How to tell someone they are not a bridesmaid?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Did she ask you about the dress? How did you answer?

It would have been best to shut down the BM talk at that time. Just say “FI is only having X guys. It breaks my heart but I think I’ll just have the local girls. This way you won’t have to travel for extra wedding events but we’ll still be able to celebrate together.” 

Post # 5
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Warhol_Girl89:  Have you considered just making her a bridesmaid? It doesn’t sound as if there’s been any real rift between you so why hurt her? 

I can’t think of any good way to explain to someone that you previously promised to make a bridesmaid that you’ve changed your mind – particularly when the other people you promised along with them made the cut and they didn’t. 

You never know where life will take you. It’s possible that in the future Z may be a friend who comes through for you. I’m not sure it’s worth risking/ending the friendship now over allowing her to stand up,with you.

Post # 6
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Zhabeego:  I think you made some valid points, but have you ever read a ‘bridesmaids drama’ post on the emotional board? It seems like more than half the time the problem stems from the bride making someone she has grown apart from or has a rocky relationship with a BM. Being a BM can be a lot of stress, and weddngs often bring up a lot of insecurites in the bride – relying on someone you’re growing apart from for emotional support seems to lead to disaster more often than not. 

It doesn’t sound like there has been a rift, no. But it does sound like the friendship has basically run its course and the OP and her friend are turning into different people who just don’t connect anymore. That’s the kind of problem that’s not really fixble and I think it’s a plenty valid reason. Personally I think that your bridal party shouldn’t be dictated by who you feel obligated to have stand up with you. It should be made up of your best friends. 

@Warhol_Girl89:  OP, I commend you for being so emotionally honest and I think 

@AlwaysSunny‘s answer is a perfect way to tactfully break the news.

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m in the same situation – my three closest friends from school/college had always been keen to be my bridesmaids, but after the engagement, one, A hasn’t bothered to come to dinners/outings, so I’m not interested in her being in the bridal party. I’ve just not bothered texting her, to be quite frank. If she’s a decent friend, and she really wants to be a part of your day, she’ll take a hint and try, if not, no worries. Just because she was a close friend in the past, doesn’t entitle her to anything. People that have put in the work and been around and available are the people you’ll be able to count in this exciting time. Xx

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