how to tell my best friend? This is tough…

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Mrs.H2B:  Unless there’s a chance she will find out from someone else, wait until 12 weeks and then give her a phone call to break the news.  Do it by phone (try to do it when you know her husband will be home too) and let her get off the phone quickly so she can grieve if she needs to.  She will probably be upset because it happened so fast for you while it’s not working out for her.

I would keep the call short and sweet, “Hey friend, I just wanted to share some news.  Husband and I are pregnant and I am due on EDD.  I wanted you to hear it from me first.”

Post # 4
Member
2197 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

If it were me, I’d tell her. But I can’t lie well AT ALL. I would hate for more time to pass and her find out when you are much farther along. Especially since you said she would tell you right away. It’ll be difficult no matter what since it’s so sensitive. I would just be as delicate as possible. 

Post # 5
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Mrs.H2B:  Put her fertility issues aside and the fact that she said she would tell you immediately- would you tell her you were pregnant before 12 weeks?  If you arent telling anyone but immediate family before 12 weeks – I wouldnt tell her…unless of course she asked you straight out. 

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Post # 6
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@MrsBaldEagle +1

She said she would tell you but would you tell her? Or are you and DH waiting until 12 weeks? If she straight up asks you then I’d tell her yes and let the chips fall where they may. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Post # 7
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Honestly, I would give her a heads up, call her or even text her and let her know… say it’s really early, but I wanted you to know (like she would do for you).  Let her process it and grieve and let her come to you when she’s ready.  Congratulations on your pregnancy though!

Post # 8
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think I would tell her. But I think you should do it not face to face… I think she may have a hard time coping and will not want to show you she is sad but in reality probably will have some hard feelings. She even told you she would, she clearly is under the impression yo uwouldn’t get pregnant right away :/

Its a tricky situation, but I could see her later being hurt you hadn’t told her right away, when she mentioned she would tell you right away.

Post # 9
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if you would have told her anyway at this time, i think you should tell her in person.

you can laugh and cry together.

 

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

We told family at 7-8 weeks, so I would wait to tell her after your family knows, before you start telling friends.

Post # 11
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Mrs.H2B:  I would tell her whenever you feel comfortable doing so. You weren’t lying to her the other night – it wasn’t really the time or place to break the news.  If you want to tell her tonight, great. If you want to wait until you’re further along, that’s fine too.  If she’s a true friend, she will be happy for you and while she may hurt inside, she will eventually get over it. 

Post # 12
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

you are super early, I would wait until you get the OK from your OB.

Post # 14
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Mrs.H2B:  Don’t feel like you lied to her. If it were me, I’d wait until 12 weeks to tell her, but that is what I am doing with my friend. When it comes to that time, I am calling her to tell her.

I wish you good luck in whatever you do. Don’t feel pressured to tell her if you don’t want to. And congrats!

Post # 15
Member
2184 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

Even though she’ll need time to process the information, I would tell her. She’ll be excited for you, even if it takes a little bit of time. If I were in her shoes, I think I’d be more upset if you waited to tell me. (I’m reading this as you’re best friends, share everything and if she weren’t having issues, you’d definitely tell her.) I told my best friend pretty much immediately after telling my husband. She’s more my sister than anything. 

Post # 16
Member
1563 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would tell her as soon as you can but not in person. Here’s an article that a member from Hellobee posted a while ago: http://www.hellobee.com/2013/05/24/how-to-tell-your-infertile-friend-that-youre-pregnant/.

Telling your friend over the phone gives her a chance to express that she is happy for you but sad for herself. I think it would be so much harder for her if you told her in person as she would have to spend the rest of the night with you trying to show you how happy she is for you when she may be hurting very badly inside.

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