- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
You found the hotel? I am a little confused, sorry. Who booked the hotel and planned the party? They are buying the dresses, which is normal. What do you mean you payed for everything else? Like shoes, hair, and stuff?
No I know of a hotel. No not hair and all that. I mean the whole wedding me and my fiance are paying for it. Mind you with no help from anyone. I dont feel like I should have to pay for the bacholorette party too.
Well, while it's gracious if they DO decide to pay for it, I think to adamantly refuse to help out at all (chip in for your own room? transportation? something?) isn't really right. You can't just tell them you WON'T pay a dime for your own bachelorette party, it comes across rude. particularly if you send them links to the hotel or anything like that. Let them throw it for you, offer up your portion of the room (maybe if there are 10 girls, it's not a big deal, but not everybody's friends can afford to cover you also, even if you are paying for the wedding) because it's just the right thing to do. Chances are they'll refuse your money though, but if not, go with it.
Yeah, you really can't just refuse to pay for it. You should always offer to pay--if they say no and cover you, that's great, but you should be prepared to cover your portion. No one owes you a bachelorette party, and if you don't want to pay for one, that's fine, but be ready for them to say they can't afford to cover you. If that happens, you either have to pay for yourself or go without a bachelorette party. For my party, all we did was go out to dinner and then go out on the town--I didn't end up paying for anything. However, if there had been a hotel room involved, or specific transportation, I absolutely would have felt obligated to chip in. It's great that you and your FI are paying for your own wedding, good job! But, that doesn't necessarily mean your girls have to pay for anything other than their dresses and their transportation to and from your wedding. Everything else that they might pay for is a great and unexpected gift!
There will only be one room we will be sharing. Cake and Some grown up games lol and some liquor.....
Ditto all the other posters- while it's great if they can do it for you, you can't expect that they do. Offer to pony up, then be delightfully suprised when they refuse.
I have to disagree with the other posters on this thread. The bride is not supposed to pay for the bacchelorette party at all! That's an event the bridesmaids plan and they pay for. It's not unheard of for them to ask the bride to foot her fraction of the bill, although IMO that's not appropriate.
However, if your bridesmaids are the ones paying for it, then your bridesmaids should make the final decision about what kind of party (and where). You can suggest the hotel, but in the end it's their event to plan. If they decide to go cheaper than the hotel you found, then so be it.
I think it depends what you mean that you found the hotel. I "found" the hotel for my bachelorette party too. I get a friends and family discount at a large chain, so politely suggested that "if by chance" they were planning to get a hotel, it might be wise to have it be this one, and I'll put the booking under my name, and then it would only be $40 a night!
If you have requested a bachelorette party that's beyond their means and what they intended to plan, you may have to chip in.
I too would have to disagree with some of the posters. I believe the bridesmaids should throw the party and the bride should not have to pay for anything at all.
I even went out to NYC for my sister in laws bach. party and the dinner that i ordered was cold, so i sent it back... anyways. i still had to split the entire check with the rest of the maids even though i didnt eat anything.
I just dont think the bride should have to pay for anything.
No matter how you rationilize it you cannot vocalize that you will not be helping to pick up the tab at your bach party especially if you have had a hand in planning the event. While it is customery for your BM to pay for you when you go out it is never ok for you to vocalize this expectation.
I think I need more details about what you mean by "found" the hotel. Like you picked it and booked it, or suggested it? I think that if they plan something on their own for your bach, then they should cover your expenses, but if you're telling them when/where to have it, then you should offer to pay your own way because they may have picked someplace less expensive or something more low-key.
While the bride "should not" pay, in theory, to tell them, "i will not pay" isn't right. I would NEVER let any of my friends pay for their bachelorette parties, but if they approached me and said, "ya know, i'm not paying", i'd be really taken back.
You could bring along a couple bottles of champagne for the party, too! Gracious bride? =]
It depends on who is PLANNING the bachelorette party. If you are planning it, then you should have a hand in paying for it. Typically the bachelorette party is planned and financed by the BMs. However, if you are making reservations and planning out games and stuff, you are basically dictating to them the type of party you want. In that case, you should chip in. If you don't want to pay...maybe take a few steps back and allow your BMs to come together and plan your bachelorette party on their own.
I have the nosiest little sister in the world...but other than selecting the dates and the guestlist, I didn't let her dictate anything else. It's our job as BMs to plan and pay....her job as the bride to show up and have fun. The only information we have really given her is the dress code and the location =) This applies to both her bridal shower and bachelorette party.
I agree with Boston Bee. Technically speaking, a bride shouldn't have to pay for her bachlorette party. However, she also shouldn't have any part in planning the party, aside from offering up possible dates and extending discounts if available (as per SapphireSun's post). The more you, as the bride, attempt to dictate, the less right you have to a free ride.
MOH is planning. I suggested we do it a hotel party... I know of a hotel with pretty cheep rates... I didnt book anything. If they want to go with something else thats fine. It was just a suggestion.
