Post # 1
I’ve been friends with my best friend for 10+ years, and when we were teenagers we would always talk about being eachothers’ MOHs. Fast forward to the present…and I really feel like it’s the right thing to do to have my sister as my MOH. She’s family! So I’m looking for advice on a gentle way to break the news to best friend that my MOH will be my sister. My sister does live in another state so I do still want best friend to help me out with wedding stuff.
Any advice on how to tell her?
Post # 4
@FutureMrsWebb_1227: I’m not sure what advice to give you, but this is sort of why I’m not goign to do MOH and just have a group of BM. I don’t like thinking about who is my “best” friend or sister. They were all there for me in my life, at different times, in different ways, and I hate that the designation of MOH can cause a lot of drama. I’m not saying that that will work for you, but I hadn’t really considered NOT doing it the MOH/BM way until I started reading a lot of alternative blogs.
Post # 5
Unless there’s a really pressing reason, why make either the MoH? Esp if you’re thinking of bestowing the title on your sister but bestowing most of the work on your bff, which is kind of what I heard in your post.
Post # 6
I would tell her
“She’s my sister, so she HAS to get the MOH title. But you know you’ll be the real MOH there! We’re like sisters by choice!”
Post # 7
Why can’t you have two MOHs, or not have one at all? I haven’t “officially” appointed a MOH, basically all tasks are split between whoever puts their hand up for it first. My sister has been helping organise the whole wedding, and my best friend is doing a speech at the wedding. Neither of them are upset at not being the one and only MOH, and they don’t mind sharing the jobs either – they’re pretty good friends anyway!
Post # 8
@FutureMrsWebb_1227: “I’m having my sister as MOH because, well, she’s my sister. I know we said we’d be each other’s MOH as teenagers, but I didn’t appreciate family so much we were teenagers“.
In my opinion you should never be bound by a childhood pact to be each other’s MOH/BM. I sometimes wish there was a way to ban girls from making them!
Post # 9
She’s your best friend, she won’t care that she isn’t your MOH. I bet she just wants to be there for you on your big day 🙂
Post # 10
It’s understandable to feel the “need” to have your sister get the MOH title. Are any of them married? Can you have a maid & matron?
Post # 11
My friend did this to me. She picked her sis over me bc she “had” to and honestly, it was hurtful. No matter how you say it, it’s going to hurt your friend. I don’t understand “having” to pick someone bc they’re related to you. She didn’t even get along with her sister! She fought with her the ENTIRE time. And I didn’t get why not pick 2 MOHs if she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling? Were my feelings less important than her sisters? IDK, whatever.. I still did a TON of stuff for her bc I was happy for her – just as much as her MOH. So the answer is, there’s nothing you can say to spare her feelings other than that she’s your MOH.
Post # 12
Is that a normal thing, to talk about being maid of honor in someone’s wedding? I never once had a conversation like that, ever.
Post # 13
Thanks for the comments and advice everyone. Some pretty good insights here. I never really thought about having 2 MOHs, but that is definitely an option. Neither of them are married so I can’t do a maid and a matron.
Post # 14
Why can’t they all just be bridesmaids? You don’t have to upset anyone this way!
Post # 15
@Holly77: I like that solution too. I only had two girls (sister and best friend) and called them both bridesmaids.
Post # 16
I’m very close with my sister and I want her to be the MOH. She’s my younger sister and we have a close-knit family so I know she’d be really happy if I gave her this distinction. Plus, FI already has a best man picked out so I want to have at least one MOH