they’re just making conversation…So I need to shut it down in a way that doesn’t hurt his feelings :/
Post # 3
“STFU and mind your own business.”
“I don’t remember asking you, but thank you for giving your opinion anyway.”
“I’ll give your opinion all the consideration it deserves.”
i’m not very tactful…
Post # 4
I’d probably just keep telling them that you trust your doctor/midwife/your research more than their opinion. Your DH really needs to step up for you; you shouldn’t have to defend yourself/your choices against his family. :
Post # 5
I would just say ‘Dh and I will decide what is best for our baby’, ‘Or oh, we discussed that too, but we have decided we feel more comfortable with this’..
Post # 6
Also – how do I keep from resenting them over this?! I really really liked them… and then I got pregnant.
Post # 7
@ellebeerob: “I am under the care of educated and liscensed doctors and I trust their opinion”
repeat ad nasueam.
Post # 8
@ellebeerob: i’m sorry… It’s so annoying, and sadly, yes it does get worse when the baby comes. I haven’t found a way yet and my son is one… Now I’m pregnant again and delaying the announcement as much as possible.
I just repeat that I know whatever she suggests is a possibility, but that I prefer the way I chose.
I don’t know when the resentment stops.
Post # 9
Oh you poor thing. I had IL’s from hell myself. You just think they’re butting in now, just wait until the baby gets here. Your husband needs to take care of the situation, not you. They are HIS parents. Maybe he could have a “chat” with them. My situation became worse once he could talk because then she would check up on me to ensure I was cooking supper (and not getting take-out) by calling him every night after dinner and ask him what he ate for dinner. She always had criticism of me. Of course, she didn’t particularly like me either. We tolerated it for just so long until one day my husband blew his stack and went over and told her to “F” off. They’ve been out of our lives for 12 years now and we sure don’t miss them either. I hope you husband can reign them in while it’s early. If not, you’ll be tolerating their intrusion every way you turn. Good luck.
Post # 10
@mommytobee: That’s what I was afraid of. They live 5 minutes away but I need to get my DH on board with setting some hard boundaries for them after this baby gets here. They are totally the type who will go against our rules/wishes and dismiss it as ‘spoiling the grandbaby’. I think its even harder on me because my parents are 6 hours away and are totally cool with whatever we want to do – and I’m even more resentful that the irritating disrespectful set of grandparents are the ones who will get to see my baby all the time.
Post # 11
Also, you can tell her that numerous studies have been done comparing C-sections to natural childbirth, and every one that I’ve read has found that natural childbirth provides health benefits to the baby. For example — C-section babies don’t get exposed to as much bacteria on the way out, limiting the natural colonization of intestinal bacteria, and leading to a higher incidence of allergies later in life.
Post # 12
@ellebeerob: yup. They live 5 minutes away too, and at some point decided that it was ok to just drop by without notice while DH isn’t here, twice per week, just because they miss their grandson that they saw two days before..
this situation was my breaking point and I addressed it with DH.
Post # 13
I might also add – my MIL takes everything that I’m doing differently than her as a dig that her parenting of my DH wasn’t good enough. Since I’m cloth diapering, breastfeeding, making our baby food, and planning for a natural birth and she didn’t do any of those things, she takes it that I’m trying to one-up her and think her way wasn’t good enough. We also didn’t take the recommendation for a babysitter she knows because the lady lives 30 minutes out of our way and is about 85 years old and she was miffed by that too.
I just wish my DH wasn’t so up their butts that he could see how much they bother me and how much they’re interfering.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Woah. Aside from how annyoing this is, they are sadly misinformed. Cloth diapers reduce rashes and are often recommended by pediatricians for babies with sensitive skin. C-section has a much higher risk of complication than vaginal birth.
I would just stop telling them things. You could also try to educate them about your choices. I imagine at some point, if I were you, I’d end up snapping at them and telling them that you have done your research and can make your own decisions.
Post # 15
Wow nothing is more annoying then people with strong opinions on things they know nothing about.. Instead of shutting off try and stand up for your decisions. ” Actually scheduled c-sections aren’t recommended anymore because..” “I want to use cloth diapers since..” “My doctor recomments continuing exercising because..” and give her some updated research, statistics, or whatever your doctor says so they realize you know what your doing and you are NOT changing their mind. I think they would be less likely to give their opinion on everything if they realize they dont know best and that it won’t sway what your going to do anyways. That sounds so frustrating though… and yeah unfortunately it sounds like they may be the same way after the baby comes. This is what I am afraid my MIL will be like as well…
Post # 16
Oh my. You’re scaring me as what’s to come with my IL’s bc MIL esp. is a little crazy. Sorry, dear, that just sucks. Maybe “kindly” say to them, I appreciate you trying to help (ha…yeah right), but we are going to be just fine figuring things out on our own with our own methods. Or just ignore them, that’s what I had to do with my IL’s for insane wedding suggestions, I’m sure the pregnancy ones/ child-rearing ones are right around the corner (I’m only 5 weeks). As difficult as it may be, I would try hard not to be too mean to them, as crazy as they may be, you’ll probably still want your child to have a good relationship with them, not to mention help from them. When I think my MIL is complete bat shit crazy, I try to remember she did raise DH, and he turned out pretty awesome. *hugs*