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I'd be crushed (at least I assume - I don't have kids yet). I can't even call my MIL "mom". She's great and I love her to pieces but she isn't and never will be my mom. That title belongs to one woman and one woman only.
It would crush me. My son once said something about his step mom being mommy and I cried. I am his mother, not her. He calls my DH by his name not daddy, because, although he is a father figure, he is not his biological dad.
OMG NO, I couldn't stand it. My kids have a stepmom, but they call her by her first name. And then add to that the insult that this is a former "friend" who your husband cheated on you with? I cannot even imagine.
I should clarify, I would be angry at the step-mom for posting this and for encouraging it. I'd be very sad if my child felt that he/she's step-mom were their mother.
Wow... I would be devastated! That poor girl... she did nothing wrong and yet gets half custody. I would totally press for full custody! I feel terrible for her, and yes, if I was in her place, I would be absolutely crushed.
@beekiss: I wish that were the case but from what I hear, he refers to her as "Mommy" IRL.
No and if I were Jane, I'd slap Anne.
Honestly, if FI's son ever referred to me as mom or anything close, I'd be horrified and correct him. I'm not his mom.
@UpstateCait: Ugh! I wonder if she told him to call her "mommy" and since he's a child he just goes along with it.
It is up to the kids real mother to say if this is ok or not. My neice is a stepmother, and her 6 year old stepdaughter calls her MammaMia, or Ma. Her real mother is Mom or Mommy. My neice was raised in a house with a stepdad, that she called Pop, but Dad was reserved for her real father. It's possible in this relationship Mom or Mama is his real mom and Mommy is reserved for the step-mom.
It depends...I think in this situation, I would be really hurt. However, my godson calls me mom and has always called me mom his whole life. My daughter also called my best friend mom until she got older. I never asked her to stop doing it...she did on her own. Now a heffah who was cheating with my man is a horse of another color. I would put a stop to that.
One of FI's friends has a kid and the kid's mom is really awful, tries to keep the kid away from his dad at every turn, tries to turn the kid against his dad, etc. She was trying to get the boy to call her husband Daddy for awhile but thankfully it didn't work. It's pretty sad because it's all about her ego, not about the kid--if he was closer with his stepdad than with his own dad that would be one thing, but that's certainly not the case here.
Another fun little tidbit of info… the reason “Anne” and I are no longer friends is because after she told me about their affair, I was disgusted and asked her if she felt bad. She said “no”. I then asked her if she would ever do something like that to me (I had recently started dating my ex at the time). She said “maybe”. ARE YOU F'ING SERIOUS?!?
I was invited to their wedding but I didn’t attend. If I had it in me I would have totally gone and requested the DJ to play “Homewrecker”.
@beekiss: I assume that's probably what happened.
Ok, this is coming from a totally DIFFERENT perspective.
I have a son who's 16 months older than my eldest nephew. Now, my son doesn't call my SIL "mom" or any version there-of.
My NEPHEW calls ME "MOMMY" on occassion. I find it cute and don't care. Mostly because I AM a mom and it's what my son calls me all the time. My SIL has gotten to where she doesn't care. I treat all the kids as my own and, to be honest, my kids are like siblings. (Strangers think they ARE siblings!!! Especially my daughter and youngest nephew who are only 6 months apart. People think THEY are twins!)
Now, there IS a difference between my family and the OP: My SIL didn't want boys. After she found out she was having a boy, she stopped being excited about the pregnancy and the baby. She makes my brother care for them while she does NOTHING.
Since my eldest has gotten bigger, he usually calls me "Aunt Myname", though when he's being a mischievous little boy, he calls me "mommy" with a devilish grin on his face. But it's NOT that often.
It's POSSIBLE Jane's wee one is calling Anne "mommy" because Anne's wee one does. Kids DO copy each other.
Unless the MOTHER OR FATHER has an issue with it, I don't think it should be a problem.
@Zinzerena: I see where you're coming from but thats not the case here. "Anne" and "Mikes" baby is like 3 months old.
Oh! So, I'm not a mother. For story purposes, I am a step-mom (I personally HATE/LOATHE/HATE) the term step-mom.
However, my FI's kids, have never called me mom. Personally, I don't want them to. I'm not their mom. I will never be their mom. I do not WANT to be their mom. They have a mom and she is almost TOO involved in their lives for her own good.
