Post # 1
You wake up one morning and do your usual catch up on Facebook to discover that someone you work with has been thrown a baby shower by a work friend. You deduce from various pictures and comments that lots of other work friends have been invited, including ones that have less contact with the party planner AND the pregnant work friend than you…plus old members of staff who no longer work at the school.
Obviously this has happened to me this morning and I would love to know how this situation would make you feel if it happened to you! I work at a smallish school and I would consider us all reasonably close, so it’s not a massive company of people.
Post # 2
I would wonder what I did that lead to me being excluded.
Are you close to either of these people?
Post # 3
Bummer. I would feel hurt that I was left out, and try to figure out what happened. Maybe your invitation was misplaced somehow? Did you hear anyone talking about it before? I try to give people the benefit of the doubt that they wouldn’t just exclude someone but that isn’t always the case.
Post # 4
j_jaye: The pregnant lady is a year one teacher. I used to work in the other year one class so I have worked with her on occasions. There were some people invited who have never worked with her at all. The party planner is the other TA in reception so yes, I would say I am reasonably close from a work perspective. There aren’t that many of us at work, which is what makes it more disappointing. I would love to know what Ive done.
spiffanee: Something was mentioned ages ago but then nothing more so I assumed that the plan wasn’t going ahead. What is really annoying is that I asked the party planner if she was doing anything nice this weekend and it wasnt mentioned.
If it wasn’t for Facebook I probably wouldn’t know!
Post # 5
FromA2B2013: Eek, based on your update (that the planner didn’t mention it when you asked about weekend plans) it doesn’t really sound like it’s a lost invite in the mail type of situation…
I’m really sorry you’re in this situation – it doesn’t sound very nice at all. It seems strange that there could be a big enough issue for you to not be invitied that you would not be aware of. If you have good working relationships with these ladies and it is something that really bothers you, maybe in a few days time you could find a quiet moment to talk to one of them directly and say that their friendship is important to you and you were surprised to see the baby shower had happened and wondered if there were any problems between you that you weren’t aware of?
I guess what you do in this situation really depends on how important you consider these friendships outside of work. If you’re not close, and things seem to be going well from a professional point of view, maybe it’s not worth opening up a can of worms.
I really feel for you – it’s a sucky situation. I hope you have a better rest of your day!
Post # 6
FromA2B2013: hmm…this is a sticky situation.
It makes things awkward if you say antthing to either person. I would just get the pregnant lady a small gift and say that you werent aware there was a shower
Post # 7
FromA2B2013: From your second post I would assume two things if I were you. 1. That I wasn’t as close as I thought I was to these people and 2. They purposefully did not invite me.
The not as close thing can be tough to learn. Unfortunately not everyone in life is going to like us and it is their right to not have to. Often we can be in relationships that we misjudge and often times we tolerate and be polite to people at work that we would never associate with in the rest of our lives.
As for not getting an invite. It sucks but it is also their right to not have to invite people they don’t want there. Hey at least you know how they feel now which I always think is better. Just be polite and civil and carry on. You have people in your life who want to be friends with you so focus on them rather than the people who don’t.
just one last question. Were you the only person from work not invited?
Post # 8
I would feel quite crummy. =/
I second a PP, I’d get the mom a small gift, and say you werent aware of the baby shower. I wouldnt say anything to the host about it though.
Post # 9
It sucks to be left out. Sounds like Jr. High pettiness.
Post # 10
My feelings would be hurt and I would be trying to think of reasons why they wouldn’t want me at the shower. Ouch. I agree with PPs who say to give a gift and not say anything to the host.
Post # 11
It would definitely hurt my feelings.
The problem with this kind of thing is that there isn’t much you can do about it. It just kind of sucks. It hurts to be excluded, period.
I disagree with those who are saying to buy the expectant mom a present, though. I think that just makes the situation more awkward.
Post # 12
FromA2B2013: I’m a teacher. In my experience, we have thrown these showers by making a blanket invitation for all people to attend by leaving notices in the mailbox. There is no way anyone can track who is close and who isn’t in our building of over 20 teachers. Those that attend do, and if the amount of people attending becomes so great that it puts a strain on the host, then we host it after school in the building. I have never been to a shower that has excluded anyone from the building, even those that make us roll our eyes and groan. It isn’t nice.
It doesn’t seem very nice to exclude coworkers from something that is obviously a social-work event. I’m surprised- aren’t teachers supposed to be the touchstones for being nice to friends?
Give a gift and let it be that.
Post # 13
FromA2B2013: I’d let it go. For whatever reason, you weren’t invited and the reality is…They don’t have to include you just because you work together or to be nice. This is about the mom to be and her celebration, not about you and your not being invited. You’re just coworkers and at the end of the day, they may not feel any closer to you than that.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
FromA2B2013: That sucks so much. I would be really hurt and disapointed, for sure. It really would make me feel pretty crummy. I would feel like I did something wrong and didn’t know what. As an outsider I agree with PP: perhaps you aren’t as close as you thought (which is still a big pill to swallow). As difficult as it is – wallow a little and then try to shrug it off as much as you can.
Post # 15
FromA2B2013: obviously I’m the odd one out here but I’d feel nothing or maybe even feel a tad bit relieved, because I always keep work and personal life separate and actually get annoyed when people try to drag me into personal things (like baby showers) through work. But then again I probably wouldn’t have become Facebook friends with work people while I still worked with them in the first place!
Its WORK….people are there because they are getting paid to be there, not because they are your best friends. Mixing work and personal is dicey for a number of reasons, one reason being this exact situation you’re describing here. Lines get crossed, feelings get hurt. In the real adult world, people are not (and shouldnt be) bound to any rules about “being nice” like students are in the classroom. It’s safest and best to put energy into getting friendship connections from the personal side of your life, not the work side.