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A year or two isn't that long in the grand scheme of your lives together! It'll go much faster than you think:)
I would be happy that he was giving some time of time line. Why can't you be together either way?
I'd be happy he said he wanted to marry me! A couple more years will pass in the blink of an eye. What's the rush?
i have zero patience (and im already in my 30's), i would be thinking omg two whole years. goodluck, i know its tough being ready to start the next part of your life and not being able to
@mwitter80: My job and his school are in different states. He doesn't want to get married until he graduates and gets a job, but he's not sure where that job will be located, or even when he'll graduate. I don't want to quit my job and move to where his school is under such uncertain circumstances (we wouldn't live together). I wouldn't mind getting married before he graduates, but it sounds like he wants to wait.
The most important thing is that he does want to marry you. Maybe you could get engaged in a year or so and married in 2-3 years. Trust me the time will pass quicker than you think.
I know it seems like a lot but really time flies! It's exciting that he's on that page, I mean two is better than, say, four?
I totally understand how you feel(trust me) but don't nag for a sooner date because who knows, maybe he'll decide to throw you off and ask earlier!
If you get the wedding itch, Weddingbee is a great place to let it out and a little secret internet dress searching beforehand never hurt anyone :)
Hmm well if he wants to get married in a year or two, how long does he plan on being engaged to you for? I know a lot of couples that have "long" engagements of several years, so maybe it's not as far off as you think!
I'm currently waiting as well (although BF has bought the ring and told me he wants to get married next year), but it has been really hard waiting, especially after we moved in together and got a lot more serious.
If he loves you and wants to marry you someday, that's all you really need!
I would be happy that he wants to marry me! I'm in a bit of a similar position as you, so maybe I can help put it in persepctive.
My boyfriend and I are coming up on the two-year mark, and he's not totally sure of our future together. He said he wants to know whether or not he wants to marry me by the two-year mark, so we've been having a lot of discussions about the future lately, mostly initiated by him. He loves me to pieces, and all that mushy stuff, but there are still a lot of unknowns on his side.
For instance, his family lives overseas, and I haven't seen them in a year, nor have I met his extended family at all, so he's not sure how accepting they will be of me (being of a different race, culture, and nationality), and he wants me to get a chance to interact with them more. (We may move to this location - Hong Kong - in a few years, if we stay together, so this is somewhat important to know, I guess.)
Also, we are both just starting out in our careers, and he has expressed a desire for both of us to get a little more established before combining our lives together.
There are some other smaller "issues" as well that he is uncertain on, but you get the idea.
A couple weeks ago, he said he couldn't see himself getting engaged for at least another 2 years. I agree with him that we both need to get a bit more settled in our lives and figure a few things out first, so I understand where he's coming from there. I am patient, and I can wait it out.
But I would feel more comfortable waiting if I knew that he had every intention of marrying me~ and right now, he's not 100% sure. I told him that he doesn't have to know by our two-year anniversary, and if it takes him longer, that's fine~ I won't go anywhere. I love him, and don't want him to feel pressured by this arbitrary timeline he's schemed up.
But if he told me he DEFINITELY wanted to get married at some point in the future, I would be super excited. At least then I would know that I'm not being strung along and I would feel that we are both truly and equally committed to the relationship.
So, with regards to your situation, I think that you should at least be happy that your guy wants you in his future, and has marriage on the brain. And as other posters have said, a year or two is not that much in the grand scheme of things. It will fly by before you know it! And you may not even have to wait that long either. So I think that it's a good thing, and you should focus on the positives in this situation. Hope this helps! =]
A year or two will fly by! I'm kinda in the same boat, my fiance is in the military and I'm still in school, so we're long (very long! lol) distance and we're waiting to get married until after I finish school in two years. At first I wanted to just get married in a year when he gets back from deployment, but then I decided it would probably be more responsible on my part to just wait it out and get my degree and to get married when we could actually live together. So now we're having a super long engagement. Which also might be an option you guys can discuss. Either way, I really think it'll go by faster than you're anticipating. Plussss, he wants to marry you! Yay!!!!!!
at 2 years together, i would be fine.it would be nice to know that he was thinking of our future.
but i understand how you feel. i'm in an ldr and i did experience a sinking heart when i heard that timeline in terms of us moving to be together. it's tough to wait especially when you're so ready to just get on with life and be together but you know, it'll happen soon enough [though it's honestly never soon enough]. but i would just focus on the fact that he knows that he wants to marry you! there are plenty of people who are dealing with SOs who are still figuring that part out after 2 years together. so happy thoughts!
I was with my fiance for 4 1/2 years before we got engaged and at the 2/3 year mark he was starting to sometimes say things like this. I think it was a bit easier for me cause we did take some big steps in the interim, like moving in together, buying a house, and buying a cat (yes thats the biggest commirrment!!).
I think that if you love him and genuinely want to be together, so what you can to distract yourself from the idea of getting engaged and just enjoy the time you get to spend together. It sounds like it will happen!
@Sanfranny1: Why rush, it sounds pretty sensible of him to want to wait, I wanted to wait till I had finished my study too, how old are you, unless you are in your mid 30s and your clock is ticking what's the rush.
