(Closed) How would you feel about a coworker who talks to you about their sex life?

posted 4 years ago in Career
Post # 4
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  Ahhhh, creepy!! I have a (female) boss who does this kind of. Not nearly as bad, but makes comments about how her and her bf “need alone time” and “booked two hotel rooms when they met but only needed one.” Honestly, I think it’s super inappropriate. I would nip that friendship in the bud. He either is hitting on you or has literally no social skills.

Post # 5
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ya, I’d be creeped out as well! I feel for his wife, I’d be livid if FI was telling random people about our sex life (or really any people). It sounds like he’s just a little full of himself and maybe even looking to shock people. If I were in your position I’d have zero problem telling him straight up “no-one wants to hear about your sex life”. Or you could always have some fun with him & try to one up him just to see what happens. If he says he & the wife got kinky & whipped each other last night, just be like “oh, that sounds like fun, we did that about 3 years ago. We’ve since moved on into full on dominatrix, we’re looking for a new lead after our last one said we were too crazy, you think your wife is interested?”. He’ll either shut it up or try to one-up your one-up which can be pretty funny…. 

Post # 6
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Some people are really open.. I work in an office with 6 other women and although none of us hang out outside of work nearly all of them have discussed their sex life with me at some point. 

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, next time he says anything in that respect just say “Hey, are you sure your wife would be comfortable knowing you were telling me these things?”. 

He may just not realise how inappropriate he is being. 

Post # 7
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh, I hate the personal details. My coworkers like to talk about their medical procedures, which I find highly inapporpriate. If they started with their sex lives I would have to change the subject. TMI!

Post # 8
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

My one coworker and I are pretty open with each other, but we still don’t talk sex… And she’s female, so I would be a lot more comfortable talking about my sex life with her than a male. 

Post # 9
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Next time he mentions something about his sex life, just straightforwardly say, “That’s a bit too TMI for me.”  Maybe he doesn’t realize he’s being gross?

Honestly, I don’t even talk sex with my best friend.  I do NOT need the mental images, thank you very much.  I’m kind of a prude, though.  LOL

Post # 10
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I hate this. I LITERALLY had someone tell me the other day that she did not have a hymen when they had sex the first time. GROSS.

Post # 11
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  He shouldn’t be having these types of conversations with you at work. This is very unprofessional, inappropriate and borderline sexual harrassment. I would start losing respect for a colleague if they spoke to me about their sex life, especially a colleague of the opposite sex. I would change the subject the first time this happened very abruptly. If it continued I’d ask him if we could talk about something else. If it continued after that, I’d likely report him to management.

Post # 12
Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

The best way I’ve found for handling these situations is to act grossed out and say something along the lines of “Gee, thanks. I really wanted to know that..” in a tone oozing sarcasm. I’ll say it a couple times (though most people get the hint the first time) then if they keep doing it, I just say something like “Hey, let’s not talk about this stuff anymore. I really don’t need to hear such personal details.” It’s awkward for about 10 seconds, but I always follow it up with a smile and initiate a new topic of conversation. If you can avoid the awkwardness immediately after saying something along the lines of “Stop”, it most likely won’t be awkward later. So sorry you have to deal with this. It’s so uncomfortable!

Post # 13
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

… I read your thread title and was like, “I would report to HR.”

If someone made me feel that uncomfortable, it’s an indirect form of sexual harrassment.

Post # 14
Member
7886 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@greenidlady: @Cynderbug:  I agree, my first reaction was this was flirting. (Unless he talks to everyone this way). Which, when it is at work and unwelcome, is sexual harassment.

If you don’t want to go to HR straight away, shut it down with lines like, “I don’t want to hear” or “that’s not appropriate for work talk”.

Post # 15
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

My employer has a very strict Code of Ethics that we have to sign off every year. We have a way to anonymously inform the Ethics Committee anytime the Code is not honoured. (I work in head office/banking) They even went to painful extents of describing a situation like this in our orientation (when we joined the company) — that it is a big No-No and could be grounds for termination.

“What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.”

But if I was in OP’s shoes, and not going to HR immediately, I would be honest and approach said coworker, “Sorry, I’m not sure if you realize it, but your over-sharing of information is making me feel uncomfortable in a professional environment.”

 

Post # 16
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Agree with paula1248:  (Reply # 13)

My first reaction was this was a odd-ball guy who seems to have a “more than reasonable” interest in you (some men talk dirty hoping to attract a woman)

My second reaction is he is a creepy jerk.

And my third is this needs to STOP… and you are the one who MUST DO IT

Make it EXTREMELY CLEAR to him that this needs to STOP NOW.

That it is unprofessional, and bordering on sexual harrassment.  And if he doesn’t stop IMMEDIATELY you will report him to HR.

Hope this helps,

PS… For future reference… being uncomfortable in a situation is EXACTLY WHEN you should speak up.  Otherwise, sometimes down the road these “creepy” guys can claim, “well she never said anything to the contrary so I assumed she didn’t object / liked it… whatever”  And at a hearing that goes to making YOU look bad… even tho you did nothing wrong.  Find your STRONG Inner Voice and OBJECT LOUDLY.

 

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