How to tell ILs to butt out?

posted 1 year ago in Pregnancy
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee

“STFU and mind your own business.”

“I don’t remember asking you, but thank you for giving your opinion anyway.”

“I’ll give your opinion all the consideration it deserves.”

 i’m not very tactful…

Member
11349 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’d probably just keep telling them that you trust your doctor/midwife/your research more than their opinion. Your DH really needs to step up for you; you shouldn’t have to defend yourself/your choices against his family. :

Member
537 posts
Busy bee

I would just say ‘Dh and I will decide what is best for our baby’, ‘Or oh, we discussed that too, but we have decided we feel more comfortable with this’..

Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee

@ellebeerob:  ”I am under the care of educated and liscensed doctors and I trust their opinion”

repeat ad nasueam.

 

Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee

@ellebeerob:  i’m sorry… It’s so annoying, and sadly, yes it does get worse when the baby comes. I haven’t found a way yet and my son is one… Now I’m pregnant again and delaying the announcement as much as possible. 

I just repeat that I know whatever she suggests is a possibility, but that I prefer the way I chose. 

I don’t know when the resentment stops.

Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee

Oh you poor thing.  I had IL’s from hell myself.  You just think they’re butting in now, just wait until the baby gets here.  Your husband needs to take care of the situation, not you.  They are HIS parents.  Maybe he could have a “chat” with them.  My situation became worse once he could talk because then she would check up on me to ensure I was cooking supper (and not getting take-out) by calling him every night after dinner and ask him what he ate for dinner.  She always had criticism of me.  Of course, she didn’t particularly like me either.  We tolerated it for just so long until one day my husband blew his stack and went over and told her to “F” off.  They’ve been out of our lives for 12 years now and we sure don’t miss them either.  I hope you husband can reign them in while it’s early.  If not, you’ll be tolerating their intrusion every way you turn.  Good luck.

Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee

Also, you can tell her that numerous studies have been done comparing C-sections to natural childbirth, and every one that I’ve read has found that natural childbirth provides health benefits to the baby. For example — C-section babies don’t get exposed to as much bacteria on the way out, limiting the natural colonization of intestinal bacteria, and leading to a higher incidence of allergies later in life.

Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee

@ellebeerob:  yup. They live 5 minutes away too, and at some point decided that it was ok to just drop by without notice while DH isn’t here, twice per week, just because they miss their grandson that they saw two days before..

this situation was my breaking point and I addressed it with DH. 

Member
7934 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Woah. Aside from how annyoing this is, they are sadly misinformed. Cloth diapers reduce rashes and are often recommended by pediatricians for babies with sensitive skin. C-section has a much higher risk of complication than vaginal birth.

I would just stop telling them things. You could also try to educate them about your choices. I imagine at some point, if I were you, I’d end up snapping at them and telling them that you have done your research and can make your own decisions.

Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

Wow nothing is more annoying then people with strong opinions on things they know nothing about..  Instead of shutting off try and stand up for your decisions. ” Actually scheduled c-sections aren’t recommended anymore because..” “I want to use cloth diapers since..”  ”My doctor recomments continuing exercising because..” and give her some updated research, statistics, or whatever your doctor says so they realize you know what your doing and you are NOT changing their mind. I think they would be less likely to give their opinion on everything if they realize they dont know best and that it won’t sway what your going to do anyways. That sounds so frustrating though… and yeah unfortunately it sounds like they may be the same way after the baby comes. This is what I am afraid my MIL will be like as well…

Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee

Oh my. You’re scaring me as what’s to come with my IL’s bc MIL esp. is a little crazy. Sorry, dear, that just sucks. Maybe “kindly” say to them, I appreciate you trying to help (ha…yeah right), but we are going to be just fine figuring things out on our own with our own methods. Or just ignore them, that’s what I had to do with my IL’s for insane wedding suggestions, I’m sure the pregnancy ones/ child-rearing ones are right around the corner (I’m only 5 weeks). As difficult as it may be, I would try hard not to be too mean to them, as crazy as they may be, you’ll probably still want your child to have a good relationship with them, not to mention help from them. When I think my MIL is complete bat shit crazy, I try to remember she did raise DH, and he turned out pretty awesome. *hugs*

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