Post # 1
I’ve been thinking about invites lately and I would like to get a jump on them and get them out of the way early. So here’s the situation: our best man is currently married, they’ve been having some problems for awhile now and those problems have come to a head. As far as he is concerned, he’s done and so is the marriage. He’s checked out of it and not at all interested in repairing the marriage. They are not yet even separated; they still live together, just in different parts of the house, he wants the house which is why he hasn’t moved yet, she is still hoping to repair things. When we made our guest list the wife was automatically on it with the best man, now I’m not sure how we would address the invite. I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of him bringing a date while he’s still sharing a home with his wife, but I don’t want him to feel obligated to bring his sort of estranged wife either.
If they were to divorce or separate between now and the wedding, she wouldn’t be invited. We were friends with both of them, but the friendship with het was always proximity based. Fi and best man went to school together and have been close friends for over 20 years. So how wpuld you address the invite in this situation? Address it to just him, no guest. Address it to both since they are still married and no steps to separate have been taken. Or addres it to him plus guest.
Post # 3
If you had to send the invite right now, I said just to him. He could contact you if he wants to bring a guest or his current wife.
Could you postpone sending his invite until you have a better idea of what becomes of the situation? You obviously know he’s a yes, so maybe hold out on his as long as you can and see what develops. In any case, you can just talk to him first and see what he is comfortable with.
Post # 4
@GeorgiaBride5: Oh we definitely have time to wait still, wedding is in Oct. We plan on sending invites out a bit early and skipping sending out save the dates all together. I just geniunely see the situation changing unless she gives up wanting to repair things or he finally agrees to at least see if it can be repaired.
Post # 5
I’d say wait until things cool down a bit, but if they don’t just address it to him-and tell him if he wants to bring a date he can-you just didn’t want his estranged wife to think she can come, and you also didn’t want to hurt her feelings by putting “and guest” in case she saw it.
Post # 6
Etiquette Snob here… lol
I agree with the other Bees, it is best to hold off as long as you can on this one before you send out the Invite.
On the other hand, their situation is not yours to judge
So when the time comes to send out the Invite, if they are living in the same household… and therefore still legally married… the ONLY thing you really can do is to send the Invite to them as a couple (you need to FORGET you heard about their marital difficulties, whatever they may be)
Be that as…
Mr. and Mrs. John Brown (if they share a last name)
Ms. Susan Jones and Mr. John Brown (if they don’t)
Whatever form of address they would typically use while they are married.
IF things should change between their recieving the Invite, and your Wedding, you can be sure you’ll hear back from them
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
@drummerbride: I have never ever believed in “and Guest,” but I think this might be the perfect situation. But I would definitely talk to him and ask what he wants you to do.
Post # 8
Awkward for sure! Hopefully things become a little more definitive between now and when you have to send the invites. I’d say “and Guest” feels inappropriate unless he somehow gets a divorce between now and your wedding. It’d be a weird dynamic, especially for a wedding, to have a still-married (legally) man there with a date who’s not his wife.
I sorta think that the burden of determining whether the wife comes to your wedding should be on your best man, not you guys, if that makes any sense?