Post # 1
I work in an office with around 60 people and I’m cordial with everyone. I don’t consider any of my coworkers friends, but there are some who I’m a little more chatty with than others. Well this one guy who I’m a little cooler with than the rest, has talked to me about his sex life on a few different occasions and it always catches me off guard! It’s just weird to me because it’s not like we’re actually friends (we don’t hangout outside of work ever), and we’re just not all that close…yet he’s comfortable enough with me to tell me random things about what he and his wife do. Like after he came back from his honeymoon he gave me a blow by blow of their first night of married sex, and how he had to manuever everything since she was so drunk…wtf!? If I were his wife I’d be weirded out at my husband telling a random coworker about all that. He even commented on the fact that he wouldn’t be able to last in my relationship (FI & I are LDR) because he “has needs.” Overall he’s a really nice guy, and our conversations are usually fine. It’s just this one area that kinda creeps me out about him! How would you feel if you had a coworker like this?
Post # 4
@Galang_Gyal: Ahhhh, creepy!! I have a (female) boss who does this kind of. Not nearly as bad, but makes comments about how her and her bf “need alone time” and “booked two hotel rooms when they met but only needed one.” Honestly, I think it’s super inappropriate. I would nip that friendship in the bud. He either is hitting on you or has literally no social skills.
Post # 5
Ya, I’d be creeped out as well! I feel for his wife, I’d be livid if FI was telling random people about our sex life (or really any people). It sounds like he’s just a little full of himself and maybe even looking to shock people. If I were in your position I’d have zero problem telling him straight up “no-one wants to hear about your sex life”. Or you could always have some fun with him & try to one up him just to see what happens. If he says he & the wife got kinky & whipped each other last night, just be like “oh, that sounds like fun, we did that about 3 years ago. We’ve since moved on into full on dominatrix, we’re looking for a new lead after our last one said we were too crazy, you think your wife is interested?”. He’ll either shut it up or try to one-up your one-up which can be pretty funny….
Post # 6
Some people are really open.. I work in an office with 6 other women and although none of us hang out outside of work nearly all of them have discussed their sex life with me at some point.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, next time he says anything in that respect just say “Hey, are you sure your wife would be comfortable knowing you were telling me these things?”.
He may just not realise how inappropriate he is being.
Post # 7
Oh, I hate the personal details. My coworkers like to talk about their medical procedures, which I find highly inapporpriate. If they started with their sex lives I would have to change the subject. TMI!
Post # 8
My one coworker and I are pretty open with each other, but we still don’t talk sex… And she’s female, so I would be a lot more comfortable talking about my sex life with her than a male.
Post # 9
Next time he mentions something about his sex life, just straightforwardly say, “That’s a bit too TMI for me.” Maybe he doesn’t realize he’s being gross?
Honestly, I don’t even talk sex with my best friend. I do NOT need the mental images, thank you very much. I’m kind of a prude, though. LOL
Post # 10
I hate this. I LITERALLY had someone tell me the other day that she did not have a hymen when they had sex the first time. GROSS.
Post # 11
@Galang_Gyal: He shouldn’t be having these types of conversations with you at work. This is very unprofessional, inappropriate and borderline sexual harrassment. I would start losing respect for a colleague if they spoke to me about their sex life, especially a colleague of the opposite sex. I would change the subject the first time this happened very abruptly. If it continued I’d ask him if we could talk about something else. If it continued after that, I’d likely report him to management.
Post # 12
The best way I’ve found for handling these situations is to act grossed out and say something along the lines of “Gee, thanks. I really wanted to know that..” in a tone oozing sarcasm. I’ll say it a couple times (though most people get the hint the first time) then if they keep doing it, I just say something like “Hey, let’s not talk about this stuff anymore. I really don’t need to hear such personal details.” It’s awkward for about 10 seconds, but I always follow it up with a smile and initiate a new topic of conversation. If you can avoid the awkwardness immediately after saying something along the lines of “Stop”, it most likely won’t be awkward later. So sorry you have to deal with this. It’s so uncomfortable!
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
… I read your thread title and was like, “I would report to HR.”
If someone made me feel that uncomfortable, it’s an indirect form of sexual harrassment.
Post # 14
@greenidlady: @Cynderbug: I agree, my first reaction was this was flirting. (Unless he talks to everyone this way). Which, when it is at work and unwelcome, is sexual harassment.
If you don’t want to go to HR straight away, shut it down with lines like, “I don’t want to hear” or “that’s not appropriate for work talk”.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
My employer has a very strict Code of Ethics that we have to sign off every year. We have a way to anonymously inform the Ethics Committee anytime the Code is not honoured. (I work in head office/banking) They even went to painful extents of describing a situation like this in our orientation (when we joined the company) — that it is a big No-No and could be grounds for termination.
“What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.”
But if I was in OP’s shoes, and not going to HR immediately, I would be honest and approach said coworker, “Sorry, I’m not sure if you realize it, but your over-sharing of information is making me feel uncomfortable in a professional environment.”
Post # 16
Agree with paula1248: (Reply # 13)
My first reaction was this was a odd-ball guy who seems to have a “more than reasonable” interest in you (some men talk dirty hoping to attract a woman)
My second reaction is he is a creepy jerk.
And my third is this needs to STOP… and you are the one who MUST DO IT
Make it EXTREMELY CLEAR to him that this needs to STOP NOW.
That it is unprofessional, and bordering on sexual harrassment. And if he doesn’t stop IMMEDIATELY you will report him to HR.
Hope this helps,
PS… For future reference… being uncomfortable in a situation is EXACTLY WHEN you should speak up. Otherwise, sometimes down the road these “creepy” guys can claim, “well she never said anything to the contrary so I assumed she didn’t object / liked it… whatever” And at a hearing that goes to making YOU look bad… even tho you did nothing wrong. Find your STRONG Inner Voice and OBJECT LOUDLY.