Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for about 4 months – and those months have been wonderful!
My dad has really come around to the idea (he was really shocked at first) and thus far, other than a few “friends” comments, everyone has been great about the engagement.
But I haven’t told my extended family yet. I’m wouldn’t call myself super close to my extended family. I see them about once or maybe twice a year – generally at the annual family Christmas party (which happens a week or two before Christmas) or one other major family event (like a wedding or graduation).
Well… the annual Christmas party is coming up on Dec 8th and I have no idea how to tell these people I’m engaged. I think maybe one tech savvy family member knows because he follows me on Facebook but other than that, I don’t think anyone knows.
How do I tell them?
I’m the baby of the family (at 23!) and I don’t want them to go into shock that I’ve suddenly grown up and gotten engaged.
And? I haven’t been with my fiance for very long – we’ve known each other since high school but our romance has been rather quick – but with that said, I couldn’t be anymore confident and sure in my decision to marry him. He makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be.
So… how do I tell them and avoid the awkwardness and possibly not-so-enthusiastic statements? This is a party afterall and I don’t want to bring the mood down or turn the (negative) attention to me. That would make for a long night… or a very short night where I leave in tears…
Or… is there a way to bypass possible akwardness? Or the bad comments?
(Sorry for the long post – I’m a little sensitive when it comes to emotions since I’ve gotten engaged)
Post # 3
If you aren’t particulary close to them but there’s a get together around christmas make up a card with the two of you in christmas hats and hand it out at the get together. Then you can have a quick chat as you hand them out and get back to christmas. Or if there is a group email sent out to organise the time and location, contact the organiser and get them to attach it to the email.
Post # 4
Another option I was considering…
Just not say a word unless it is brought up. I could then just send an announcement right after the party and avoid the possibility of awkwardness.
(Yeah, that’s how paranoid I am)
Post # 5
@ElyseD: Yeah… I probably wouldn’t say anything. It’s been four months, I’m assuming the really important people already know. If someone else brings it up then awesome.
I let my parents handle the families – I would have found it so weird calling up people I see maybe once a year to anounce it. To me it’s kind of “look at me” behaviour – which is fine with people that you’re close to and interact with regularly but not so cool with people you don’t really have a relationship with.
Post # 6
I would have my mom tell them (or even tell them myself with my mom around – she wouldn’t allow any BS comments) but she passed away in 2010. So… if someone is gonna tell them, it’s gonna be me. And that is just… terrifying. I wish I had my mom’s guts.
So if I try to not tell them… do I just not wear the ring? Or do I wear it and if someone brings it up just act all excited and like I was waiting for them to notice it the whole time?
Post # 7
Relative: ElyseD, how have things been?
You: Great! FI and I got engaged recently which was really exciting.
Done. Most people will ask some variation of “how have things been?” (even if they don’t really care), otherwise just wear your ring and if it comes up, it comes up.
Post # 8
I’ve dealt with my family and their bad behavior by avoiding it all as much as I was able to growing up. This year and next I am taking a different stance, if they want to make horrible and awkward remarks I will call them on it and/or make it obvious that it was awkward.
“Are you getting married now because you got knocked up?”
“Wow that was really an awkward and rude thing to say, We got married because we love each other. Why did you get married?”
If the awkwardness really bothers you just don’t say anything at all until you decide to send out the invitations. All the extra effort of engagement shoots, save the dates etc are making weddings even bigger productions than they need to be now, so why not keep the correspondence really simple and leave it until the wedding?
Post # 9
Yeah, I’m probably overthinking it. Of course they’ll be excited (or so I sincerely hope and pray!)
I don’t think I could just casually mention it though – this is big news. There hasn’t been a wedding in my family for YEARS, plus, I’m the baby of the family and the daughter of a family member no loner with us. So, it’s big news no matter how I slice it. I just want them to take it as big good news – because it is big great, amazing, wonderful, happiest year of my life news.
It’s not like my extended family is evil – they are wonderful people. I just know that my family can tend to get catty and a bit gossipy sometimes. But if it happens, as hurt as I’ll be, I’ll just call them out on it.
And if all goes to hell, I’ll just leave. But I can’t lie that it would really hurt because they are my family and I do love them – even if I don’t see them much anymore.
I’m sure they’ll be happy – I’m just paranoid that the shock of the baby in the family getting married will cause some not so nice comments to leave their mouths. But hopefully, everyone will be on their best behavior.
I just gotta work up some courage before I walk through the door. Lots and lots of courage.
Post # 10
So… I want your thoughts about how I plan on telling the family:
Since my aunt and uncle are generally the first people I greet when I walk through the door, I figure I’ll hug them and then say, “I’d like you to meet my fiance, Jesus”.
Figure they will notice and hopefully notice my excitement and be happy and not mean or catty.
Post # 11
@ElyseD: Have they ever met him/would they have known you were in a relationship? If not, you risk causing more drama – you’ll be wrongfooting them as soon as you walk through the door and I think you’d have to be prepared for the reaction to be shock rather than delight! I’d just introduce him with his name and let them get to know him a bit first.
Post # 12
They’ve never met him although everyone knows I’m in a relationship.
The thing is, unless I choose to not wear my ring, people are gonna notice within a few minutes of walking through the door that I have a ring on my finger. And then the questions will come.
I guess I just think the shock is gonna be a given -I’m just gonna have to brace myself for it.
And I would just not say anything but I think there is one cousin who knows because of Facebook. And if he knows and everyone else doesn’t, that’ll be huge drama I’m just not willing to deal with.
I just figure doing it quickly as I walk through the door would be easiest, give me a bit of one-on-one or really small group time to tell people.
I guess the key is, I’m not looking for approval – just to have a good time with my family without drama. I’m hoping and praying that they see that and just go along with it the way another branch of the family has and the way my church friends have.
Post # 13
If you’re not super close to the extended family, like you stated. I see no big deal with just telling them the way photogestelle said. That’s a perfectly appropriate way to announce your engagement to people you rarely speak to. Try not to overthink it. Maybe some of your hesitation is with the loss of your mom too (so sorry about that, hope you are okay), perhaps your emotions are elevated because of that but take note: many people announce engagements exactly the way other posters have commented on. It’s not weird to mention it in that type of setting. Personally, I think many of them will enjoy hearing from you, first hand, that you’re engaged, rather than seeing it on FB.
Let us know how it goes!
Post # 14
If anyone gives you any trouble just shrug it off. Even though you haven’t been a couple for too long you’ve known your fiance for a while. I think just telling them when they ask how you’ve been would be a good way to go. And the most important thing to remember is that you have your dad on your side. It may not be his side of the family, but his opinion counts more than the opinions of people you see once or twice a year.