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WTF? Really? That's so weird of her to do that...
Maybe just tell her to grow her hair out so she has something to braid... haha
WOW that is SO invasive and rude not to mention weird. Next time she does it if you are a passive person just say I have to go to the restroom and keep doing that (hopefully she'll get the hint) if you are more aggressive just tell her flat out that while you appreciate that she likes your hair it is not appropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable when she plays with your hair and to please refrain from doing so in the future!
Just make it clear that while you appreciate her love of our hair you really don't like people touching it. Be nice yet assertive. If that does not work buy her a lifesize barbie with a comb and hairbows and maybe she will get what you mean. lol
That's messed up. Definitely tell her, "I'm not really comfortable with having people touch my hair." If she does it again after that, "I asked you not to touch my hair, and I meant it. If you touch my hair again, I'm going to talk to (name of supervisor)." And if she does it again after that, go to the supervisor and tell them you don't WANT to file sexual harassment charges, but if she keeps touching you, you will. Document all the instances in case it does go that far. Companies will usually try to keep it in-house with arbitration or disciplinary action, but you want that record.
Oh gosh, thats weird. I would tell her ok, I know you are obsessed with my hair but please stop touching it. Or when you see her put it in a bun, or buy one of those synthetic fake long hair weaves at the beauty store for a couple bucks and put it on her desk.
@JoJo Bananas: haha I was going to say the same thing!
If you wear your hair already braided or in a bun (or otherwise out of her reach), maybe she'll get the message.
This coworker shouldn't force you to have to wear your hair out of the way just so she won't bother it, though. Honestly, if a simple "please don't touch my hair" doesn't work than this girl really is crazy.
I really don't understand why people see long hair and they feel that is is okay to touch it. Up untill a year or so ago (I donated it) I had hair down to my belt. People would always come and touch my hair and say "Your hair is so beautiful." I never had the balls to say anything to random people but I would give them dirty looks.
I would say "I'm flattered that you love my hair so much, but i have to admit how much I dislike it when people play with it. I'm also really busy with work and would appreciate it if you stopped"
If she keeps trying after that then tell your boss.
I fully agree with kristophine.
This is completely innapropriate and needs to be stopped. Go through the proper channels.
However....the devil in me would suggest that the next time she does it, you start making orgasmic noises really loudly. That should stop her.
@TinyTina: Are you sure smacking her in the face isn't an option? That's just ridiculous. On the bright side, she could be like my coworker and ask you to tweeze her chin hair for her. -__-
It's sooooo weird. The first time she did it, I actually asked her, "Excuse me... What are you doing??" She said, "Braiding your hair." And kept doing it!! I thought it was a one time thing so I didn't say anything, but she has done it multiple times now.
It's just so awkward and I am quiet, but I think I am just going to have to try and politely ask her not to touch my hair.
.... For the meantime I have it up in a bun, but I just prefer to wear it as a standard ponytail.
@TinyTina: If you don't want to be forward about it then say something like, "Hey I am trying to use this new organic shampoo free of phosphates, but it requires that not touch my hair as much as possible because of the extra oils on my hands. I've been meaning to say something, but didn't want to be rude. Could you please not touch my hair so that I don't have to switch back to the harsher shampoos." Even if it's a complete lie she should take the hint and you are still being polite.
If it was me personally I would just straight up say, "I really don't mean to sound rude, but please don't touch my hair anymore. It makes me uncomfortable and it's really distracting when I am trying to get work done."
Hmmm... Next time I would let her know that it's not ok to keep doing it. Since you never directly told her not to she probably doesn't think about whether you care or not. I think it's creepy when people do stuff like that. My friend has really long thick blonde hair and one hair dresser started stroking her hair and saying how lovely it was before cutting it.
For the record, my hair is nearly waist-length and no-one has ever tried to stroke it! (I have nice hair too....)
If they did, unless they were a really close friend then I'd be super freaked out. I think you need to be firm though.
Huh? I've never heard of someone BRAIDING another person's hair without permission. I'm usually one of the few black ladies where ever I've worked and I have natural hair. I've had more than a few people tentatively ask if they could touch/feel the texture. They ALWAYS ask though. No one has ever come up to me and touched my hair. That's so weird. Tell her to stop. I know you say you are not assertive but you are probably going to blow up at her one day and she would be surprised because you never told her how much it bothered you.
@kristophine: this.
Seriously, it's NOT okay and it needs to stop. Start by saying "Please don't bother my hair anymore". If she touches it, pull away from her and say "stop. I don't want you to do that."
Don't worry with threats. If she does it again, after you've told her to stop, GO TO YOUR SUPERVISOR! Or even HR. We have an open-door policy here, but I'd still go to my boss first.
