(Closed) How was your current relationship different from all of your previous ones?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Was your current relationship unique and different from all previous ones?
    Yes : (72 votes)
    92 %
    No : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Not sure. : (5 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9062 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My last relationship lasted 3 years and it was my longest. I was looking to marry him but it didn’t happen and it was for the better. He was a great guy, and I loved him dearly, but he didn’t want to better himself. He was content sitting on SSI/Disability (And before anyone jumps me, he was a functioning disabled person. He had limited sight loss and he could very well work.) He was overweight with no desire to lose weight and was incredibly brilliant. He is great with computers and really, he could’ve made an assload of money if he wanted to.

    But, he was lazy, and didn’t want to. He was content with the idea that I’d be the sole provider for the household when we got married. He was content with me working up until my due date when we got pregnant. He was content to sit on the government and collect money.

    I wasn’t, and when my husband walked into my life and things took off between us, I had no qualms leaving my boyfriend.

    My husband is a fantastic guy, a go-getter, works hard, loves his job, treats me well and isn’t content to just sit by and let the world pass him by. I was a pretty closed off person when I met my husband — I was a homebody. I was content to stay with my ex boyfriend because, well, it’s easier than finding somebody else. I enjoy my little bubble, and that was that. When my husband came back into my life, things were different. He asked me if I would be willing to travel the world with him and to meet his pace step by step. I ended up stealing a line from A Knights Tale, “Run, and I will run with you.”

    Best decision I’ve ever made. I flew out a month later to visit him for three weeks. The moment I came out of the security checkpoint, my husband sprinted across the terminal, picked me up and gave me the most amazing hug I had ever experienced. I hadn’t seen him in six years, and the passion we felt for each other was so intense we could barely contain it. A woman behind me commented, “Well, somebody is loved.”

    That’s when I knew he was the one.

    Post # 4
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Hyperventilate:  That airport hug story is adorable. It says a lot when a random can see the love between two people so obviously πŸ™‚ 

    My prior relationship was long distance for the last year and a half, and I was ALWAYS the one who went to see him every.single.weekend. for that year and a half. Not once did he come to see me. I would make excuses for him and rationalize it, until I woke up one day and realized it was totally b.s. My ex was also verbally and emotionally abusive. Around the time I reached my breaking point, my husband and I started becoming friends, and I realized how different he was than my ex – respectful, kind, sweet – and I knew I had to break it off with the ex. My husband treats me SO well, and is the most patient man I have ever met (a must when dealing with my type-A self). Our relationship is different in that its built out of a mutual love and respect for each other…we are equals and partners πŸ™‚

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    3063 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I actually just wrote about this in a completely different topic, but my response applies to this one too. πŸ™‚

    One of the main things that are different with my husband than with my previous relationships is that he’s independent. My ex boyfriend’s lives always seemed to revovle around me. That was always flattering at first, but after a few months it really started to wear me down. It was tiring, stressful, and an endless task that can never be completed. I felt like none of my exes had anything special that was just theirs.

    My husband, on the other hand, has so many interests and hobbies! He’s secure with himself and he’s secure in our relationship. His security brings me a lot of joy as well as ease, because I don’t feel pressure to constantly keep him occupied or make sure he’s happy. I’d hate to be married to a man who’s only source of happiness was me. It’s just too much work for not enough reward, IMO.

    Post # 6
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My fiance isn’t serially abusive or a one-night-stand. Really, those are the most crucial differences. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3417 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

    My previous relationship which was also at the time my longest relationship. I was head over heels for him and would have given him the moon. He on the other hand did not feel the same way and basically treated me like shit and I let him because I had blinders on. When we broke up I was devestated and l had a friend (actually a mutual friend) who was like “Why are you still in love wih him? He treated you so badly.” I replied “I’ve been treated worse before.” Really I was just meaning that I had had my heart broken worse than this break up before and the mutual friend said in a serious and concerned voice “Were you physically abused in a previous relationship?” It brought me up short and I realized this guy was a serious dickhead who let me treat him like a king, do everything for him and he got away with calling me names, ignoring me when it benefitted him etc.

    When I met my FI I was at a point in my life where I was ready to meet the one. I wanted someone to do stuff for me for once. I wanted someone who loved my kids like his own. I wanted someone who was financially stable, not a compulsive liar, would be faithful to me and could cook :-). Before I had met my FI I had taken my oldest son outside one night to watch a meteor shower and over and over I had made wishes on the shooting stars that I would meet my dream man. Normally I don’t believe in that stuff but I figured it couldn’t hurt. About a month or so later I was introduced to my FI. We were at a bar with mutual friends and he and I decided to go outside to the beer garden to talk. We sat out there for a good 2 hours talking and all of a sudden a shooting star flew across the sky. I knew that this guy was going to be special and almost 4 years later we are still together…my longest relationship ever.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1020 posts
    Bumble bee

    Disclaimer: the following trainwreck described below will sound much more childish than the other replies to this topic. Don’t worry, I’ve grown up a lot since my relationship with DBF began.

    Well, prior to DBF, I had never been in a relationship. The closest I ever got were a series of three very obsessive, and very one-sided, high school crushes. From the start, when DBF and I started chatting on Facebook, he genuinely cared about me, even more so than people I had been in multiple high school classes with (I only had one class with him the semester before). Unlike my mixed-gender high school friends who I would frankly whine to about my infatuation of the year, DBF and I shared very thorough conversations. Our first real chat was the Friday before our spring break, and it lasted well over five hours. The following Saturday, we talked for at least ten hours. The longest I had gone talking to someone on Facebook prior to that was about two fairly forced hours.