I love those little boys, and I would do anything for them, but I know I'll get my own chance at motherhood within the next couple years, and I have no desire of taking that title from anyone else.
However, their "mother", who has never met me and refuses to meet me, seems to believe I am TRYING to play "family" with her kids. That I am "pretending" they are mine. I'm not sure how she knows all this, since like I said, she has never met or seen me with her children. LOL. She's insane. (and please, there is far more to this story than what's written here, I already know seeing your kids with another woman is hard. That's not what my point here is).
I know a girl who is just like this (minus the messed up how-they-got-together story). I think it's weird. Also, I'm a nanny and the boys will occasionally call me "mommy" by accident, and I always say, "Who?" or "Mommy is in the other room but I can help." I don't want to step on anyone's toes.
Also, I never call anyone else Mom. I have my own-- she's awesome and she is the only person I will call mom. Some of FH's friends call his mom (my FMIL) Mom, and while I think she is amazing, I call her by her name. I feel like titles like that (Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, Sister, etc) are really significant and personal. But maybe that's just me.
At any rate, I get where you're coming from.
if i were jane, i would probably be devastated....BUT on the other hand, Anne's been in this kid's life since he was born, right? and they have joint custody? i think i would rather have anne love the kid as her own, even if he calls her mommy, than treat the kid like she didn't care about him at all. now, i don't have kids and have never dealt with divorce, so my opinion is completely based on a hypothetical, but i would think keeping the animosity of the break up away from the kid is the goal, right? it's a messy situation, but is it really so bad if the kid thinks of the adults all as parents?
Ok so I am a bonus mom (we don't use step because it feels negative), of an amazing 3 1/2 year old boy. DH and I met when his son was still quite young (16 months). DH and his ex-wife have a very good relationship. His ex-wife hated a girlfriend he had prior to me and caused tons of trouble for him, however her and I got along right away. I met her about a week after I met DH's son for the first time. DH's son started immediatley calling me "Sa" my first name is Melissa and he just held onto the last to letters. Now everyone refers to me as Sa in his family lol. He still calls me Sa and thinks that it's funny when people call me Melissa because he thinks my name is Sa lol. Now there's a point here to this :)
Sometimes he calls me Mom. He slips and will call me that and I don't correct him. Sometimes he calls his Dad "Mom". Now one time his Mother came to pick him up and he turned around gave me a kiss and said "I love you Mom". I looked right up at her in panic. She smiled at me and said "Don't worry sometimes he calls me Sa". I was glad that it didn't cause an issue and we both giggled. I think it depends on the relationship between the motherly figures how this would be handled.
We even buy each other Mother's day gifts :)
How nice! It has been 3 years and the ex-wife still won't even make eye contact with me when FI and I are at his son's sports events and school activities.
@ohheavenlyday: Ugh I'm sorry I think that sucks. I couldn't imagine not trying to get along with someone that my child was going to be around all of the time. I would much rather have conversations and talk to the person to make sure that they aren't totally crazy and that I didn't have something to worry about. I don't think I would have even dated DH, forget marry him, if the situation between me and his ex would have been bad.
LoL. The ex in our life would probably attack me if she would ever, even try to be in the same room as me. It's also been 3 years of this crap. I feel for you.
That is soooo nice. I HOPE one day to have this kind of relationship with my FI's ex. Unfortunately, I am not holding my breath as it is a highly unlikely situation. Although, I just want to point out, just how nice it is to hear that there ARE these types of relationships out there, totally gives me a little tiny, tiny bit of hope.
She wouldn't attack me but she has gotten very good at pretending I do not exist. She seems to resent that I come to these things at all, but I wonder would she rather her son have a step-parent who didn't give a crap and never made it a point to support him?
I don't want to be BFF with her as I understand that is probably not ever going to happen. But I'd also like her not to sit 30 feet away on the bleachers giving death glares at sports events either.
@ohheavenlyday: I often wonder the same thing. Instead of telling your two little, impressionable boys to hate someone, and that they aren't allowed to like [this] person. Wouldn't you ask "do they treat you well? Do they care about you like I care about you? if they do those things, they're ok in my books".
Yea, I don't get to go to sporting events, or school things, because I'm actually quite scared of this woman.
@mwitter80: It's great that you and your DH's ex have a good relationship. You don't see much of that these days.
