How would you deal with your mother in law in this situation?

posted 3 weeks ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

get one of these, $7 at Home Depot and you can install it yourself in 5 minutes.  Anytime you’re home, use it.  She won’t get in.  6793b777-b511-441f-b5da-3ffeb1d0f0a4_400_compressed 

Post # 47
Member
1947 posts
Buzzing bee

Bleurgh what the actual heck?! 

Your man needs to be a man and have a conversation with his mother. She needs some boundaries, yesterday, and you two need to be a unit. 

Holy heck, I’ll be honest – this would be a dealbreaker for me. Her behaviour is one thing, but your ‘man’ letting her do all this is insane! Like you said it wasn’t life threatening, and he was staying in the hospital waiting for surgery. He had plenty of time before surgery to tell mum that she needs to back off a little bit, and that he wants you to stay overnight. 

I know I’m pretty harsh but I know a guy who is now divorced because his mum was like this. She broke up his marriage, and he let it happen. Now he’s on his own and she’s still doing it, and he’s still letting it happen. It’s weird and creepy for a grown man to be molly-coddled by his mother. 

Post # 48
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Annoying details aside, it is great that he has TWO women who care deeply for him, and you shouldn’t do anything to push his mom away too far. There may be a time when you need to be taken care of, or when you’re not able to care for him. 

Post # 49
Member
4888 posts
Honey bee

I think she’s going over the top, how old is this man? My husband had a surgery last year and his mother was way hands off. But the difference could have been because I was considered his medical proxy and she wasn’t.

But your FI needs to talk to his mother about her behavior not you. Who knows he could like that kind of things.

 

Post # 50
Member
9338 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think the key thing here is she hasn’t been around for other big events, although she cares for his son which is a big deal. This makes her behavior a little weirder than the normal overly-involved parent syndrome. 

But no, she can’t walk in whenever she is your home. Your man needs to set boundaries, but you need to get that lock PP mentioned ASAP. Don’t let anyone guilt you out of doing that! 

when my FI was in the hospital, his mother never even showed up to visit him once. She did, however, blow up my phone all day and night demanding updates, and even though I asked her to visit him, she didn’t. She’d yell at me about why I didn’t write her back asap and then start sobbing and telling everyone how mean I was for not giving her updates by the minute (literally)  – as if I wasn’t working full time and trying to care for FI. But not once did she do something helpful or supportive. She added to my stress and burden when I was already freaked out and she hurt my FI deeply.

point is, people can show their true colors when they are needed. Your FI’s mom doesn’t see you as his person right now and she’s walking all over you – but she did show up, so that’s worth something.  Hopefully you can set boundaries with her and keep this from spiraling any further.

 

Post # 51
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

jaimimarie28 :  Have you heard of the book called Boundaries? You might want to read it.

Are you familiar with the episode on Sex and the City when Charlotte is having the same problems with Trey’s mom? She walked in on them having sex, and that pretty much fixed that issue on it’s own ;o)

But seriously, coming over unannounced with other people, cooking YOUR food, doing laundry. No. That has to stop. I understand needing a key because of your step son, but your FI has to firm up a bit here. If all of this comes from you, it’s going to make you look like the bad guy. You two need to be a united front.

My advice, wait until he’s healed. Shouldn’t be long. I had my gallbladder out several years ago, and the recovery time was quick. But HE needs to say something now. Just imagine what it’s going to be like with her when the two of you start having kids!

Post # 52
Member
282 posts
Helper bee

My MIL attempted to pull this when my husband was inquiring to get his wisdom teeth removed lol. It was literally just the first visit/examination and she demanded the address of the dentist because she was going to meet us there (and she did!) “Any time my son gets anasthesia I NEED there.” My husband told her (nicely) that she’s being a intrusive and he would prefer only me being present…but we kept the date of the actual procedure from her though to avoid any conflicts (she has a history of showing up despite us asking her not to so that’s why we kept the date from her)…I think she just wants to feel important because it’s her son, but I feel ya bee. Once your FI is healed up it’s definitely worth a conversation to avoid any annoyances in the future.

Post # 54
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

That’s pretty creepy, honestly. I think the bigger issue will be that if your husband doesn’t see this as an issue right away (“he seems to understand that he needs to speak with his mother” isn’t encouraging) that the behavior will continue. 

It’s up to him to put a stop to it, so make sure he does. 

Post # 55
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

The baby talk is definitely what makes this weird. But I agree to just not worry about it right now and let him recover. 

Post # 56
Member
970 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Omg, this sounds exactly like my MIL. Just wanted to chime in and say how incredibly annoying it is – I get it girl! 

Post # 57
Member
10 posts
Newbee

This is not normal! I would lose my mind if I were in your situation. My MIL shows some of these clingy tendancies, but for the most part, she refrains from being too crazy. But I can see how hard she tries to stay her in lane and it’s almost funny to watch. I do appreciate that she controls herself, though.

I think you should find out how your fiance feels about this and have him talk to her about backing off. I’m sorry you have to deal with this!

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