(Closed) How would you feel if…..

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

The going through phone texts and messages thing is pretty weird and I wouldn’t be comfortable with it.. but I would not fault someone for discussing our relationship with their friend, especially if that friend is very close… I think that’s part of what friendship is, is dishing with each other about problems and what else may have you.  He may think you have more insight on the more intimate details because you are female?

Post # 4
9629 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nona99:   Yikes!  I understand your discomfort completely.  I have a male co-worker “friend” who insists at times telling me way more than I ever want to know about his dates, the difference is my male “friend” is neither close to me or an old friend, he’s only a co-worker in my eyes. 

But the way I see it is sometimes guys just need female input and they trust us, like sisters maybe, to provide it about other women.  I don’t like it at all when it happens and I usually hold up my hand and say, “Eeww, Joey, Too Much Information, good Lord, stop now!  And get out of my office so I can get back to work.”  He still comes by and tries again at another time, lol.

Guys are clueless!  I’m sure you were too befuddled and taken off guard to tell him to stop, since he really is your old and close friend (not just a co-worker like in my case) but if he does it again I’d tell him to please back off.  And to back off of her!  He’s acting like a crazy person, lol.  He must really like her.  😉  DOH!! 

Tell him he’s doing everything completely wrong and whatever his gut feeling is about how to behave with her, to immediately do the opposite.

Post # 5
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Mortified and pissed. If you are uncomfortable with this then your friend needs to vent elsewhere. 

Post # 6
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would be pissed. First he’s invading my privacy by searching through my phone, not ok. Second, he’s spilling all the gory details about our relationship issues before I even have a chance to meet these people, talk about automatically giving your friends a biased opinion on someone you want them to like.


Post # 7
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I guess I just don’t care about stuff like that. If a person is a close friend, they can pretty much tell me anything (as long as they didn’t murder someone or something equally drastic) and I won’t judge. I’d probably throw out there that going through someone’s phone is kind of crazy but I wouldn’t shut down the conversation or anything.

Post # 9
11172 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

This is a tough situation.

While you of course want to be there for your friend there is a limit of what we can file away and not let affect our opinions of people. Honestly I don’t think there is a great solution other than being open with your friend. If they don’t know whether something is true or not perhaps they shouldn’t communicate it.

I have a friend that about a year ago opened up to the group telling us that her Darling Husband verbally abused her and hinted that he may have at one time hit her. She was really upset. Months later she avoid the topic altogether, acts like WE are the crazy ones and they are talking about having another child. She insists that we all hang out and be friend despite what we know and the fact that he is incredibly insecure around outgoing and secure women and lashes out at us. Unfortunately what she revealed to us only opened the door to our bias and we want nothing to do with him. 🙁


Post # 10
423 posts
Helper bee

@Nona99:  Been there. My former used to bombard me with all these intimate details about his relationship with his (hold your breath) WIFE! All the ways in which she doesn’t measure up to what he and I used to have. I felt really uncomfortable no matter how close I was to him. So I politely but firmly asked him to drop the topic. You are not alone…

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