I would die, and if for any reason my ex's new girl felt like MY child should be calling her anything other than her first name ( I MAY...MAY even permit Mama <insert first name here>). But Mike is a real douchecopter for allowing his son to call anyone else but Jane mom.
Call me naive but I just assumed that if a stepparent had been in a child's life since the early years, that they would be called 'mum' or 'dad'. I think it depends on when the child became a stepchild but it sounds like it was pretty early on in the piece.
Little guys sometimes call every woman "mommy" it is kind of a phase, but this seems more than that. I would be really pissed if I were the childs real mother. I am a step mother to a young boy whose really mother passed away, and I am still just plain "first name".
Like tickles said it depends on when the child knew that particular person. But I would still be heartbroken because I am my sons mom, and it terrifies me to think anyone else could replace me. Unless of course I passed away, I would certainly hope my fiance would choose a suitable lady to take over my roll.
I think every family dynamic is different, so it's really hard to say if it's "right" for the child to call Anne "mommy." I think what a lot of people loose sight of is the child's best interest. In the end it doesn't really matter who's feelings are hurt because as parents we should all be mature adults. It doesn't matter if someone is a step-mom, an aunt, a friend, etc. What matters is the relationship between that child and that adult. If this little boy feels comfortable enough and safe enough to call Anne his mommy than that should be encouraged no matter the history between the adults envolved. In this case especially, I think it's important to realize that Anne is probably a prominate female figure in this child's life and she probably is helping to raise him. It's his choice who he wants to recognize as his mother and if he wants two mothers than that should be okay too.
Hmmm I don't know how I would feel in this situation. I call my best friends mom's Mom, just like a lot of my friends and even my husband call my mom Mom. I also call my bff's dad Dad. I dunno, they are more than just people to me, and these have been my bff's for more than 10 years. But, I call my ILs by their first name. My FIL's Fi always calls FIL my dad when she is talking to me about him ("oh, and your dad told me something really funny" etc) and I just laugh if she catches herself, cuz yeah he basically is my second dad.
Ok, I feel like I'm rambling...
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Beekeeper
This has nothing to do with me but it’s something that’s irked me for a while so I wanted to get the opinion of the hive. This could easily be explained in like 2 sentences but I feel like you need to know the full story to see where I’m coming from. Get some popcorn, this will be long…
I know this girl, let’s call her Anne. Anne and I were best friends since elementary school. We did everything together. She even used to spend Christmas with my family since her mom always had to work. Anyways, after high school she changed and we’re no more than casual acquaintances now.
Anne had another friend who we’ll call Jane. Jane started seeing this guy the year we graduated. Anne never really had guys interested in her growing up so when Jane’s new boyfriend took a liking to her, she pretty much ran with it. While Jane and the boyfriend were dating, he and Anne had a “thing” going on. Jane and the boyfriend (we’ll call him Mike) ended up getting married and Anne was her MOH (don’t even get me started on that mess). On their wedding night, Mike slept with Anne instead of Jane (totally f’ed up story). A few weeks pass and Mike decides that he needs to get an annulment so that he and Anne can be open about their relationship. During those few weeks Jane finds out she’s pregnant. The pregnancy doesn’t change anything for him so he proceeds to explain to Jane what had been going on with Anne and she agrees to get the marriage annulled. Anne and Mike end up dating for a few years and eventually get married.
Fast forward to now… Anne and Mike are married and recently had a baby. Mikes son (with Jane) lives with them part time. Anne is constantly posting things on her FB about the “cute” things her step-son says but she always refers to herself as “Mommy” in the posts. For example (direct quote from like a week ago)… “So Jake (name has been changed) just tells me he doesn't believe in the Easter Bunny anymore! I tell him he’s real and then he says..."mommy, you tell me it’s not good to lie so you have to tell me the truth". This is one of dozens of posts she’s made referring to herself as “Mommy” when speaking about him. She’s FB friends with Jane so Jane sees what Anne posts.
Basically my question to all of the mothers out there (or even those without kiddos yet) is… would you ever be okay with your son or daughter calling someone else “mommy”? I don’t have any children but I’m sure that when I do, I would be crushed if my kid referred to someone else as “mommy”. I feel like in this situation, it’s even worse considering the history this group has. Even as an adult, I could never call someone else “Mom” since I have a mom who earned that title.
Thoughts?