Post # 1
Hi all. I have a bit of a dilemma and hoping some outside advice will help me out. My friend, who I have known since we were 13, has not been the greatest friend of late and I am really struggling on whether to invite her to my wedding. She has also told myself and a few of my other friends that she doesn’t like my fiancé and he now doesn’t want her at the wedding as it is our day and he doesn’t want people at our wedding who don’t care about us, which u can understand. I feel like I’m in a horrible situation but in the end, it’s the most important day of our lives. I feel like I have to invite her to keep the peace but really unsure. My fiancé is adamant that she doesn’t come. What should I do?
Post # 3
Well, I would never uninvite someone after they were sent an invite unless it was a really horrible situation. Which yours isn’t. In fact, I’d say it is common based on scanning through the boards.
But, if it is really that important and she already RSVP-d yes, I would call her directly. No emails, no fb, no text. Call her. Explain that your fiance would prefer if she not come because she is unsupportive. Maybe she has her reasons. Give her time to express it. What you are doing is super insulting and will probably start a storm. Just be prepared. If you are a bigger person, accept what she says and feels graciously and leave it at that. But dont expect this to go over nicely.
If she has not RSVP-d yet, I would wait until she does. She may not be going at all.
Post # 4
Is your wedding date really next year? If so, I wouldn’t worry about this right now. A lot can happen in a year and it sounds like you aren’t really friends with her anyways.
Post # 5
If you haven’t sent out invitations yet you don’t have to invite her, but if you have already sent out invitations and she was invited you shouldn’t uninvite her.
Post # 6
Totally didn’t see that your date was next year. I was thinking it was next month. Forget what I said. Just never, ever bring up the wedding around her. She’ll get the message when she doesn’t get the invite.
Post # 7
What Bostongrl25 said…a year is a loooong time. Let your FI cool down and see what happens. My guess if that if she doesn’t like your fiance, she won’t come anyway and you won’t have to deal with anything.
Also…I wouldn’t dream of uninviting anyone unless they practically spit in my/MY FI’s face…but that’s etiquette for you. If the invitiations have already been sent…I would let it go. Sorry it’s such a mess!
Post # 8
It sounds like this isn’t really an un-invite situation since you haven’t invited her yet, right? I’d just sleep on it for a while and not worry about it. When the time comes to send save the dates out (or invitations, if you’re skipping STDs), go with your gut. Not inviting her may end the friendship. If you’re ok with that, don’t invite her. If you’ll regret it, invite her and hope your FI understands.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I wouldn’t worry about this until it’s time to send the actual invitations out. If you are sending Save the Dates in the next few months, you don’t have to send her one.
If she has been your friend that long, wouldn’t it be a good idea to ask her why she doesn’t like your FH? She may have a good reason or she may be confused about something. If you want to save the friendship at all, you should get an explanation. If not, cut the cord now and stop being her friend then it won’t come as a shock when you don’t invite her to your wedding next year.
Post # 10
If you haven’t sent invites out, don’t worry about it.If you are wondering about what she said, and you still talk to her, maybe ask her why she doesn’t like your FI or what reservations she has about him? Perhpas she hasn’t gotten to know him well enough.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard
I agree with others that you should wait and see what happens. but if you choose to not invite her, I think she deserves an explanation.
I have a friend whom I’ve known for over 10 years. she has been a bad friend to pretty much everyone I know. (nobody seems to like her much, but we put up with her because we’re also all very good friends with her husband.) anyway, whenever she finds out she hasn’t been invited to some small event, she freaks out and send guilt-ridden emails to people asking why. I can tell she really dwells on it for a long time too. and those were just small events, not weddings.
my point is, if you choose to not invite your friend, she will notice. since you’ve known her for such a long time, she at least deserves an explanation. if anything so that she understands her actions have consequences.
Post # 12
@hayds1983: Your husband-to-be is priority #1 now. She is, by all means, entitled to her own opinion about him…but when she chooses to voice it to you (and worse, others), she has to be ready to deal with the consequences.
I know for a fact that if there was someone telling my BF and others that he/she didnt like me, they would not be invited. He’s already told a couple of folks where to get off that decided before meeting me they didnt like me, so I know how he’d react in this situation.
Other posters are right, it is a year away and alot can happen. But I think at the end of the day, his feelings trump her obligatory invite. After all, it IS his day, too.
Post # 13
@hayds1983: Your wedding is more than a year away. Don’t worry about this now. If she’s acting like a bad friend, just start distancing yourself from her and by the time invites are ready to go out, she won’t even be a part of your life.