Post # 1
I’m having an Escape wedding in Disney World.
This is the smaller package for them and it’s the one I could afford. This means I am restricted to having only 18 guests. My immediate family takes up almost all the slots and DF is using the last three for his people (he only has like three people, so it works).
Unfortunately… I have friends back home… and we had all planned on attending each other’s weddings since highschool and I just got a message from one of them today after I wrote a facebook status about wanting goofy hats at my wedding to out-goofy Will and Kate. She’s all excited because she has tons of goofy hats to wear, yay.
How in the world do I go about that? I feel like no matter what I do, I will sound like the jerk boss from ‘Office Space’ coming around the corner with a coffee mug and saying “Yeeeaahhh… about that….”
Post # 3
You have to be really confident in your choices! You and your FI picked this for a reason, you’re excited about it, so don’t apologize for it!!
I would word it something like, “well, we would love to have everyone we know there! But, unfortunately, our guest list is really limited and we’re excited to celebrate with you when we get back!”
Would you consider doing an at home reception so everyone can come to that?
Post # 4
I know I will want to throw a lil’ bash at home (after I get my photography package arrives so I can have that on display at that at home one). I hope that would be good enough….
Post # 5
I totally agree with the pp…. and to help ward off any other sticky situations like that I might avoid posting things via facebook. We have LOTS of people we’re close to in our church (we’re very involved) but there was no way we could invite even half of them…. I stayed away from posting ANYthing via facebook b/c I didn’t want to run into anyone getting upset or start asking too many questions. lol
Post # 6
Ooh tough one. Would you consider having a small “friends” reception when you get back? It doesn’t have to be fancy…just an opportunity for all your friends to celebrate your new marriage with you. If you were considering something like that, I’d probably say something like “Unfortunately because of our budget we can only invite family to the wedding, but I would love to have a small friends reception when we get back so we can celebrate with all the people we love. You should definitely wear your Goofy hat to that.”
Post # 7
i just posted something a little similar (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/rsvp-9) …
i have a situation where people are inviting other people. im basically having my maid of honor/sister take care of getting in touch with them and letting them know while we wish we could open the wedding up to more people, our venue has size restrictions and we simply cant afford to add more people than what we have.
its not going to be easy (which is why i vented) but its YOUR day so in the end, YOU have to be happy with the decisions!
Post # 8
alright… this is what i posted back after her excitement about wearing her hat
so maybe that’s… subtle enough to give her the hint without saying “you can’t come”?
“oh i should make that the theme of my at-home celebration after the disney world wedding. “Out Goofy Will and Kate’s Goofy Guests”. Then you can totally wear your hat!
Post # 9
You totally have an easy out since you can only have 18 people. 18 is really low! Just say that while you’d love to invite everyone, you’re really limited because of the package you have chosen.
But you might not have so many questions if you don’t post details on Facebook! Mum’s the word.
Post # 10
@tarlonda: oh but it’s sooo hard to keep quiet. i just want to talk about it to anyone and everyone. i guess it’s a good thing there are outlets like this.
Post # 11
Yes, in the future, refrain from publicly posting about your wedding.
In answer to your general dilemma (telling people they aren’t invited when they wrongly assume they are) keep it private, short, and tactful. The person has already violated etiquette by assuming they are invited, so your only job is to tell them otherwise — nicely but firmly. Send any communication about it via personal message or e-mail if you must, but a phonecall will remove all chances of ambiguity.
If the person is invited to your at-home celebration: “Fiancename and I are having a small and private ceremony, but we very much look forward to celebrating with you at our at-home reception — I’ll let you know all the details ASAP and I really hope you will be there to celebrate with us!”
If the person is not invited to the private or the at-home reception: “Fiancename and I have elected to have a very small and private ceremony, but thank you so much for your nice comment.”
Post # 12
I swear people must not know how much weddings cost, I would have loved to have everyone that I know be there to celebrate but it’s just not possible. Not to mention people always have something to say about “destination weddings” anyway. They are mad that they are not invited or mad that they are, and that you would even expect people to spend that type of money to go to your wedding. You will never make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. Someone will be mad, left out, jealous, or a variety of other emotions.
BostonBaby said it best; let them know that because of your location you are limited to immediate family, but plan to celebrate with friends when you return. You may want to send out a save the date sort of card to your friends and those who will not be at the wedding with your plans. That way you will not have to sound like a broken record when word gets out which we all know won’t take any time at all. Even if you just have a party at home with a video or photos of the event, so they can see it. You could keep the same theme as the wedding if you choose; or heck, get one more use out of your dress! Let’s be honest most people really just want to see the dress and go to the reception anyway.