Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
I’m not sure of how many of you recall my “ring saga” in which my original e-ring needed to be replaced because it kept dropping stones. When we replaced my ring, we decided to custom design it and work with Schubach’s. It was great, because I got to incorporate so many things I wanted but didn’t have in my last ring. Claw prongs? Got them. Split shank, got it. Double halo, check. Fleur-de-lis undergallery, only my favorite part.
Now here’s where things get interesting. I told a friend of mine all about moissanite, so she is really set on getting that for her e-ring too. Great! Next she asked where mine was purchased. I told her, because I highly recommend Schubach’s to any and all that ask. Well next, her soon-to-be FI messages me on fb and says, “She told me you got your ring from Schubach’s and she really just likes everything about your ring. Do you care if I just ask them to make her yours?”
I side-stepped a bit…
I’m flattered that he just wanted to get her my ring, but I figured she would want something unique, not the exact same ring as me since we have the exact same circle of friends, etc. I suggested some alternate design ideas and showed him some video/pics. I thought he ended the convo feeling pretty good/informed.
Until… she messaged me the next day and said, “You just confused the hell out of B. Why did you try and talk him out of what I want?” I told her politely that DH and I spent quite a bit of time working to get this ring exactly how I wanted it… the fleur-de-lis is even similar to my deceased father’s monogram… to which she replied, “It’s cool, I loved your dad too!” Ugh, that was not my point.
I guess I’m a little flattered that she just wants to copy me (immitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?), but at the same time I just feel weird about it. Like I got it custom designed to make it way more personal and special to me, to make it unique. And now one of my best friends will be wearing the EXACT same ring? How would you all feel? Am I over thinking this? Or do I need to tell her to be creative and come up with something on her own? I mean it’s not like I hold a patent on the design or anything, but I can’t shake this weird feeling.
Obligatory ring pics
Post # 2
I would just straight up tell her, “I’m really flattered that you like my ring, but part of the reason I got a custom ring was to have a one of a kind ring. I’d rather not have a friend have the exact same ring as me. If you’d like help designing something that’s perfect for you, I’d definitely be down with helping you with that, but I’d really prefer to keep my ring unique.” Or something along those lines. Totally weird that she doesn’t get that you don’t want to have identical engagement rings, though. Even with my not custom ring I’d be super not okay with a friend having the EXACT same one.
Post # 3
I’d be upset. If she wants a custom ring, she should put some work into it and make it her own.
Post # 4
If it is YOUR custom design, why would Schubach make if for someone else? FI looked into going the custom route and the jeweler he was considering included a clause in the contract which stated that the ring that FI designed with the jeweler would not be reproduced for another customer without FI’s written permission.
It’s nice that your friend likes your taste, but you guys went custom for a reason. She needs to find a stock setting or spend the effort to create something of her own instead of duplicating your design prong for prong.
Post # 5
I have a solitaire, so everyone and their grandma has my ring…so maybe Im not equipped to comment, but I dunno…it’s just a ring.
Those touches will have no meaning for her other than it looks pretty, so I think if anything it enhances the sentiment of yours.
And in six months you won’t even notice her ring anymore anyway. I guess I just don’t think it’s worth making it a whole big thing if she really wants it. At the end of the day it’s a piece of metal. It’s how you feel about it that makes it special.
Post # 6
i would try to contact schubachs and tell them if someone calls asking for your design that they should NOT release it to them. I got a super common ring (6 prong solitiaire) but if i DESIGNED my ring, i would be in the same boat as you. I’m sad for you that she is not “getting” it. She clearly is ignorant to all the meaning in your ring. 🙁
Post # 7
I agree that it’s just a ring but as a close friend how the hell can she not see that you went to a lot of trouble to make yours personal, why would she want the exact same? I find that a bit creepy, and would tell her straight that you’re not happy with her having the same ring. You can’t stop her of course but can let her know your feelings, how anyone would think that’s a normal request is beyond me. Oh and maybe call the jeweller explaining your situation and see if there’s any contract with your ring as above poster mentioned, you can’t stop her trying but maybe the jeweller can 😉
Post # 8
FutureDrAtkins: First of all GORGEOUS ring!
Second, this: “It’s cool, I loved your dad too!” <br />Seriously wtf. I’m surprised she doesn’t want something unique and special to her? Something all her own?
This is quite insane of her. I’m sure tons of people have a ring just like mine, plain white gold solitaire :), but I didn’t custom design mine.
I wouldn’t have a problem if say the jewelry store wanted to use my design to sell, I’d think that’s pretty cool, but I’d seriously side-eye a friend who wanted exactly what I have. What a weirdo.
Post # 9
If she’s close to you I would straight up tell her that it has personal meaning to you and you spent a lot of time designing it to be YOUR one of a kind ring. If she can’t respect that she’s not too good of a friend.
Post # 10
That would irritate me a lot. I agree with the PP and just tell her you are flattered but you and your DH spent a lot of time designing it and it’s personal. If she wants help designing hers she can call the jewler for an appointment.
She seems kinds pushy about this and such this ring is so unique to you I would even go a step further and call the jewlers to tell them the situation and say you do not want her shown your designs/molds etc.
Post # 11
Yeah, I would be annoyed as well. I think you handled it well by suggesting some alterations. But she doesn’t seem to like that idea. So you have to decide if, at the end of the day, it is worth hurting a friendship? Her having the same ring won’t make yours any less beautiful or meaningful for you. It does make it less “unique”, at least among your group of friends. So you have to think about what your priorities are. Is you having a ring that is unique more important than potentially causing drama with your friend? If it was me, I’d probably bitch to my fiance but eventually come around to not making a scene about it. I’d want my friend to have a ring she loves, even if it’s the one that I love as well! But that’s me. Only you can know what will work for you.
Post # 12
I’d find it annoying too. I’d say, “Hey friend, sorry about the miss understanding with your BF. I just thought you’d want something similar to my ring, but just a big different – you know, something unique to you. I mean, that is the whole point of making a custom ring. Don’t you think it’d be a bit weird to have the exact same ring?” Maybe she just got swept away in the thought of getting a ring/engaged and hasn’t stopped to think how strange it is.
But in the end, you have to let her and her BF make their own decisions. You got your dream ring and she’s should be able to get her dream ring too. And honestly, while your ring is beautiful, I don’t find it all that unique. There are lots of double halo, split shank rings out there.
Post # 13
Honestly, I don’t think I’d care, but I am not particularly sentimental.
Post # 14
Boo. That sucks. I can see both sides of it though. You being upset she wants the same custom design you came up with but also her not understanding why she can’t have it too. Maybe just talk to her about changing it up a little bit so it isn’t 100% the same?
Post # 15
I think I’d send her a DVD of “Single, White Female”, because that’s just weird (and sort of creepy).
And since you ask the question, I wouldn’t like it one bit if one of my friends got the same ring as me. I decided against an etoile wedding band, because one of my friends has one even though she said it was okay. We are not Tweddledee and Tweedledum, you know?