Sanfranny, I can relate to your situation in so many ways. My BF and I have been in an LDR for 2 years too. We had talked about getting married in the next year or so, but due to changes in my career path, it didn't make sense. When we first came to this conclusion, I wasn't at all happy. At this point, we are waiting I can figure out where I'll be the next few years. I was upset (I can be VERY impatient), but then BF reassured me that I am his future wife, and we will get married when the time is right.
Being in an LDR can cause an array of challenges aside from the challenges of any (non-long distance) relationship. One of the perks, though, is that we have developed incredible communication skills. I would suggest talking to him about it and really letting him know how you feel. For me, having the reassurance that he and I are on the same page is very comforting even though it's not exactly what I was hoping for. I guess it helps me to look at the situation more positively and appreciate the fact that I have met and am madly in love with the man of my dreams. . .and it always helps when he refers to me as his "future wife"!
Thanks for all the comments. You've helped me to put things in perspective. I know it's great that he sees us getting married in the future, and a year or two isn't really that long of a wait. I don't think that either of us wants to have a particularly long engagement, so I think we'll have to wait until he has a better timeline for his studies before getting engaged. In the meantime, I'll try to be more patient. It's just frustrating to know that so many details have to be worked out before we can finally be physically together.
Why not further discuss this with him for clarification so that the two of you are on the same page? Then you can make up your own mind about how you feel instead of feeling confused and needing cryptic interpretation of his intentions.
Marriage = communication
Happy! But I'd ask if he'd be ok with getting engaged sooner than later so that we could start securing the venue etc. But I wouldn't push.
Don't k now your age,but you should be excited. A year or two can really fly by. Seriously!
At my age, 30, I'd have to move it to a year from now.LOL But that's at my age.
If I may ask, how old are both of you?
Honestly, a year or two isn't that long, especially considering he's still in school and doesn't know when he'll graduate. I would only be worried that he's giving you a timeline to "shut you up" persay, because he said he doesn't want to get married till he's graduated, has no idea when he will graduate, yet has given you a timeline.
If I were you, I would ask him to sit down and figure out exactly how much longer he expects school to take, just so you're both on the same page about how much longer you may have to wait
If he wants to marry in a year or two, that would make me think he wants to get engaged sonner which is good!!
Well considering hes already told you that he wants to finish school and settle down a bit before hand I'm hoping you really take this as a good thing rather than bad. It sounds like he wants to make sure you guys have a secure future before getting married and that is a great thing.
I know two years sounds incredibly long to wait (i know I've been in a semi-LDR for 2 years myself) but it will give you the chance to sort things out for yourself first and get anything you really wanted to do out of the way. Also, you can always start slowly getting your wedding plans together and so by the time your engagement does happen, you don't have to wait as long to get married :)
Well, that was me so....I wouldn't mind! At the 2 year mark we talked about me moving in and as it as a step towards marriage. At the 3 year mark, he's bought a ring and we're planning next summer for the wedding. Just make sure he know how much time you'd ideally like to plan a wedding - mine thought I needed less than I think I do.
ETA: I'm 32, he's 36 as of next week.
This reminds me of an exact conversion I had with my SO at about 9 months in:
Me: When do you see yourself getting married?
Him: I dunno when I'm about 31/32
Me: Oh.
He was 27 at the time and I was 24.
That felt like forever away.
He's 30 now and we are borderline getting engaged.
It'll fly by.
DH and I had a similar conversation - it took him almost 4 years to propose.
As others have mentioned: focus on the fact that he's brought up the fact he wants to marry you. Now you have to do EVERYTHING in your power to be patient and let things unravel as they must.
Use these last couple years and embrace your singleness as much as possible - because once you've crossed over to the other side, that's all a distant (and hopefully happy - because you maximized the time) memory!
I think it's very encouraging that it is on his radar at least. Boyfriend told me that a few years ago too. Now we have been together for 4 years and I think a proposal is close. It is hard to wait, but important to remember that the person you are with and your relationship is the most important- not the timing of a proposal (though it can be hard to remember that sometimes :-))
I would feel WONDERFUL- he is telling you what he wants and a year or two isn't a long time at all.
I think you should try to be happy about it. The fact he's happy to discuss it as a reality means he sees it as happening. A year or two will fly right by. Men always think practically and so if this is how long it takes him to feel financially/emotionally ready etc, then just give him that time. It's good news, try tobe patient!!
i know where you are coming from, the same thimg happened to me when this past april, the SO told me that he wanted to get married in three years.......i was crushed as well. later on i exploded and asked him what the hold up was and he said that he wanted time to get me the ring i deserve and be able to save for the wedding. so i calmed down and stopped mentioning it and he now has given me a time line of an engagement early next year and them a wedding 2yrs after that. i figure it gives me time to hit the gym come here to vent lol. i would just say keep urself occupied and at least he has though about it and has imagined marrying you.
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How would you feel if your boyfriend of 2 years said that he wanted to marry you "in a year or two?" Would you feel excited that he was thinking about a future with you, or depressed that it was so far off on the horizon? Not long ago, I would have been thrilled to know that my boyfriend wanted to marry me at all. But when he gave me this line last night, it made my heart sink. We're currently in an LDR, and I'm SO READY to be together. I just want to get engaged and start planning our future. Tonight, I'm really struggling to be patient.