Are you sure they aren't planning on paying for it themselves? It's true that a bride does not normally pay for any part of the bachelorette party, and they may already know that. The usual way to approach this would be to say nothing about it, and then they would pay for it gracefully. Have they said anything that implies to you that they're expecting you to chip in?
I agree with Jaimaica bride... If you arent planning it - the girls are doing all of it, you dont have to pay.
but once you start dictating where and when and how much stuff is gonna cost, you are kinda obligated to pitch in.
for instance. I dont really care where it is, if they want to throw me a party more power to them, i have already offered my sister $$ and begged her not to do anything expensive since i dont want my girls forking over a lot of $$ but she wont take any $$ from me.
now if i had sent my sister/MOH a list of things they HAD to do and a hotel they HAD to book - i would be definately pitching in some $$ because you are dictating how much they have to spend...
make sense? clear as mud?
Bridesmaid should pay; but you shouldn't be telling them that they have to pay. Most likely, as you get to the restaurant, they will offer to pay your share, and that is when you should offer to pay once, and then they will insist to pay, so then you say thank you :) If they don't offer to pay for your share, then you shouldn't beg for it. As for the hotel, one of the girls will most likely pay for it and get reimbursed from the other girls. However, I don't think you should be paying for stuff and then asking to be reimbursed. Let them plan and pay for stuff, decorations etc. but telling them that you don't want to pay is rude since they most likely know in the first place that they are sharing the cost between themselves.
I know traditions differ greatly from the US to here in Australia.
My wedding will be largely paid by FI and 1 and I am having one bridesmaid as I can really only afford one. I will be paying for her dress, hair and makeup. She has a family of her own and I don't feel right asking her to foot the bill of the wedding I have chosen to have. That was my decision, as I would rather do that and have my best friend on my wedding party then have her decline because of the cost involved. Not that she did decline or in any way say that she can't pay for it, it was just my choice before I had even asked her.
I won't be having a Bacheorette party (or hens night as I think they are called her). Its an added expense I don't need, and I would rather stay at home watch some chick flicks with some friends and my daughter the night before my wedding.
I also did not have an engagement party, although I am thinking about having a BQQ with close family and friends when our son is born and making it a bit of a show off the baby / engagement party tyoe of event.
But as i said, traditions seem to vary greatly between cultures, especially on this sort of issue. I wouldn't ever call someone rude or selfish, I think thats uncalled for. But I do think you need to consider your girls finances and also family comitments.
Regardless of your belief about whether the bride should pay or not, you can't tell your bridesmaids to throw you a party and pay for it. While bachelorette parties are usually "expected" they are still thrown in appreciation, not because that is what they have to do. It would be nice if they covered your cost, but you definitely can't tell them it is their responsibility to pay for you.
How about I just dont say anything about money and if they ask for some than I will help but if they dont than woohoo for me... lol
This is my understanding of bachelorette parties:
Your bridal party may (or may not) decide to host one for you. If they do so, they are supposed to plan and pay for it. If they so choose, they may ask you for input when it comes to planning. However, if they cross that line, they are opening themselves up for suggestions that might be out of budget, which could end in resentment (theirs) or disappointment (yours).
Your job is to be the gracious guest at whatever event they can put together for you.
So, they should not be asking you for money, and you should not be making demands (I'm not saying you are). I think suggesting a hotel is cool if they ask for your help.
You are the bride and shouldn't have to worry about extra things like this! Relax and enjoy!
I always thought the Bachlorette party was thrown and paid for by the MOH or bridesmaids. I think though that means they plan the entirety of it so you should not have booked the hotel. I suppose the bride should offer to foot the bill for her portion but I think the bridesmaids should not accept it.
@almostarolax: That is the perfect situation! I would try to stay out of the planning as much as possible and be open to what they want to throw. They shouldn't ask you for money. If you wanted to be nice, you could maybe bring a bottle of wine or liquor to contribute? Even bake some cookies for you guys to snack on while at the hotel?
I think if they are throwing you a bachelorette party, which traditionally, should be a surprise, then of course you wouldn't be paying for it. However, if you get involved in the planning/arranging, those things, then it changes a bit. Let them plan it, and if there is something that comes up, offer to pay. - Like maybe a round of shots at the bar(in the hotel, or wherever) or even bring a little something with you-to the party. Bottle of wine, little shot glasses.. or something bridal--something to show that you appreciate and want to try to contribute. But try to stay out of it, and maybe set aside a few dollars to spend, just in case!
Try not to worry about the finances.. you're Getting Married!! Try to just enjoy being a bride for the first and last time!!
With mine, we're paying for everything as far as the wedding goes, but I'm also helping with my bach. party because 1. my sis is unemployeed, 2. one of my friends is working on her PhD and doesn't have lots of money 3. pretty much everyone was giving my sis a hard time about money. Yeah, I know that's not traditional and it is extra money we don't really have, but it's going to be fun. So I understand your problem with paying, I just think that it'll be fun and splitting a room shouldn't be that bad of a price (it's what we're doing). Hopefully they'll remember what a cool bride you were when they get married and on your wedding day when you can't find your other shoe and you're freaking out (I say that last part because I'm always losing something and I know I'll be freaking out because I'm running late). No matter what, i hope you have a great time!
