(Closed) How to tell the MOH and bridesmaids Im NOT paying???

posted 8 years ago in Parties
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  • Post # 3
    Member
    3363 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    You found the hotel?  I am a little confused, sorry.  Who booked the hotel and planned the party?  They are buying the dresses, which is normal.   What do you mean you payed for everything else?  Like shoes, hair, and stuff?

    Post # 5
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Well, while it’s gracious if they DO decide to pay for it, I think to adamantly refuse to help out at all (chip in for your own room? transportation? something?) isn’t really right. You can’t just tell them you WON’T pay a dime for your own bachelorette party, it comes across rude. particularly if you send them links to the hotel or anything like that. Let them throw it for you, offer up your portion of the room (maybe if there are 10 girls, it’s not a big deal, but not everybody’s friends can afford to cover you also, even if you are paying for the wedding) because it’s just the right thing to do. Chances are they’ll refuse your money though, but if not, go with it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    Yeah, you really can’t just refuse to pay for it.  You should always offer to pay–if they say no and cover you, that’s great, but you should be prepared to cover your portion.  No one owes you a bachelorette party, and if you don’t want to pay for one, that’s fine, but be ready for them to say they can’t afford to cover you.  If that happens, you either have to pay for yourself or go without a bachelorette party.  For my party, all we did was go out to dinner and then go out on the town–I didn’t end up paying for anything.  However, if there had been a hotel room involved, or specific transportation, I absolutely would have felt obligated to chip in.  It’s great that you and your FI are paying for your own wedding, good job!  But, that doesn’t necessarily mean your girls have to pay for anything other than their dresses and their transportation to and from your wedding.  Everything else that they might pay for is a great and unexpected gift!

    Post # 9
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2009

    Ditto all the other posters- while it’s great if they can do it for you, you can’t expect that they do.  Offer to pony up, then be delightfully suprised when they refuse.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1403 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I have to disagree with the other posters on this thread.  The bride is not supposed to pay for the bacchelorette party at all!  That’s an event the bridesmaids plan and they pay for.  It’s not unheard of for them to ask the bride to foot her fraction of the bill, although IMO that’s not appropriate.

    However, if your bridesmaids are the ones paying for it, then your bridesmaids should make the final decision about what kind of party (and where).  You can suggest the hotel, but in the end it’s their event to plan.  If they decide to go cheaper than the hotel you found, then so be it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9057 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think it depends what you mean that you found the hotel.  I “found” the hotel for my bachelorette party too.  I get a friends and family discount at a large chain, so politely suggested that “if by chance” they were planning to get a hotel, it might be wise to have it be this one, and I’ll put the booking under my name, and then it would only be $40 a night!

    If you have requested a bachelorette party that’s beyond their means and what they intended to plan, you may have to chip in.

    Post # 12
    Member
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I too would have to disagree with some of the posters. I believe the bridesmaids should throw the party and the bride should not have to pay for anything at all.

    I even went out to NYC for my sister in laws bach. party and the dinner that i ordered was cold, so i sent it back… anyways. i still had to split the entire check with the rest of the maids even though i didnt eat anything.

    I just dont think the bride should have to pay for anything.

    Post # 13
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    No matter how you rationilize it you cannot vocalize that you will not be helping to pick up the tab at your bach party especially if you have had a hand in planning the event. While it is customery for your BM to pay for you when you go out it is never ok for you to vocalize this expectation.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think I need more details about what you mean by “found” the hotel. Like you picked it and booked it, or suggested it?  I think that if they plan something on their own for your bach, then they should cover your expenses, but if you’re telling them when/where to have it, then you should offer to pay your own way because they may have picked someplace less expensive or something more low-key.

    Post # 15
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    While the bride “should not” pay, in theory, to tell them, “i will not pay” isn’t right. I would NEVER let any of my friends pay for their bachelorette parties, but if they approached me and said, “ya know, i’m not paying”, i’d be really taken back.

    You could bring along a couple bottles of champagne for the party, too! Gracious bride? =]

    Post # 16
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    It depends on who is PLANNING the bachelorette party. If you are planning it, then you should have a hand in paying for it. Typically the bachelorette party is planned and financed by the BMs. However, if you are making reservations and planning out games and stuff, you are basically dictating to them the type of party you want. In that case, you should chip in. If you don’t want to pay…maybe take a few steps back and allow your BMs to come together and plan your bachelorette party on their own.

    I have the nosiest little sister in the world…but other than selecting the dates and the guestlist, I didn’t let her dictate anything else. It’s our job as BMs to plan and pay….her job as the bride to show up and have fun. The only information we have really given her is the dress code and the location =) This applies to both her bridal shower and bachelorette party.

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