(Closed) How to tell people they aren’t invited…?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

You have to be really confident in your choices!  You and your FI picked this for a reason, you’re excited about it, so don’t apologize for it!!

I would word it something like, “well, we would love to have everyone we know there!  But, unfortunately, our guest list is really limited and we’re excited to celebrate with you when we get back!”

Would you consider doing an at home reception so everyone can come to that?

Post # 5
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I totally agree with the pp…. and to help ward off any other sticky situations like that I might avoid posting things via facebook. We have LOTS of people we’re close to in our church (we’re very involved) but there was no way we could invite even half of them…. I stayed away from posting ANYthing via facebook b/c I didn’t want to run into anyone getting upset or start asking too many questions. lol

Post # 6
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Ooh tough one. Would you consider having a small “friends” reception when you get back? It doesn’t have to be fancy…just an opportunity for all your friends to celebrate your new marriage with you. If you were considering something like that, I’d probably say something like “Unfortunately because of our budget we can only invite family to the wedding, but I would love to have a small friends reception when we get back so we can celebrate with all the people we love. You should definitely wear your Goofy hat to that.”

Post # 7
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

i just posted something a little similar (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/rsvp-9) …

i have a situation where people are inviting other people.  im basically having my maid of honor/sister take care of getting in touch with them and letting them know while we wish we could open the wedding up to more people, our venue has size restrictions and we simply cant afford to add more people than what we have.

its not going to be easy (which is why i vented) but its YOUR day so in the end, YOU have to be happy with the decisions!

 

best wishes!!

Post # 9
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

You totally have an easy out since you can only have 18 people.  18 is really low!  Just say that while you’d love to invite everyone, you’re really limited because of the package you have chosen.

But you might not have so many questions if you don’t post details on Facebook!  Mum’s the word.

Post # 11
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Yes, in the future, refrain from publicly posting about your wedding.

In answer to your general dilemma (telling people they aren’t invited when they wrongly assume they are) keep it private, short, and tactful. The person has already violated etiquette by assuming they are invited, so your only job is to tell them otherwise — nicely but firmly. Send any communication about it via personal message or e-mail if you must, but a phonecall will remove all chances of ambiguity.

If the person is invited to your at-home celebration: “Fiancename and I are having a small and private ceremony, but we very much look forward to celebrating with you at our at-home reception — I’ll let you know all the details ASAP and I really hope you will be there to celebrate with us!”

If the person is not invited to the private or the at-home reception: “Fiancename and I have elected to have a very small and private ceremony, but thank you so much for your nice comment.”

 

Post # 12
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I swear people must not know how much weddings cost, I would have loved to have everyone that I know be there to celebrate but it’s just not possible. Not to mention people always have something to say about “destination weddings” anyway. They are mad that they are not invited or mad that they are, and that you would even expect people to spend that type of money to go to your wedding. You will never make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. Someone will be mad, left out, jealous, or a variety of other emotions.

BostonBaby said it best; let them know that because of your location you are limited to immediate family, but plan to celebrate with friends when you return. You may want to send out a save the date sort of card to your friends and those who will not be at the wedding with your plans. That way you will not have to sound like a broken record when word gets out which we all know won’t take any time at all. Even if you just have a party at home with a video or photos of the event, so they can see it. You could keep the same theme as the wedding if you choose; or heck, get one more use out of your dress! Let’s be honest most people really just want to see the dress and go to the reception anyway.

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