How to tell kids about engagement (accidentally closed thread)

posted 2 years ago in Encore
Post # 2
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think that, since you’ve been with FI long enough to build a good relationship with his children, your engagement won’t be a shock to them. I do think it’s a good idea for your FI to speak to them alone first for the initial news and reaction- followed up a day or two later with a talk that includes you. If you’ve already been building a relationship with them and their father is very much part of their lives, this should reinforce the fact that you’re joining their family not stealing their dad. It’s a shame their mom would hurt their feelings out of her own bitterness 🙁 but yours and FIs actions will help make them feel secure enough to know this isn’t true. As for how much to involve them in the planning, I’d gage their desire in wanting to be involved- let them know their input is welcome but being teens they may not be overly interested in wedding planning even if they’re happy for you and their dad. What about including them in a post-wedding family vacation- depending on your finances/ available time off work….. could you do a honeymoon just for you and FI followed a few weeks or month later by a sort-of family-style honeymoon/ trip that includes them as well (even a weekend getaway)?

Post # 3
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Sedona Golf Resort

mstrunchbull:  with teens there is no good way-no matter what they will feel some kind of way about it especially if mom is in their ear-I know from experience. So I agree he should tell them alone, provide them with a “safe” way to process and definitely include them in the wedding. 

I have a teenage daughter and a younger one,  they were both included in our ceremony. The officiant even had vows for them to take which included respecting the marriage. As long as they don’t feel like outsiders it will be fine and dont worry the teen years, they won’t last forever. 

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