How to tell someone I didn't invite that they are not welcome to attend

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ok, buying you a wedding dress is strange. I would return it and say, “thank you, but I have my own dress”. Explain that you are eloping but would be happy to meet up for coffee afterwards.

Post # 3
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014

This is.. Odd. Can you call her and tell her thank you for the dress, but it isn’t appropriate and return it? And reiterate that you are ELOPING… In a private affair? 

Post # 5
Member
2245 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sandy85:  this is very strange…especially the wedding dress part. I would be concerned that she might have some mental health issues.

Post # 8
Member
6869 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Just tell her you are sorry but you have planned this to be a private ceremony and celebration, but that you’d love to see her when you are home and settled. 

It is very weird that she sent you a wedding dress. Was it the one you wanted? If not, feel free to return or sell it. She doesn’t  have to know. Or just say it will come in handy on your trip. 

Post # 9
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

sandy85:  Sounds like stalker-ish behavior, to me. Too bad she already has your home address. Send back a note, with the dress and block her on Facebook, ASAP!

P.S. Are you friendly enough with one of her parents, to talk to them about the situation? I’d be concerned that this inappropriate behavior should be address, not just ignored.

Post # 10
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The fact that you’re eloping gives you the best excuse ever. You just simply tell her that you’re eloping & it’s just you & your man. 

I’m a little weirded out about the wedding dress gift! I wouldn’t even do that for someone that I’m currently really close with. I would send it back with a sincere thank you card that states that you already have one. But state how thankful you are & how sweet & thoughtful it was. And then just go on with your life.

Post # 11
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

sandy85:  who on earth would just assume a bride wouldn’t want to pick out her own wedding dress? This girl is stage 5 clinger status and you need to put a firm and clear stop to it right now. Return the dress and say thank you so much but you already have one, you are having a small intimate ceremony but you would love to celebrate with her over dinner or a drink some other time.

It’s not your responsibility to make this girl happy, especially at the expense of your own comfort on a milestone day in your life. Saying no to someone when they are being presumption is not being rude or unkind, it’s your right.

Post # 12
Member
5233 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

Oh my goodness! I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your best friend from high school has come unhinged. Maybe offer to meet her somewhere to return the dress, and reiterate that it’s a true elopment with just you, your mate, and the officiant — nobody else. If she keeps asking, use the Broken Record technique. This is where you keep repeating the exact same thing in the exact same tone of voice over and over.

Her: I can’t wait to see you get married!<br />You: It’s a true elopment. There won’t be any guests.<br />Her: But I can come though, right? We were best friends!<br />You: It’s a true elopment. There won’t be any guests.<br />Her: But I bought you your dress!<br />You: It’s a true elopment. There won’t be any guests.

I suspect she won’t take it well (because she is apparently not rational — who sends a bride an unsolicited wedding gown!) but don’t feel bad. This is not on you!

(edited for typo)

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Daisy_Mae.
Post # 14
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

sandy85:  Now it’s getting stranger. I’d suggest looking into changing your phone number, too (get an unlisted one, with no forwarding from the old number).

Post # 15
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definitely sounds like she has a few issues. I would be kind but keep your distance overall.

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