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I know my friends really well, probably not as well as I did in high school since we don't see each other as often, but still really well. I don't know what I consider close... It's hard to explain.
I think if you can go to a restaurant with someone and know what they will order before they do, you're close.
I have a handful of really close friends, then a larger group of close friends, and then the rest are friends (but drifted apart for various reasons, but can still pick up where we left off at any point)
I'm not close to anyone... my friends are more like "people I tollerate".
Last summer I did a recon to Vegas with two of my oldest friends and when the bartender asked how long we had known each other we looked and said increduosly "40 years". HOW is that possible? We have been through marriage, divorce, children, teenagers, over 20 moves- in and out of the country, and being thousands of miles apart. Yet when we get together- its like we saw each other at recess in third grade- only with margaritas in hand- instead of a juicebox.
I agree that friendships in adulthood are a lot different than friendships in high school and college. Unless you see each other 12 hours a day it would be hard to compare. And people change so much that it's sometimes hard to keep up with over the years.
For me I don't consider anyone a good friend unless I've had a couple deep conversations with them so that I know how they think and their character. I feel bad that I don't see my friends as often as I like but with schedules the way they are it's pretty tough.
I'd probably say I have maybe 10 very good friends. People I know that, even though I don't see them weekly, if I ever needed help they'd be there in an instant. People who are fun and kind and supportive.
If I know their favorite/least foods, allergies, and their birthdays (without having to check facebook!), they're probably my closest friends. I have about 10 friends who are like that for me - people that I know without hesitation I could go to if I ever needed a shoulder to cry on or a place to stay. I feel incredibly blessed to have such a large group of "closest" friends - I think it might be a result of being an only child. I have always sought out and cultivated those kinds of relationships.
I'd say I'm opposite from OP. I have a lot of 'friends' and my FI has only a few very close people. It's hard for me to define as well. I moved all over during my life and so there are people all over the country who hold such a special place in my heart. When I get to see them, it's as though time has never passed.
But then I have that inner circle of maybe only 4-5 people with whom I am SUPER close. I speak with them almost every day, certainly every week. They knows the ins and outs of my life. They've seen me through good times and bad, pretty and gross. We are there for each other time and time again, over years and years and years.
I don't think having those very close friends takes away from any of my other friendships. There are a lot of people who have been there for me, and whom I love very much. They're maybe not the first who I would call if I needed something or had something super exciting to share.
Choosing bridesmaids and now finding BM gifts for them made me really ask myself what friendship means.
I still don't really know. And I sort of feel awkward about my BM's, even still, thinking I am not close enough to ask them to do this. One lives in France and we chat every once in a while and the other I haven’t seen in person in 2 years and we really only do email. But I finally decided they are incredibly special to me and, even if I need to do a better job keeping up with their lives, they have helped make me a better/happier person and that makes them my friend. I need to keep trying to make sure they feel the same way.
Adult friendships are so much harder.
@retreadbride: Your post made me smile! How great to have such a successful friendship :)
I have four close friends from school who I only see two or three times a year. They are probably my closest friends because we can just pick up conversations and catch up with no awkwardness.
I also have one good friend from uni who I lived with for two years. I kind of forgot how close we must of been because I only see her once a year but we know each other's habits perfectly!
I don't know what anyone's favourite film is though - not even my sister or my fiance :) (although I could list most of his top 10).
Out of my friends, I'm only having my best friend in our wedding party.
I only have 1 really close friend. 4 or 5 friends and the rest are just people who kind of drift in and out of my life.
After high school, I really started to take a look at my best friends and I noticed that there were some in that category that shouldn't be there. They were friends of convenience and I couldn't count on them to do anything for me, despite the fact that I did a lot for them. I know you're not supposed to do things for people because they'll pay you back, but seriously, if I've drive you all over creation for years because you won't get your license, then I'd like some gas money. I was too nice to people looking back, I let people walk all over me and therefore had many "friends". Most of which I have now parted ways with.
My 1 really close friend has stuck with me through everything just like I've stuck with her. We've been through so much together. We could not speak for a month and our friendship wouldn't be affected.
I have a close friend I've known since we were babies, a couple of close friends from college and as an adult I'm blessed with several close friends I've made since college. Some of them are "married-in family" to my husband's family like me--including a sister in law(in law). Friendships post college took time to develop. Just like dating. Also like dating, the time spent was worthwhile.
Recently, I realized my closest friends were the ones I could text with updates about my mom, when she was very sick and then passed away. These girls called me, texted me, kept checking on me when they hadn't heard an update, came to my house on the other side of town and just let me be me at my saddest, when I couldn't be my chipper self.
Conversely, I know a lot about these friends. I was a bridesmaid for almost all of them and we have lived a lot of life together. Shared a lot of drinks/meals/coffee together and I know their character well.
I have a lot of friends, but a couple of close friends. The circle is always shifting, of course, with new close friends and losing touch with others, but these have remained pretty constant for my adult life. :-)
@HappilyEverAfter54: that is pretty much who I am.
I don't know any of my "friends" well at all...
To me, close friendship is not about knowing the in's and out's of someone's likes/dislikes - but it's a love and care for that person that goes above an acquaintance.
There are tons of things I know about people - but I don't consider to be 'close friends'.
My 'close friends' are the ones I would drive through the night to see, get on a plane to grieve with, celebrate & cry with... I consider those friends to be more 'family' than friends.
@oracle: YES
I dont think you have to know a persons favorite food, favorite color, most exciting memory to be close with them. I think it is a connection just like in relationships. It is someone you care for and know cares for you. It is being able to go a long time without seeing each other and still have it feel like it was yesterday.
