Post # 1
So my fiance and I are having our wedding about 45 minutes north of where we live (that area is where we are from and where most of our family is). We want to have our wedding in the church where my parents were married. It is a relatively small church. How should I go about contacting them to ask about having our ceremony there? I saw that there is an email address on a site that lists a bunch of different churches, but I think it is probably a pretty outdated site and I’m not sure if that would be kind of rude/unusual.
What would you do? We were thinking of attending a service there…to get a feel for the church and the pastor. Would this be the best thing to do?
Post # 3
@rel318: How about a phone call just to introduce yourself and to explain your situation?
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2016 - Virmond Park
@rel318: Since you have till 2015, I would visit the church a few times, introduce youself to the pastor, maybe aske to have a short meeting with them after service one day and let them know of your intentions.
Post # 5
we got married in a church where his aunt and uncle got married.. does your family still attend the church. i would call and not email.
Post # 6
@rel318: I would just call them! Let them know that you would like to be married in their church, maybe even explain that your parents were married there as well. I’ve found that most Pastors (and churches) are very willing to work with you even if you’re not a member. I had to do the same thing.
Post # 7
@crackktheskyy: I think a phone call does sound like a good idea. I am having trouble finding any information about the church online, but I will call the number that I did find and see if that is still the correct one. Thanks.
Post # 8
@asianyoushi: No, as far as I know nobody in my family attends the church. My parents were married there 30+ years ago, that is the only connection to the church that I have.
Post # 9
@lanf5046: Thanks! I am a little nervous about approaching them but I think it would be best to either call, attend a few of their services, or both. They are not a huge church so, from what I have heard from others, usually the more low-key places are more open to marrying non-members. I know there is a beautiful Catholic church nearby that will not marry anyone who is not a member.
Post # 10
@rel318: Relax! We’re getting married at a university church (so not the exact same situation), but the Pastor of the church my parents were members of before can’t perform our ceremony so we had to call around to a few Pastors and found one that is available on our date. I don’t know anybody who’s a member at his church or anything and he was very welcoming of us and seems excited to perform our ceremony for us!
You never know if you don’t ask!
ETA: It seems to me that the Catholic churches are a little more strict about who can marry in their churches and under what circumstances.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I would attend a service first to see if you like the pastor/church, then make a call.
Post # 12
@rel318: We’re getting married in a Church that we don’t go to regularly (actually we don’t go to away church regularly…opps!). I just called and said who I was and what I was looking for. He was very nice about it all! It wasn’t a problem at all and thats where we’re getting married!
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2013 - The Fox Hill Inn
@rel318: Definitely call them and explain your situation. You’ll usually end up talking with a church secretary, and in many cases this won’t be the first time someone has called to ask the same thing!
We “church shopped” for our wedding, but we had a lot of caveats (we wanted to use our own pastor, we had an interfaith ceremony). Yours seems very straightforward.
I contacted a lot of churches. If you want to get married at their church with their pastor, the church secretary will usually take your information and have the pastor call you back if they’re not available then. Then you can talk to the pastor and see whether this is someone you’d like to have marry you. You can/should probably also arrange to meet them in person.
It’s not rude at all, this happens all the time! And it’s especially special because your parents were married there!
Post # 14
@rel318: Yeah, it certainly doesn’t hurt to try calling. My fiance and I live in totally different cities and we are getting married near where both of our families live, in an entirely different city! We had to call TONS of churches to find one willing to marry us, but it was helpful to speak to people over the phone and explain our situation. Don’t get discouraged too easily!
Post # 15
@rel318: We are doing exactly the same.
I sent a message to the vicar on the church’s website (only contact details we had) and then we arranged a meeting.
Attending a service sounds like a good idea. It could spoil a service if you don’t quite agree on what it sholuld be like. You hear of officiant who are too serious or not serious enough for the couple’s tastes. The pastor could have some very strict rule that you do not like. I had already been to a service with ours and like his ‘style’. Which was lucky as FI is not exactly keen on attending any sunday services.
In the England this is relatively easy to do as you can get married in and CofE church if you can show that either bride or groom has a connection to it, even living within the parish for 6 months without attending a single service is enough.
Post # 16
I just sent the church secretary an email! Probably not the best way to go about it, but we ended up choosing a different venue anyways. My original plan of action was to email and introduce myself (explaining that I lived out of town). I said that I thought it was a beautiful church, and asked about their wedding policies (some places have special rules or extra fees for non-members). They sent that info over, and it included everything I needed to know about fees also. I needed to make sure that the church was going to be in the budget first, because some churches in my area are REALLY expensive to use for weddings. If we had ended up choosing this church for the wedding, we would have made time to visit in person for a service and introduce ourselves to the pastor afterwards. That would also give us a chance to see the church in person and make sure we loved it before getting too attached!