How would ya’ll handle this?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Passive aggressive FMIL comment 30 days before sailing?
    Be annoyed and say something. : (1 votes)
    4 %
    ignore it like you already did. : (22 votes)
    92 %
    Look into the feasibility of if she could attend. : (1 votes)
    4 %
    Other (explained below). : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    Member
    3941 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    gemchick82:   Ignore.   You dealt with her passive aggressive statement perfectly.  

    Post # 3
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    She is the one that looks like a fool. Keep your cool and be very passive with her. She will be missing out and is lucky that you two will be doing something at home for her, your parents should be invited to that as well!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1878 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

    I agree with PP’s. I think you handled her behavior well. No need to make these issues bigger than they should be.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7400 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    gemchick82:  Well your comments about your cruise wedding could also be interpreted as a dig at her for not attending. That is the thing with being upset about something. You can infer that everything they do is passive agressive and a dig at you.

    And so what if they have planned a cruise in 2015. That is a whole year longer than your planned wedding which gives them a whole extra year to save.

    I think you are taking this far too personally. When you decide to have a destination wedding you have to accept that some people won’t be able to make it for many reasons including parents. You are essentially picking a destination over people and that is ok (I had a DW). But like you have made a choice (to have a DW) the guests also have a choice on whether they attend or not.

    I think you need to let this go before you ruin any possible relationship you can have with your in-laws.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  j_jaye.
    Post # 7
    Member
    2047 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    gemchick82:  you reacted perfectly…. THIS is her mess and she will clean it up or leave it. As your FI said not your problem. YES she was trying to get you to buy her way and YES she was trying to get a reaction out of you…. the best way to deal with these people (I know from personal experience) is to just ignore it and not give them a reaction at all because if you dont, they have no power over you and they will learn for next time they cant pull the same bullshit!! You just keep on keepin on and say “oh well, too bad so sad…good for them etc”

    Post # 10
    Member
    2047 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    gemchick82:  yup! Shes totally having regret of the mess she has now and is trying to pawn it off so it looks like shes the victim. At least your FI is on the same page…. I know some people who’s male counterparts typically run to “save their precious mothers” in these types of situations and you are well ahead of the game lol…… it takes a lot of us years of training to “break the cord” to get our hubs to see our parents issues are NOT ours and they are responsible for their own decisions!

    A lot of MIL (and FIL) try to push the boundaries of what they get away with just to see that “they” are still on the pedistal with their children and they tend to act out close to the wedding because they know in the back of their minds that they are no longer of the same importance in their sons life (YOU are now first, your CHILDREN next, and then parents/extended family).

    Just stick to your guns and as long as your FI is with you…..all you need to do is turn off your cell phones and ignore lol

    Post # 11
    Member
    2047 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    gemchick82:  hahaha I also get the “stating the obvious of what they think on various topics right in front of you even though they could be directly implying something to your face” thing…..

    My FIL is worst for this not so much MIL… I’ll give you a quick example: they basically flat out asked/expected us to fork over thousands of dollars and take out a loan for 200k so FIL could have his own business because he’s just too damn hard to work with and “needs” to be on his own…….. looooooooooooooooooooong story short we said no we couldnt, but he acted like he was 100% entitled to it because in their opinion what we have “they” have (it was DH choice to say no but I know he thinks it was all me). fast forward At easter they invited a new friend for dinner (only FIL had met him) and they were talking about the differences between here and italy and he started going on “casually” about how “oh in italy if someone like friend, neighbor, or stranger come ask for money if they need something, or start a business …. you do it, it’s good thing to help out you just do it…here in canada no one care…no one care”…..

    Im sitting there like wtf? OH ya cause a) people in italy living on nothing randomly have tens of thousands of dollars sitting in banks when they cant fed their kids and your trying to say its normal to fork money over to strangers?? BULLSHIT, and b) WOW *slowclap*…. that was subtle….. I love how you pick a “random” subject and make sure to dig at the “canadians” for our lack of “caring”…….fackin dick!

    Thats only 1 of 1000…..

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