How to word "adult only" when some kids will be there

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@rtjuette:  just let people know either by word of mouth or on your website that it is adult only. No need to explain that other people on your party are bringing kids. If someone gets upset about it at the wedding, just say “I didn’t know” lol. 

 

Post # 4
Member
5017 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@rtjuette:  First of all, it technically is not adults only if there will be kids there. If you truly do not want them there (and I don’t either so we are just having the ring bearer), you should not feel forced to. 

That said – the way you get around this is to make sure the invitations are clearly addressed. So, let’s say Tom and Ann Smith have three kids. You only address the invite to “Mr. and Mrs. Tom Smith”. On the RSVP card, I would do:  2 seats have been reserved in your honor, or ____ out of 2 people will be attending/not attending. 

I think saying “Adults Only” and then having kids run around will offend your friends with kids that aren’t invited greater than if you didnt invite their kids.

Post # 5
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can put adult only, you don’t need to elaborate further. It’s pretty obvious why the flowergirl or your siblings would be there.

Post # 6
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Use inner and outer envelopes.  The inner envelope is where you indicate that kids or guests are invited as well.

Post # 7
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

@weatherbug:  +1 , this is what we are doing.

We are only having children of family members attend. For some friends, I have never even met their children or have only once or twice. Adding another 20 spots to the guest list for children of friends was just too much. We feel kind of bad but we had to draw a line somewhere. We have very few young children in the family anyway so I don’t think it will be too noticable. Most are teens and up. Our nephew is 1.5 and there might be a few other young ones there but no more than 4-5 children under 14 for our families.

Post # 8
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@rtjuette:  You put the names of the adults invited on the envelope and write “_2_ seats have been reserved for you” on the RSVP card. Personally, I wouldn’t put “adult reception” because it isn’t and there isn’t really a short and not-rude way of saying “Some kids are invited but not yours”. Don’t mention who *isn’t* invited. Focus just on who is. 

 

Post # 9
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@weatherbug:  +1

That is how I worded my invites/RSVPs.  I’ve looked into it a lot around the bee and that seems like a good way to make it clear. 

Post # 10
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I didn’t mention anything to the people who’s children I wasn’t inviting, I just didn’t include their kids names on the invites. we only had kids aged 5 and older at the wedding, everyone seemed to understand by the invites.

Post # 11
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@rtjuette:  We had the same problem but for different reasons.  I REALLY wanted NO KIDS at our wedding but since we were older and had neices and nephews that really wasn’t an option.  What we decided to do was invite kids of “family only”.  We did this by addressing the invites accordingly.  For family the envelope was adressed to every person in that family.  For friends with kids we only put the adults names.  If anyone asked we politely explained.

 

Our invitaions had it all worded like this under the RSVP section.  “We appreciate your understanding in not bringing chidren to the reception.  Childcare Connections will manage the private Kids Party and they are welcome to join us for the dance after 9 pm.  Please advise how many children will particiapte in the Kids Party and the ages of the attendees.

 

I feel it was worded in a way that friends understood no kids at the reception and since the invite was adressed to just the adults they knew the kids were not invited.  We never had any issues as most of our friends enjoyed the kid free weekend away.

 

I hope this helps a bit.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

we mentioned several times that our wedding was an adult occasion- on our website, reception cards, rsvp cards, outer envelopes- and people STILL didn’t get it. on our rsvp cards, we had people cross out the number of seats we gave them and then write in how many they wanted. 

we had an “adult reception,” but invited some kids (my husband’s nieces and nephews, but if i could do it over again, i wouldn’t have invited them). you could say “__ seats have been reserved in your honor” (and hope they actually get it) and you could also say “we anticipate a mature atmosphere, therefore discourage the presence of children,” this way you’re not flat out saying, “no kids allowed” 

 

Post # 13
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

As far as young kids, we are only having the 3 close family members there. I just plan to address things to Mr. and Mrs. Smith only. Is that not enough? I’m asking that honestly.

Post # 14
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You can’t say adult only if it’s not adult only. Just address the envelopes appropriately. However if someone pulls an etiquette faux pas by pushing bringingt their kids, you may not have much of an argument if so many of your family’s and close friend’s kids are invited and others are not.

Post # 15
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Laurenplusalex:  Yes but you might want to add the whole “we have reserved two seats in your honor” bit to your cards. I just gives that extra… FYI lol

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