Weddingbee boards

received an invitation that stated a 3 pm wedding and the wording: Please join us at 6 pm for light Hors D'oeuvres Reception and Dance.

My FMIL wants a plated dinner...at the cost of $10k. For DINNER ONLY.  We're paying for EVERYTHING ourselves and that is how we intended it to be. We're also trying to buy a home. I just can't stomach feeding my guests (no pun intended) $10k worth of food and that doesn't included beverages or the wedding cake. It's strictly the food.

My fantabulous MOH came up with the idea of just Hors D'oeuvres and the dance. My FI is fine with us paying for $5k worth of finger foods. (guest list is HUGE!) but as a "precaution" and to "suggest" that people get the hint to actually EAT dinner before they come to our reception, I thought putting "light Hor D'oeuvres" would imply you shouldn't be expecting to make dinner out of what we're serving.

My FMIL told us to wait on this idea, and let her think about it a couple of days. My FI said, he's not particularly worried about the reception, the ceremony is the most important part to the both of us. He would do without the reception totally if I wanted so Hor D'oeuvres and a dance is perfectly fine with him.

What do you think? As a guest, would you be upset if there wasn't an actual dinner at the reception even though you're being told in advance? 

<font color="#0000cc"></font>

as long as you make it clear, and allow time in between for guests to get dinner, then it is fine!  And tell you FMIL that if she would like to pay the $10k, then go right ahead.  I have seen the same thing happen....my FI's bro and SIL were paying themselves, so they had an 11 am wedding and a light lunch.  The MIL was horrible about it...she complained and insulted the whole thing for a year.  but she never offered to help, mainly because she couldn't, so they just ignored it and did what they wanted!

Yeah for me the problem isn't the Hors D'oeuvres it's the timing. For many people 6 p.m. is the beginning of "dinner time." Especially for families and older people.  If you want people to eat dinner inbetween that means you want them to eat dinner at 4 or 5 p.m. which is an early and odd dining time...Personally I'd feel kind of like you were trying to push the cost of entertaining off on me (the guest). I'd feel that way even more if you had all the typical things you had at a wedding (like a 4 hour reception with dancing, boquet toss, etc). 

My understanding is that when having an Hors D'oeuvres reception or a dessert reception you should always have it at time that could not be considered as a main meal time.   So if you had HD reception at 3 or 4 then people already ate lunch and aren't hungry yet for dinner. Or if doing a dessert reception if you had it at like 9 pm then people already ate dinner, etc.  One way also to give people the hint is to include the time on the reception card.  Like "Champagne Reception from 4-6."  People will get the hint that it's 2 hours of nicety and not a full blow deal with meal.

Okay.. should have said that our chapel is in the mountains. Wedding is at 3 pm and will last approx 45 minutes. So we aren't even looking at our guests leaving until at least 4:30 and our reception is 1/2 hour away at the base of the mountain in the city right next to the "Promanade" with 40 resturants, shopping, entertainment center, etc. So it's not like there isn't anything to do. :)

We were originally thinking a 6 pm cocktail/hordeovers and 7 pm dance. that can eaisly be changed to 7 pm cocktail and 8 pm dance.

We've already fully paid for our chapel and our reception. We have paid for all of our wedding party's clothing and THEY CHOSE what they wanted to wear. Each girl chose her own Bill Levkoff dress and I picked up the tab on whatever they wanted. Same with our flower girls, the guy's tuxes and our mothers dresses. We have footed everything for our wedding ourselves. We didn't expect, ask, want anyone to pay for anything. Nor did we whine about it.

This is just the FMIL throwing a wrench. The biggest part of our day is the ceremony I feel that already paying an 10k for our reception is plenty without adding an addtional 10. Our entire wedding is about 30K. It's like, come on, get real. We don't NEED nor do we want a $40,000 wedding!

I wouldn't be upset at all. It's understandable. But the timing is a little different. Could you have your h'ordeurve reception at 4pm instead of 6pm? Then people would not expect dinner anyway because it's early enough.

I like the idea of the desserts also. We could set the time back an hour and a half and go later into the evening. That would work even better as my FI is a cop and some of the guys can't come until after they are off duty.

Thanks for the suggestions

I would be annoyed as a guest still. I would want all wedding stuff together, not a break in between. I want to be able to celebrate it with the bride and groom right after, not wait and have a meal and entertain myself. It kills the whole mood for me, that day is about celebrating someones marriage, not what fun things can we find to do in town while waiting for the part-ay later. I'm not saying spend the money for the meal, just perhaps re-evaluate the whole layout of the day.

if you can do it, i would cut down on your guestlist and serve dinner. my rule, honestly, is though it is your special day and your choice on what to do (hors d'oeuvres are totally fun though and a lot of times filling), stay considerate to your guests who have taken time out of their day to spend with you, celebrating with you, perhaps traveling far to be present, spending funds for accommodations, general trip expenses, and perhaps your wedding gift.  giving them a small dinner along with select hors d'oeuvres is just a small gesture in return. you can definitely make an hors d'oeuvres event special and fun, though. good luck!

Now that I hear about the whole mountain thing, I say start it at 7pm.  On the invitations write "dessert and dancing" - so that way no one expects dinner and knows to eat.  At the actual reception, serve Hors D'oeuvres in addition to the wedding cake (substantial food while drinking is better than just sugar). 

I think this entire scenario is just fine.  After the ceremony, people will drive down the mountain, grab a quick meal, and join you for cake and dancing (it is a fabulous bonus that their will be hors d'oeuvres).

I agree with Sweeney - on the website mention restaurants (will any of these places require reservations to eat quickly - mention that if so).

Have a fabulous wedding, E

"Dessert and Dancing"  that's perfect enmoore66.  I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to put it.

I think 7 is good timing and like I said above, will also allow the other police officers to come by after work since we're just moving our time up by an hour. Our contract says we can start at 6 or 7 without any penalties.  Thanks for the great wording.

i agree that it's the timing.  if hors d'oeuvres, then why not just have it immediately after the ceremony?  but if dessert, then i'd definitely make it a bit later, like 7 or 8pm. 

you know what though, if you serve heavy enough hors d'oeuvres, then people may get pretty full already.  that's what happened to my cousin's wedding.  and people actually had a ton more fun cuz it was pretty much just dancing/drinking.  their timing was similar to yours actualy, ceremony started at 3, but again, we started the party immediately after.  no 2 hour gap.  still danced, still had a ball. 

good luck to you!

I would also agree with those who said to push back the reception and change it to "dessert and dancing."