Just tell your boss "I've told Jane to not braid/touch my hair and she refuses to leave me alone. I don't want to get her in trouble, but it's making me uncomfortable and I don't like it." Let it go from there. Be sure to use "it's making me uncomfortable". That's key because THAT will get more done quickly.
plus, if she's doing it to you, she MIGHT be doing it to others or even have a history of it.
I've got nice nearly-waist-length hair. The only one who plays with it, is my daughter and my FI. NO ONE has EVER done anything like that to me before.... other stuff, yeah, but that was easily remedied and was actual harassment.
ew, that's horrible. I mean, nobody would come up to a co worker and touch their face, would they? why does she think it's ok to touch you at all?
anyway, there is already some good advice here. just be polite and direct.
I think you can say stop without being so wordy. Next time she trys to touch your hair, just pull away and say, "Could you not?!?" and look at her sheepishly. Unless she is a total rube, she'll get the message. If that doesn't work, then be wordier "that makes me uncomfortable, could you not touch my hair?".
"Stop touching my hair" should work. If not, go to your supervisor/HR. You shouldn't have to put up with that.
tell her you have lice. (just trying to liven up the responses, since everyone seems to be giving the same great advice!)
Boundaries!!! There is nothing rude about saying, "Please don't touch my hair." You're so nice - but stand up for yourself!!! No one should be touched when they don't want to be. I can't believe she would do that. Honestly, what is wrong with people sometimes?!
wow i'm surprised at everyone's responses. i think she sounds like a really friendly and sweet "girl's girl" type of friend and is just trying to bond. if she was some two faced obnoxious bitch or something, then ok yea i'd be like, "don't touch my hair" but if she's just really friendly and familiar and that's it, i don't think it's so bad. maybe it's because i have guy friends and my husband's guy friends are always at the house, so i wish i had more girlfriends to bond with....especially ones who would braid my hair (i love when my hair is played with lol).
oh well, different strokes different folks, or however the saying goes.
@nontraditionalmiami: If they were over at one anothers house or having a girls night I might say "yeah, okay, bonding" to this. However, this is happening at a place of business. It's unprofessional, unwelcome by the OP and weird. If my manager ever walked up and someone was braiding my hair at my desk, you can bet your ass she would at least wrinkle her nose over the situation.
Oh man, I HATE that. My hair was waist length before I chopped it and I used to hate when people would come up and touch it. It's very thick and curly and I would get "Oh, your hair is so pretty!" Inevitably, they'd get their damn fingers stuck and about scalp me getting them loose. This is one of those things I don't understand, like touching pregnant women's bellies and babies.
You need to tell her straight up to back off. Politely at first, if she doesn't listen then go to your supervisor and let them know. If she's already done it several times, she's not going to stop on her own.
@aleeshabobeesha: yea i see your point. i guess it's weird if the OP doesn't in any way give this girl vibes that she wants to be friends. then yea it might be creepy/awkward.
i actually used to work with a chick i kind of couldn't stand most of the time but she had her moments where she was funny/cool. she would play with my hair sometimes and i totally didn't mind.
Yes, I hate it when that happens and I don't even have long hair! I just hate people playing with it! Is there anyway you could jokingly (spelling?) tell her to leave it alone?
You *ghetto voice*: Gurl, you bettah stop that 'cause I am trippin!"
Haha, maybe not like that. I just wouldn't be straight up mean about it.
You could be rude and say "last time you touched my hair, you gave me lice." LOL.
Actually, I would refer this to your HR, and just tell them you are uncomfortable with her touching your hair every time she is in your cube, or tell your boss she is doing this and have your boss "walk in" when she is doing this and reprimand her.
Haha I love the lice comment! I have long hair too and the other x-ray techs seem to always be in it (we're a close knit bunch apparently) but they don't bother me or disgust me, they're just girls being girly. But your situation with your coworker is really uncomfortable. Just stand up for yourself and tell her she's distracting you. I'd probably snap if someone I didn't like did that to me.
Haha uh, I am avoiding conflict and wearing my hair in my bun. Oh and she is on vacation for the next 2 weeks so I can do what I want. ;)
I can't really say anything to a supervisor because she doesn't work in my department and she has been here for like 10 years. I would feel weird saying something. But I will deff politely tell her to back off next time she does it.....
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I am pretty quiet and reserved in my office. I keep to myself and pretty much just sit at my desk, do my work and go home. Now, to fully appreciate this story you need to know that I have waist-length hair that I usually wear pulled back in a high ponytail.
Lately one of my co-workers (who is incredibly intrusive and borderline rude with some of the questions she asks...) comes up behind while I'm sitting at my desk and starts playing with my hair. She tells me how she loves my long hair and she just can't walk by without braiding it. And then SHE BRAIDS MY HAIR. In the office. While I'm sitting at my desk trying to work.
WTF?? Last time I checked I wasn't a 13 year old girl and this isn't a slumber party!!
She just did right now and I swear I almost smacked her.
Can anyone please, please, please give me advice on how to deal with this insane co-worker?!?!