    And when DBF and I began to talk in person, I noticed that unlike the others, he would seek me out, and he would actually smile at me. When we actually talked, he would respond to everything I said; before, all three of my crushes would ignore at least certain things I said. Frankly, a lot of my female friends did that, too.

    Honestly, I didn’t think I’d find the love of my life before I left for college. It’s funny – I focused all my romantic energy onto three guys (two of whom were actually brothers!) until the second semester of my senior year. Just when I began to lose hope in finding love in high school, I found DBF. As a bonus, I always wanted to end up finding “the one” early in my life…and two months after I calmed down, I found the man I’ll end up marrying one day. πŸ™‚
     

    Post # 9
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My FI completely accepts me for who I am, warts and all, and revels in my me-ness. With previous relationships, I felt loved and whatnot, but I knew there was always something that was “wrong” with me that he-at-the-time would have preferred I fixed. It’s an amazing and liberating feeling to know I’m not being judged or disapproved of at all times. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My FI is the first man that has ever understood me and knows that I am analytical with a big brain and still loves me. He is not intimidated and appreciates it and finds it refreshing. 

    He is the first man that I can honest say I feel the love he has for me. In my previous relationships I never felt it even though they said it. When he asked me to marry him I had no doubt or hestitation for the first time in my life.

    I KNEW HE WAS THE ONE!!!Laughing 

    Post # 11
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn

    My FI is as different as humanly possible from my exes… Every ex I had was unemployed or severely under-employed, but felt entitled to everything & they all felt the world was out to get them. FI knows that he has to work in order to get the things he wants in life & that, luckily, included working to make me a part of his life. I couldn’t ask for a better guy to be my future husband!

    Post # 12
    Member
    7468 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    My FI is completely different from all of the other guys I’ve dated. In my previous relationships, I was always feeling like I was the only one putting in effort. They never made me feel special or that I was really wanted. I could never be myself, and always morphed inwhat’ve ever version of me I thought they might like.

    Right off the bat, my FI made it so clear just how special he thought I am. I didn’t have to chase him, and I could totally be myself with him. He treated me like I was his wife before we even got engaged. He ha a deep desire to take care of me and the family we’re building. He is so special.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1994 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Up until I met my SO, my love life was a trainwreck.  My relationships with several of my exes were riddled with violence, verbal abuse, drug addiction, incarceration, constant cheating, stealing, and a ton of other stuff. When I was younger, I was always the “good girl” who wanted a “bad boy”.  In the past, I had my heartbroken by several losers, and I had broken the hearts of several really good guys.  

    My relationship with my SO is the first relationship that I’ve ever been in, where both parties are truly on the same page.  We are mutually respectuful of one another, and we are so deeply in love that sometimes it seems surreal.  We compliment each other’s strengths and weaknessess.  I never even thought it was possible, that I would meet another person that is so perfect for me.  Its like the stuff in the movies.  Despite how “in love” i thought I was in my previous relationships, I’ve never felt like this. And that’s the major difference for me. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1153 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’ve had many boyfriends, and FI is different from those relationships in every way. I realize it again and again all the time!

    The most recent realization I made was that he was the first one who kissed me because he wanted me. The others kissed me because I manipulated it from them, or because they were horny, whatever. But FI really knew and loved me by the time he kissed me for the first time, so it was really sweet and personal. πŸ™‚

    Post # 15
    Member
    326 posts
    Helper bee

    My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 5 years. He was brilliant/bordering on genius. Extremely picky eater (only pizza/hot dogs/cereal. Literally.) Extremely overweight, no motivation to get healthy. Also, no motivation to go to college. He never wanted to even apply. Manipulative: I started taking Lexapro (antidepressant) because he said he “couldn’t handle me” otherwise. The medicine caused me to violently vomit, and the first night I got sick was NYE. He guilt tripped me for “ruining” his NYE, and he was yelling at me WHILE I WAS THROWING UP and crying. He left me 1 week before my father had to get a quadruple bypass. He refused to stay and help out my mom, because “he needed to get the hell out.” (his words). He was also physically abusive (pushed me into walls, doors, etc…)

    My current boyfriend isn’t as smart as my ex, but he’s a hell of a lot more patient and loving. Also, he’s adventurous, and encourages me to try new things (especially culinarily). He doesn’t remind me of every single little mistake I make, or make me feel like there’s something wrong with me. He’s a bit wishy-washy, and he’s shy (I was the first girl he ever sang in front of). Also, he’s taught me how to be more forgiving and give people the benefit of the doubt. We’ve been together 6 years now. I call him Pollyanna sometimes because he’s so damn optimistic about everything, but it’s a good balance because I’m so pessimistic. Heh.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3121 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    YES.  My marriage and our dating relationship are/were based on honesty, teamwork, and communication.  I feel like I was READY for this relationship.  He truly makes me a better person.  I’m more willing to work things out and don’t feel a need to “win”.  We are truly a team and are working for the same goal and that is truly the greatest feeling in the world!  

     

    Before, I had so many trust issues (I was in a 4 year relationship prior to DH) because my SO would lie and make things up.  I was constantly on the defense and couldn’t stand who I was with him.  I’m so glad I sucked it up and bounced!

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