(Closed) how to ”uninvite” uninvited guests?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I would handle it on a case-by-case basis. If someone rsvp’s their children call and talk to them.

Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am running into the same issue. I had my cousin rsvp for 3 (cousin, his girlfriend, and their child) assuming it was alright to bring the child. This is when it hit me that I didn’t specify whether or not children were allowed. I got this from a few people, so I will be calling them individually to figure out a resolution. But, my main problem is that some kids are way more well behaved than others, but they are around the same age. So, I can’t only invite the well-behaved kids…I wish I could, though!

Post # 5
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Kids are an all or none thing. That said, if someone rsvps for someone you have not invited, you get on the phone with them immediately and tell them that you are unable to accommodate extra guests due to budget/space, etc. If they decline, that’s their choice.

Post # 5
Member
46158 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The only people who are invited are the ones with their name on the invitation, unless you added “and family”.

If they send RSVP’s with extra numbers, phone them and say” I’m sorry but the venue does not have the capacity for extra people. I am sorry that we will not be able to accomodate your children. We look forward to seeing the two of you at the wedding.”

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Ember78: I don’t think it’s all or none, it’s totally reasonable to invite nieces and nephews and not other children. OP, you’ll just have to call anyone who RSVPs for extra and let them know that due to space/budget/whatever constraints you couldn’t invite everyone’s children, and you hope to still see the couple at the wedding. If they imply they won’t come without the kids, just say that you’re sorry and you’ll miss them at the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Since they are already printed I would deal with it as the rsvp’s as they come in.

I think it is reasonable to have neices & nephews there but not cousins children. This is exactly what we did. First cousins are the cut off, they can’t bring there kids, but FI’s neice & nephew (10&12) are invited as well as a couple first cousins who are 10.

Just have a rule, stick by it and hopefully you won’t have to call too many people.

Also maybe have your parents kindly mention it to people. Word of mouth spreads fast.

Post # 8
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Ember78:

I have to disagree with this. I can see having a general “no kids” rule, but making a few exceptions for kids you are really close to, such as a niece or nephew.

Post # 9
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We only had this happen once. A family friend asked me (via my facebook wall!) if his 3 grown children (who I don’t know) are invited. I promptly deleted the post and emailed him back saying that while I wish I could invite the whole family, due to budget and space constraints I was only able to extend an invitation to him and his wife. He wrote back saying that he completely understood and just didn’t want to make a mistake. It was a bit awkward but needed to be done. If we started allowing uninvited guests, our list could quickly explode.

Post # 10
Member
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@LMD84: Some people are really not understanding when it comes to inviting some kids and not others.  By making exceptions you open a floodgate of complaints and resentment from unreasonable people! We’re having an adult only wedding since we only know 1 couple with a child. The added advantage is that your friends aren’t forced  to leave early due to cranky kids. They can just enjoy the party!

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My husband and I went through almost the same situation and I am sorry because that is SO stressful. We sent out our wedding invitations and addressed Mr. and Mrs. and we had so many responses that came back with their kids also included. We had so many first and second cousins that had children. So we decided that the only fair thing to say was no children please, expect for our ring bearer and flower girl who is part of the wedding party. This caused a huge uproar from both sides of my family and people even said to us that they would not come to our wedding because of it. Some people even said “what do you not like kids or something??” My hubby and I were really hurt because we had just attended my cousins wedding and I even helped her with planned her wedding, but she did not go to ours because of the no kids. My advice to you is it YOUR DAY not anyone elses. If you decided not to have kids on your special day, then no one can go in and try to control that because they are not the ones planning for it and paying for it. In a nice way just call them and say “I’m sorry but my fiance and I decided to not have kids at the wedding.” And you could say also that it will cost extra to have kids there. If you did plan on having a few kids there, I would take caution in that because the guest you say to they can’t bring kids, may be very offended when they see other kids at your wedding. I wish you the best of planning! And this was the most stickiest situation for me and I still have people that don’t talk to me, just because I did not allow kids. Another quick note!…..my husband and I attended a wedding a couple months ago where there were kids allowed and it was very chaotic. Parents were not watching their children and they were running around everywhere. Peole were bumping into them on the dance floor. At one point two little boys were playing with cars on the dance floor too. My husband and I looked at eachother and said “yep we made the right choice” and we looooooove kids still!  Congrats! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

One more tip – on our invitations, underneath the M____ line, we wrote,

 

We have reserved __ seats in your honor.

__ out of __ will attend.

 

That way they could clearly see the exact # of people invited, and if they are jerks and write in a higher # we can call and talk to them rather than having it be a last-minute surprise.

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