Post # 1
When FI and I first started planning the wedding about a year ago, I asked one of my friends to be a bridesmaid. Somehow now I have ended up with 7 (not including her), 4 close family members and 3 very close friends. Now, I am very ready to admit that I am easily pushed into things, and I hate offending people, but I do want these girls as my bridesmaids even though it seems like a lot (and they are going halves on their dresses with me so I can afford it). However, this particular girl, who I will call X, and I have become very distanced since I asked her. On top of that, her behaviour and attitude completely changed. I’ve lost a lot of weight. After having children, I got very big, and worked very hard to lose 4 stone and 10lbs (that’s 66lbs total). Instead of being happy for me, every time I saw X she would emphasise how big I still am. Even on my birthday night out, I asked her if I looked alright in my outfit and she said “well, you’re quite big, but you look ok”. She also started to talk about me behind my back, and make little comments basically saying that my FI was interested in her rather than me, which is ridiculous as, although it’s not like he can’t stand her, he’s never really given her the time of day. She was always making bitchy comments, and going out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable and insecure. As a result of this, we stopped hanging out much as I didn’t really want to be around her, although we didn’t have a falling out. We saw each other six months ago on a night out, and I saw her three months ago at a birthday party, but that’s the extent of contact we’ve had in the past year. Obviously because of all these things, I don’t think it makes sense for her to be a bridesmaid anymore. My question is, how should I tell her? Or do you think I don’t need to, as she must have realised from the lack of contact, and the now-minimal friendship between us, that she would not be part of the bridal party anymore? I absolutely hate confrontation lol
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
If she is that bitter towards you, makes you that uncomfortable, and you already don’t really speak anymore, I would just stop all communication. She’ll probably get the hint. I’d just stop speaking to her completely (also hate confrontation).
Post # 4
“You are the weakest link. Goodbye!”
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I agree with PP to not say anything at all since you rarely communicate as it is. If she brings it up closer to the wedding, let her know that you made some changes a while back and since you and her were no longer communicating she is no longer a part of your bridal party.
Post # 6
@canarydiamond: haha I second this!
Post # 7
@canarydiamond: LMAO! I don’t have the balls for that, but I wish I did!
Post # 8
That is what I was planning on doing, I just wasn’t sure whether it would be considered rude not to give her an official “you are not a bridesmaid anymore” explanation. But at the same time, we’re in the same friendship circle (although a lot of our mutual friends have gone off her lately, apparently since she doesn’t have me to put down anymore she is doing it to everyone else instead) and I don’t want to start a load of drama by coming out and telling her what she most likely has assumed on her own anyway lol
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@TheLawrenceBride: No need to give an explanation. You’re not friends anymore by the sounds of your description so there is no need to explain why she’s no longer a bridesmaid. Explaining it would likely lead to more hurt feelings or start a conversation where she worms her way back into the bridal party.
If she were a friend and you were dropping her for another reason, then she would definitely deserve an explanation. However, from the sounds of it you could care less if you ever see her much less hang out with her again so the shorter and sweeter the better.
Post # 10
You probably don’t need to say anything, given her recent behaviour. However, you should let the other girls in your bridal party know not to communicate with her about wedding party stuff going forward.
However, I do have to say that I think being clear with her is better, even though it is really awkward. “Melissa, the way you have been treating me is really hurtful and disrespectful. I no longer feel comfortable having you in my wedding party.” At least that way, there is no misunderstanding.
Post # 11
Just don’t bother speaking to her. I had a similar situation, although my friend hasn’t been rude. My three oldest/closest three friends had always said ‘bridesmaids!’ for when I got engaged. When I actually did get engaged in September, she put a nice comment on facebook, but I haven’t seen her at all. I organised a dinner with my three girls, where I planned to ask them ‘officially’ but she made excuses that she would be ‘late and do her best to get there’. She never came, and text me three days later saying ‘Soz’ and that she missed me. I was still annoyed and didn’t trust myself to reply, and she hasn’t reached out since, so I’ve just moved on.
Not too concerned about her feeling left out – if she couldn’t be excited, and around for the meal, or make any effort since, why should I waste time and money including her in our celebration?
Have an amazing day, with the people who love you and your FI – don’t worry about anyone else.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
op I wouldn’t bother you already basically lost contact no point in getting in touch just to tell her that.
Post # 13
@chercee: agree completely.
Confrontation is not always the funnest thing, but in light of the way your relationship has progressed it seems like telling her straight up will be relatively easy and mess-free. Just so she knows for sure and you can stop thinking about it.
Post # 14
i can’t believe everyone is saying you can just not tell her, and she’ll assume. if it was a matter of whether she was INVITED to the wedding…sure, sometimes letting stuff die off naturally is easier and less messy, but you asked her to be a bridesmaid. at one point you were quite close. obviously she’s realized that you’re not that close anymore bc you don’t see one another, but i wouldn’t presume to know what you were thinking, were i in either of your shoes.
clarity is best, and i think it’s the adult way to handle this one.
Post # 16
@TheLawrenceBride: I think you need to say something to her as well.
“Hey Becky, we have grown apart over the last year so I am not comfortable having you as a BM anymore. I hope you understand (and can still making it to the wedding**)”
Only add that last part if she is on the guest list.