I have 5 true friends. My sister is my best friend. She could tell you anything about me and obviously we've known eachother for a very long time. 3 of the 4 left I have known for more than 15 years. We met in high school. We have all moved all over the place and somehow have still managed to stay friends. Really great friends. However, I don't think they would know my fav color, but we can meet back up on vacations and it's like we haven't been apart at all. I love that feeling the most. The other one is my friend Aaron. We have been friends for 8 years. I have a feeling that if they all played a how well do you know her game, he would be the one that wins. I don't keep anything from him. Now beyond that everyone else is what I refer to as my "social friends" We go out to dinners and things, but they don't really know anything about me. DH doesn't really have any friends at all, but the husbands of mine.
This is a depressing question to ask. Because if I'm honest with myself, I don't have a lot of friends at all. Especially since most of them live in a different city, and have for over 2 years now! I would say I have at least 5 good friends. One is my MOH, and we always talk on the phone and keep each other updated. Two are BMs, we talk less but grew extremely close during college in our bible study. The others were in the same bible study, and I barely talk to them (or can even get them on the phone). But the bond we had during those years was so tight, that it would take A LOT to make it go away. They're coming to my wedding, and included in many things, but not BMs.
The rest of my friends are honestly "friends by association". Like when I had roommates, we were friends. Or people in classes were my friends. But, if I was honest about how much they cared about me, or wanted to hang out with me... I would have to say no to the whole friend thing. They are great people, just not close friends. And then there are my FI's friends, who have truly become my friends as well :) Sad to say they're all guys though... so it's not the same relationship since they were his friends first (and I'm considered "one of the guys"), but it's friendly enough for me to care about them!
@retreadbride: Love the margarita instead of juicebox comment :)
@oracle: and @PitBulLover: I completely agree with you. My point about knowing the movie was that I have cared enough over the years to pick up on some of the things other people might not have. She's so important to me that I've made an effort to remember these small things that make her smile (I mean come on the movie is from the 80s and we haven't watched it together since VHS was in lol!). She's been my best friend forever and she's definitely one of those people I would drive for miles to see if something went wrong in her life. I really like the way you put it because I truely believe that is what "close" friends should be like...family :)
@SouthernGirl: I relate with you on this one. I was the student body president, pep rally type with "tons" of friends in high school. That all changed senior year when I went through some scary health stuff and my "friends" all but forgot my existence. Since then I have been more than gaurded about who I call my "friend" because I don't think too many people are deserving of that title. I'm an extremely loyal person who would go to the end of the world for my friends so I expect the same from others if they want to be in my life that closely.
I'm also from a huge family, so that might also be why I think loyality and good solid friends are important. Everyone in my family is really close and we treat each other like friends, so I think we expect the other people who enter our life to act the same way. My husband is soo soooo different though. He can be friends with anyone and trusts complete strangers. I've never been able to understand it. lol.
I've always had a hard time making and keeping friends- there have always been falling outs, drama, or never really getting past acquaintance in the first place.
I only *really* keep in contact with one person from high school, and even in college, I only truly got close to a few people.
I would say that at this point, I have mostly acquaintances, but only a small handful of "Friends". And I only have one "Best Friend"- my Maid of Honor.
She and I met in college, and I feel so crazy blessed to have her in my life after years of having a million acquaintances but not many close friends.
We joke all the time about how we have such a weird friendship (I can pee in front of her, we've seen each other naked many times while sewing together or going shopping, and I once had to loan her a pair of panties) but even though it's a little weird, it's nice knowing I have someone who loves me enough that they aren't weirded out about borrowing a pair of my clean, only worn once panties!
I have friends that I still talk to that I've been friends with since preschool. Of course I know everything about them. But we've been fading apart, so I wouldn't call them my close friends anymore. I'm actually closer to people that I haven't known as long, yet I know they're still there for me.
I have lots of frineds but I have very few close friends. I say I would have three really close friends. Close friends to me are people I know I can tell anything to without being judged and know they will be there for me whenever I need them. They are more like family to me than friends. I may no ttalk to them all the time but they know I'm here for them when they need me. They know they can expect the same from me. My SO doesn't have any real close frineds that I know of anyway.
I have three best friends. One I've known 24 years, one 10 years, one 5 years. These people I consider family, closer than my own sibling. I would do anything for them, they would do anything for me. Distance, time, circumstance, irrelevant to our friendship. They're the only ones I know with confidence I will be friends with when I'm 50. Other friends come and go.
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Hello Bees,
A conversation I had with a friend had me thinking about friendships and how close the average person is with those they call "friends."
I had called my girlfriend and sort of spoiled her birthday present by telling her I had gotten her favourite movie of all time on DVD (because it's older). She replied with, "How do you know what movie is my favourite? I bet your wrong because no one ever guesses right." She's been my friend since we were 13 so I left it with, "We'll see...."
A few days later she opened her gift and exclaimed, "OH MY GOD YOU WERE RIGHT!!" I knew I was, but I wanted to see her face when she opened it. Apparently after our conversation she had asked her boyfriend and her mom to guess what movie was her favourite and no one had gotten it right. Low and behold she realized who her best friend truly was and is when she opened up her very own DVD copy of Labyrinth with David Bowie circa 1986 haha!!
I have only three friends who have remained my friends over the years that I know THAT well. Everyone else I use the term "friend" with lightly and usually only consider other people to be acquaintances, colleagues, peers, etc. DH is the opposite and is "friends" with everyone...
So my question for you is: How well do you know your friends? What do you consider close?