Post # 1
Ok, my FH and I have been planning our wedding since 09/09 and have always stressed that we want an “intimate” event. We were even planning a destination wedding initially, but then decided against that because of our families’ reactions and not wanting to make everyone spend money on traveling. We ideally wanted no more than 80 for our ceremony/reception, but have already gone up to 120-130 (knowing that roughly 20-30 won’t come) to include his parents’ list of friends. We said it was okay for them to invite more if they were willing to pay the $100+/person cost, which they didn’t seem to want to do. Now my FFIL wants to know when people RSVP ‘no’ so that he can replace them with someone else to invite from his “reserve” list. I’m not okay with this, as I’ve already had to compromise a lot, but my FH doesn’t seem to understand why this isn’t okay. Am I alone on this one? Or does anyone else out there understand where I’m coming from?
Post # 3
I would tell him he had the chance to invite anyone and he chose not to. If they were that important he should have been willing to spend the $ to invite them.
Post # 4
Just tell him that the guest list is final and you feel uncomfortable doing that.
You could be sneaky and say ok, but not tell him anything.
Post # 5
Agreeing to this would be unfair for the other parents who did pay for their guests and didn’t ask for the same treatment. I would not be comfortable with this either. S
Post # 6
I wouldn’t be comfortable with this. I would either have FI tell him no, or I wouldn’t say a thing!
Post # 7
I would just tell the truth. Tell him you invited more than you really anticipate, and that you really are hoping to keep it around 80…less would be even better to help with costs.
Post # 8
Besides, most of the “no” responses come right at the end, so by the time you get the RSVP, it’ll be too late to invite anyone else. It’ll be totally obvious they’re B list.
Post # 9
I fully understand where you are coming from.
I think you and FI should do this together and FI should back you up. Then there is no question. Tell FFIL that the list has been finalized and no additional invitations will be mailed or issued. You have every right to enjoy a wedding with your friends and family and shouldn’t be made to entertain anyone beyond that circle. If regrets are received, I look at it as saving money that can be used in another place!
Post # 10
“Thanks for being involved, but we’re most comfortable handling the guest list ourselves. We will be sure to let you know if you should start thinking about inviting any more people, but it isn’t looking like that will be necessary.” Repeat every time he tries to bring this up.