I think they should pay, and I hope for your sake that they offer to, because if it comes down to the end of the night and they ask you for cash... that's a shame, but I can't see a polite way to say, "I'm the bride and I'm not chipping in."
I would give them the benefit of the doubt though, I think most bridesmaids know that the bride doesn't usually pay.
Thing about paying for the wedding, is that the wedding is a party you're throwing for yourself. Of course you would pay - what are you going to do, charge admission? The bachelorette, on the other hand, is a party that someone else is throwing for you. So hopefully they'll have the same sense of etiquette that you do, and not ask you to pay.
The whole point is to have fun! 
You'll have a better time at your party if you and your girls agree on what you all can afford to do. Otherwise the money stress will ruin the fun. I think everyone should split costs so noone feels angry. Maybe you can cover the room and let the girls bring drinks and games.
In my single experience at a bachlorette party, the bride planned it at a luxurious hotel in a big city three hours away. She had everyone drive all that way! Her mom paid for the hotel rooms, but we were 3 girls to a double bed. She also didn't tell us that we were expected to pay for the limo! A lot of the girls just didn't have the money on them ($50 a piece or so?) and it was really uncomfortable. She ended up taking everyone's cash and then had her mom cover the difference. We then went to 3-4 clubs and each had to shell out ANOTHER $40 in cover charges before drinks. Compared to the cost of the wedding, it's no big deal, but it could be to your friends.
The whole point is to have fun! You'll have a better time at your party if you and your girls agree on what you all can afford to do. Otherwise the money stress will ruin the fun. I think everyone should split costs so noone feels angry. Maybe you can cover the room and let the girls bring drinks and games.
In my single experience at a bachlorette party, the bride planned it at a luxurious hotel in a big city three hours away. She had everyone drive all that way! Her mom paid for the hotel rooms, but we were 3 girls to a double bed. She also didn't tell us that we were expected to pay for the limo! A lot of the girls just didn't have the money on them ($50 a piece or so?) and it was really uncomfortable. She ended up taking everyone's cash and then had her mom cover the difference. We then went to 3-4 clubs and each had to shell out ANOTHER $40 in cover charges before drinks. Compared to the cost of the wedding, it's no big deal, but it could be to your friends.
If I were you I would be 'prepared' to chip in, but graciously accept if they offer to cover my costs. I agree the bride shouldn't pay, but every situation is different and you can't expect everyone to agree to pay for the bride. Suggesting an inexpensive hotel was a good idea, they will at least get the hint that you are trying to cut costs.
I agree with the other posters. While you probably should not pay, you should at least offer. I know it seems like you are paying for the entire wedding (which my fiance and I are also doing ourselves) but you have to put yourself in their shoes. You decided to have a wedding with all the costs, not them. So in your case, here is what I gather they are expected to pay for:
1. $80 dress, which they may or may not like
2. Hair/Makeup
3. Accessories/Shoes to match, not sure if you are specifying type they should wear
4. Shower Gift (plus throw a shower)
5. Bachelorette Party
6. Wedding Gift.
That's really a lot, particularly if your maids do not have a lot of money! I know that most brides do get showers and parties thrown for them, but my advice is not to come across as feeling that you are entitled to it (even though every bride IS entitled to feel like a princess!) I've just been a bridesmaid so many times and it does get very expensive to keep showering the bride with presents, parties, etc. And here in Hawaii, the BRIDE pays for the wedding party's dress, and usually hair and makeup too, sometimes even shoes.
...Also, since it seems like you are in a pinch, you might just want to mention to your maids how you're stressing about money...so that they won't expect you to pay. I would just suggest other ways to say that you are not able to pay than saying it to blatantly. Good luck!
If you want any say in what the agenda for the party is then you have no right to refuse to pay. If you want to let them throw you a party and they understand in advance it is all on them then it would be fine, but again ONLY if they offer to to it. I would plan to pay for it and hope for the best, or go without a party.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 46 |
| AshleyR83 | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 22 |
| rebwana | 21 |
| Jenlon | 20 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| kat2014 | 19 |
| fishbone | 18 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| mtnhoney | 4 |
| AshleyR83 | 2 |
| kristenep | 1 |
| Hippos | 1 |
| eagle | 1 |
| MsJ2theZ | 1 |
| mandypop | 1 |
| smiles4jo | 1 |
| rebwana | 1 |
| rangersbride | 1 |
Ok so they already know that they have to pay for there own dresses. Which are CHEAP 80 a piece. My MOH is throwing me a bacholorette party... Nothing extravagant, just a hotel party with some friends... Mind i found a decently priced hotel... WITH A POOL! lol No strippers thought, after all that is so over rated. How do I tell them I dont feel like I should have to pay for it? After all I am paying for everything else. Is this wrong? or am I in the right?