How would you address invite in this situation?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How would you address the invite
    To them as a couple because they are still married and no steps to separate have been taken yet. : (5 votes)
    33 %
    Addres to best man and guest, that way he can bring wife or someone else based on how things turn ou : (5 votes)
    33 %
    addressa to just him, no guest or wife, it would be wrong to bring a date while living with his wife : (5 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If you had to send the invite right now, I said just to him.  He could contact you if he wants to bring a guest or his current wife. 

    Could you postpone sending his invite until you have a better idea of what becomes of the situation?  You obviously know he’s a yes, so maybe hold out on his as long as you can and see what develops.  In any case, you can just talk to him first and see what he is comfortable with.

    Post # 5
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’d say wait until things cool down a bit, but if they don’t just address it to him-and tell him if he wants to bring a date he can-you just didn’t want his estranged wife to think she can come, and you also didn’t want to hurt her feelings by putting “and guest” in case she saw it. 

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    I agree with the other Bees, it is best to hold off as long as you can on this one before you send out the Invite.

    On the other hand, their situation is not yours to judge

    So when the time comes to send out the Invite, if they are living in the same household… and therefore still legally married… the ONLY thing you really can do is to send the Invite to them as a couple (you need to FORGET you heard about their marital difficulties, whatever they may be)

    Be that as…

    Mr. and Mrs. John Brown (if they share a last name)

    OR

    Ms. Susan Jones and Mr. John Brown (if they don’t)

    Whatever form of address they would typically use while they are married.

    IF things should change between their recieving the Invite, and your Wedding, you can be sure you’ll hear back from them

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    3112 posts
    Sugar bee

    @drummerbride:  I have never ever believed in “and Guest,” but I think this might be the perfect situation.  But I would definitely talk to him and ask what he wants you to do.

    Post # 8
    Hostess
    22135 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Awkward for sure! Hopefully things become a little more definitive between now and when you have to send the invites. I’d say “and Guest” feels inappropriate unless he somehow gets a divorce between now and your wedding. It’d be a weird dynamic, especially for a wedding, to have a still-married (legally) man there with a date who’s not his wife.

    I sorta think that the burden of determining whether the wife comes to your wedding should be on your best man, not you guys, if that makes any sense?

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