Post # 1
First time poster here so bear with me.
In November 2013 when I got engaged I asked my best friends to be in my wedding and felt so happy about it!! However, the wedding was supposed to be in April 2014 but due to money restraints and other life changes my fiance and I had to move it to April 2015. He does not want more than 3 people standing up there, and I feel this is a fair request since he is letting me personalize everything else. That was his only rule. The problem?? I had asked 5 people… my two sisters and my 3 three best friends.
My dilemmia is how do I tastefully go about unasking 2 of them?? I am a very non confrontational person and this is weighing very heavily on my heart. Some advice on how to do so and if you’ve personally been through it how did it go down?
This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by TraeMichele.
Post # 2
Personally I think you shouldn’t un ask them for that reason. He should have made that clear before you asked them. Or you guys should have talked about it first. Otherwise I think honesty is best but they may or may not be happy with that. You can always offer a different role to them. They could do readings or something.
Post # 3
If it were me, I wouldn’t ask them to step down, since he should have made it explicitly clear that he didn’t want more than 3 people up there.
Post # 4
- Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon
TraeMichele: Your FI should have made that clear before you asked anyone. And why is the number an issue? That doesnt make a lot of sense.
There really is no way to tactfully un-ask them, and I think that anyone sould get kicked out of bridal parties in extreme cases only. Once you ask, it’s hard to take back.
Post # 5
You’ve already asked, have an uneven number if he can’t find 2 more people.
Or just have your 2 sisters, and say you’ve decided on a family only wedding party.
Post # 6
I think there are a few options here and none of them include asking those ladies to step down.
1. Have all 5. Fiance can have 3 if he wants. It’s fine to be uneven.
2. Cut the bridal party back to your sisters only.
3. Eliminate the bridal party.
Post # 7
Taking that action is sure to cause hard feelings and perhaps jeopardize friendships. Just because your FI wants only 3 attendants on his side doesn’t mane you can’t have more on yours.
Post # 8
TraeMichele: In short you don’t. Is the number of people worth loosing friendships?
Post # 9
He was at first ok with 5 BM, but like I said our financial and life situation have changed. His best man and 2 brothers are now the only ‘family’ he has close to him. So he wants them up there and no other guys. My problem is I really dont like going with an uneven bridal party. But if I have too, I will likely to go with only having my sisters as my bridal party to eliminate the stress of hurt feelings.
Thank you for the advice ladies!
Post # 10
So you’re basically saying that that those other two ladies’ feelings are less important than having matchy sides. Don’t be surprised if that doesn’t go over well.
Post # 11
So you’re going to hurt your friends’ feelings over some numbers? First, that is a really weird preference to have and second it’s really rude to cut friends out of your bridal party after you’ve already asked them. I think you need to stick with the girls you asked and just get over the numbers thing. I get that plans changed but that is no reason to hurt people.
Post # 12
TraeMichele: No offense, but you don’t. You don’t pick and choose after the fact who can and cannot be your bridesmaids. I understand financially you can’t afford to have 5. So you either eliminate the bridal party or you don’t remove anyone. Think about it like this: do you get someone a gift and then after they’ve had it for awhile, say “Hey I couldn’t afford to give you that, please give it back to me so that I can get the money back for it?” I don’t think so. I know I’m coming off as rude here but you have to think about it from their perspective as well not just your FI’s. What if these girls were so honored and have been so pumped to be in your wedding and now you’re telling them they can’t?
Seeing as we’re in august, how far have y’all gotten in planning? How much money have your bridesmaids spent already? Me personally – I would be hurt if I had already spent money for your wedding (dress, shoes, etc) and you then told me, due to financial reasons only your sisters were going to be a part of the bridal shower. Sure, they’re your sisters, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to be easy for me to accept the fact that I’m no longer in your wedding if I was seriously pumped to be in it in the first place.
Post # 13
You cut nobody. You have the girls you asked. To ask them to step down would be terribly rude.
If your FI doesn’t want them all up at the altar, then only have the MOH and Best Man up at the altar with you. Your maids and the rest of his groomsmen can sit in the front row. I’ve seen this done at many, many weddings.
Or tell the girls who are not family that only family will be up at the altar and they will remain in the front row at church.
If he doesn’t want the two extra girls at all, then make him ask them to step down and put it on him.
Post # 14
TraeMichele: You don’t. You have uneven sides or he asks two more guys.
You’ve asked those 5 to be BMs. It’s too late to unask them without damaging the friendships.
Post # 15
TraeMichele: how does more BMs cost you money. They buy everything and throw you parties. Just get them gifts you can afford.