How to tell someone they are no longer a bridesmaid…

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

If she is that bitter towards you, makes you that uncomfortable, and you already don’t really speak anymore, I would just stop all communication.  She’ll probably get the hint.  I’d just stop speaking to her completely (also hate confrontation).

Post # 4
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

“You are the weakest link. Goodbye!”

Post # 5
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I agree with PP to not say anything at all since you rarely communicate as it is.  If she brings it up closer to the wedding, let her know that you made some changes a while back and since you and her were no longer communicating she is no longer a part of your bridal party.

Post # 9
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@TheLawrenceBride:  No need to give an explanation.  You’re not friends anymore by the sounds of your description so there is no need to explain why she’s no longer a bridesmaid.  Explaining it would likely lead to more hurt feelings or start a conversation where she worms her way back into the bridal party.

If she were a friend and you were dropping her for another reason, then she would definitely deserve an explanation.  However, from the sounds of it you could care less if you ever see her much less hang out with her again so the shorter and sweeter the better.

Post # 10
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You probably don’t need to say anything, given her recent behaviour. However, you should let the other girls in your bridal party know not to communicate with her about wedding party stuff going forward.

However, I do have to say that I think being clear with her is better, even though it is really awkward. “Melissa, the way you have been treating me is really hurtful and disrespectful. I no longer feel comfortable having you in my wedding party.” At least that way, there is no misunderstanding.

Post # 11
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Just don’t bother speaking to her. I had a similar situation, although my friend hasn’t been rude. My three oldest/closest three friends had always said ‘bridesmaids!’ for when I got engaged. When I actually did get engaged in September, she put a nice comment on facebook, but I haven’t seen her at all. I organised a dinner with my three girls, where I planned to ask them ‘officially’ but she made excuses that she would be ‘late and do her best to get there’. She never came, and text me three days later saying ‘Soz’ and that she missed me. I was still annoyed and didn’t trust myself to reply, and she hasn’t reached out since, so I’ve just moved on.

Not too concerned about her feeling left out – if she couldn’t be excited, and around for the meal, or make any effort since, why should I waste time and money including her in our celebration?

Have an amazing day, with the people who love you and your FI – don’t worry about anyone else.

Post # 12
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...



op I wouldn’t bother you already basically lost contact no point in getting in touch just to tell her that.

Post # 13
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@chercee:  agree completely.

Confrontation is not always the funnest thing, but in light of the way your relationship has progressed it seems like telling her straight up will be relatively easy and mess-free. Just so she knows for sure and you can stop thinking about it.


Post # 14
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

i can’t believe everyone is saying you can just not tell her, and she’ll assume. if it was a matter of whether she was INVITED to the wedding…sure, sometimes letting stuff die off naturally is easier and less messy, but you asked her to be a bridesmaid. at one point you were quite close. obviously she’s realized that you’re not that close anymore bc you don’t see one another, but i wouldn’t presume to know what you were thinking, were i in either of your shoes. 

clarity is best, and i think it’s the adult way to handle this one.

Post # 16
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@TheLawrenceBride:  I think you need to say something to her as well.

“Hey Becky, we have grown apart over the last year so I am not comfortable having you as a BM anymore. I hope you understand (and can still making it to the wedding**)”

Only add that last part if she is on the guest list.

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