Post # 1
Hey all! My FI and I are planning a budget-friendly backyard wedding for September 2015. I have a big extended family. My mom’s side is a bit smaller and we can easily include them all. My dad’s side (aside from my dad and grandma) are kind of drama-ridden and, let’s just say, some of them are “obligatory invites”. We aren’t exactly sure our budget as of yet, but the “worst case scenario” guest list has hit 130 people, which is just too many for our “small” wedding… haha. My family makes up about 32 of those people, and while I hate to make cuts and possibly offend people, I feel that I would rather be able to comfortably invite people I do want to come, and not leave out some friends to make room for family members whom I’m inviting because I feel that I have to… if that makes sense. I guess what I’m asking is, if anyone had to cut any family members out, and if so, did you explain your reasoning? Or did you just invite who you invited, and that was that? I know it’s my day and I shouldn’t feel obligated to invite anyone, but at the same time.. easier said than done, haha.
Post # 2
If you have to make cuts with family, you need to make them universal — i.e., all aunts and uncles, but no cousins — for both sides, for you and your fiance. Otherwise, it looks like you picked favorites, and it’ll cause even more drama for you. Plus, people will be offended and you will probably look rude and petty to your family that doesn’t get an invitation.
Post # 3
We will have to cut out a large number of both my parents family in order to fit within our budget. I don’t plan on saying anything to them as the people we are cutting out are the people I do not see on a regular basis. If anyone says anything to my mother (or father) I have asked them just to say that we are having a small wedding and therefore had to unfortunatey cut down the guest list.
Post # 4
sam.melrose: My daughter was married this past year and by mutual agreement (parents and the couple), they only invited 6 of 8 aunts/uncles and 6 of 8 first cousins. They just don’t have a relationship with the other ones; they don’t communicate at all with them/us. Two aunts and their husbands attended and 2 first cousins and their spouses. They didn’t receive so much as a card from 2 uncles and 2 first cousins, so we wonder why we didn’t cut the list even further?
Post # 5
I htink that there are different ways to do it. You can say to each parent, you get X invites (and make it clear that X includes and spouse/fiance etc), and let them make the call. Just becuase Dad has 20 cousins, doesnt mean they all get invited. No matter what, some people will not get an invite, and you just have to say, sorry.
Post # 6
sam.melrose: I agree with universal cuts. We’re having a very small wedding. We cut it off by explaining that we were only inviting parents, siblings, and grandparents. That way it’s not like one uncle or cousin was invited but not another. Wherever your line is just make it across the board. That way you can easily explain it without causing hurt feelings.
Post # 7
I think there are many ways to do it that are fair. Someone may be offended, but really, some people get their knickers in a knot over almost anything.
You can draw the universal line as some pp’s have suggested but this only works well if you have families of approximately the same sie. Otherwise one of you could have 60 guests and the other 10. It’s not your fault that your Mom and Dad were from small families.
You could allot the same number of seats to each family and let themm choose who to invite, leaving you and FI a certain number of seats for friends.