How to tell Partner I may have an STD?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’d be upfront and let him know that at the beginning of your relationship, you were tested and treated for chlamydia, and that while your post-treatment tests were clear, you are now showing symptoms. Had you told him about your initial infection that was treated while you were in a relationship? Did you have intercouse during the time you were treated or before?

Was he tested prior to your choosing to stop using condoms (I hope so!)? Many people with chlamydia don’t have symptoms, so if he was not tested before, he may have been infected and spread the infection to you after you stopped using condoms. This isn’t anyone’s fault – these things happen and what’s most important at this point is to ensure both of you (and any other partners who may potentially be affected) are tested and treated.

Post # 5
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@Anonhere:  I would tell him straaight up…if you were treated and cleared before getting intimate with him, if the test IS positive, it could have only came from him. So yea…I would be confronting him as soon as I got those results back!

Post # 6
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Anonhere:  Then you did everything right (although you didn’t mention if he was also tested). I know this is really embarassing to deal with and it’s a difficult thing to say to someone, but it’s an infection and it’s passed between people who are intimate – it happens and provided it’s treated and precautions are taken, it’s not the end of the world. You took the proper precautions on your part to protect yourself and your partner and if he blames you given that you were responsible about getting yourself tested, you can’t change his mind.

Post # 7
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Just tell him straight up (but only if you do indeed have an STD) how you were tested, and treated, and then results came back clean before you slept with him. What else can you do?

If he gets a call from the health people he’ll likely know it was you anyway… so it’s not like that bodes any better for your reputation or whatever.

If he dumps you over this then really it wasn’t meant to be and it’s a good thing you found out early on that he’s not the “through sickness and health” type.

 

Post # 8
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

First of all, don’t borrow trouble and worry about this until you KNOW you have one.

Second, you need to tell him yourself, options 2 and 3 are ridiculous.

Post # 9
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t think you should hide this or tiptoe around it or especially feel bad about it! From the sounds of it, it appears your new bf is the one who gave you the STD! I would certainly put all of the facts out there the minute you get your test results and make sure he gets tested and treated if necessary. This is really serious and could have a huge impact on your reproductive health, so don’t sit on it.

And, it goes without saying that a person who can’t handle that kind of news from their partner is not the person you want to be with long-term, either. If you don’t feel like you can be 100% honest with him without it impacting your relationship, then that is a huge, huge red flag.

Good luck and best wishes!

Post # 11
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@Anonhere:  There is no other way. Logically, and medically, unless you are the virgin mary implanted with an STD, or you cheated on him, he HAD to have given it to you. If you are positive, who knows you may not be.

Post # 12
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

@MsJ2theZ:  +1

it doesn’t really seem possible that you have an STD unless you got one from him. If you do I would just explain the history sequence and ask him to get tested too – and then treat it. 

I doubt he’ll break up with you, you were guys were being safe, and you made a safe call by being tested and treated before. these things happen. 

Post # 13
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Anonhere:  Why didn’t HE get tested before you stopped using condoms?

I’m going to be very blunt: if you can’t trust him enough to tell him about the STD without worrying about his reaction, then you can’t trust him enough to not use condoms. You’ve been dating for three months – how on earth could you know or trust him well enough to know that he wouldn’t cheat on you, exposing you to even more STDs? 

Post # 14
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wait until you have the results, and if you have it let him know because he most likely passed it to you unless you cheated. IF you were faithful, don’t blame yourself because your symptoms cleared before you got intimate with him. Lesson that should’ve been learned the first time – unless you guys have been tested together and cleared for STD’s, you know for a fact that he’s a faithful guy, and you’re ready for the off chance you’d get pregnant – don’t have sex without condoms. Don’t put your sexual health in some else’s hands. 

 

Post # 15
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

@Anonhere:  Wait, so you were tested, but he wasn’t and you still stopped using condoms? Sounds like he gave you something. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have him get tested….

Post # 16
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@Anonhere:  First, stop being intimate with him – especially unprotected. Wait until you get your test results. If they are positive then have a discussion with him and let him know he needs to get tested. With such a short relationship so far it might not survive, but that’s the responsibility you take on when deciding to have unprotected sex.

Not hating, my FI and I have ALWAYS had unprotected sex (by that I mean protection from STDs, I’ve always been on BC). But you have to take responsibility for you decisions.

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