Post # 1
So my Dad is pretty sick. He has had some health issues that has led to severe shortness of breath and fatigue. He can’t walk to the bathroom, down a flight of stairs, etc without being compeltly winded and exhausted. He is 65 years old and is *&%@) that he has to use a walker in addition to other people taking care of him. My Dad is the strongest person I know with a strong sense of pride and does anything and everything to put his family on a pedestal. So this health issue has been severly emotional for us all-especially due to seeing how frustrated he is by not getting better.
So anywhos–my parents sat me down last night and asked me how I would feel if my Daddy is unable to walk me down the aisle. They wanted me to think about what is important to me. Of course I want my father to walk me down the aisle. That is how I have always imagined it. That is his right and responsbility and I could never imagine giving that honor to anyone else. The church is EXTREMELY large with a EXTREMELY long aisle. I asked if he could meet me halfway or something and he looked up at me, tried to catch his breath and said “I don’t know”. I told him that I can not be selfish and have him walk me down for it to ruin the rest of the ceremony and evening to where he is unable to focus or even breathe. Due to his large sense of pride, his walker or a wheelchair is not what he wants to be seen in by his family and friends. He told me “I do not want anything, including me, distracting the attention away from you on your day. We will get you properly escorted.” Wow–how do you respond to that?
Bees–I am looking for some insight. I have thought about asking my half-brother walk me down (not close to him at all but hes the closest blood to my dad that will be attending); thought about walking myself down the aisle (worst things have happened), seeing if he will meet me halfway, etc. How important is it to be “properly escorted”? (I guess I don’t even really know what that means–what do y’all think?) He will be giving me away regardless but how important is that walk? How should I feel about someone else taking my father’s place? How do you make that decision and how do you choose another person if that is the route you take?
Thanks for listening bees.
Post # 2
ApocalypseCow: Maybe he could meet you just in front of the altar and do the traditional handing over at that point?
Honestly, I really don’t mind if my dad can’t give me away. I love him very much, but that particular tradition just isn’t that important to me. It is important to you though and, in this situation, that is what matters. Talk to your parents again and see if he would be comfortable doing it that way.
If you want someone to walk with you down the aisle then maybe you could ask your mother to do that part – she did help raise you after all. Once you get to the first row of pews your father could step out and take you to the altar.
Post # 3
First of all, my heart goes out to you. I know this is extremely difficult to try to sort out. My father recently passed away and I’mtrying to figure out what to do myself.
In your situation, I think I would not be so concerned with being “properly escorted.” Rather, I would focus on the how this part of your ceremony celebrates the relationship with your father. What about your mother walking your down the aisle and having your father waiting up front. You could still have a moment between the two of you that symbolizes your relationship, and he could speak on behalf of your mother and himself giving you away. Not walking you down the aisle sounds like it would give him the chance to save his breath for speaking that short sentence. He can still “present” you to your husband and give his blessing that way. Having your mother walk you down the aisle would allow someone that you’re closer to to do the honors. Don’t get hung up in having to have a male do it. Your wedding ceremony is a reflection of your life not list of proper dos and don’ts. It could also symbolize that your parents are a unit that have worked together to get you to this point in your life.
Whatever you decide, I’m sure it will be special and wonderful. Good luck!
Post # 4
ApocalypseCow: I am so sorry you are going through this and your dad is in such poor health. I can’t imagine the emotions you are feeling.
I think that if you are not close with your half-brother, how about having your mom walk you down the asile?
Then have your dad standing with your fiance, once you and your mom get to them you can take your dad’s arm and have a moment with him before offically being “given away”?
Post # 5
My dad has CLPD and therefore he cant walk long distances without being winded etc. He is able to walk me down the aisle though so I can only relate to you in that I understand how hard it is for your dad. I feel “traditional” wedding practices are out the door these days and pretty much anything can go so I wouldnt feel worried about having a “proper escort”. If I were you I would suggest that you walk down all alone (which is really cool because seriosuly you will look stunning and everyone will focus on you! you can walk how fast/slow and however you want) then maybe your dad can be standing at the first pew nearest to the altar to give you a kiss and hand you off to your new husband. I wouldnt want to choose anyone else to walk me down but my dad but its ultimately up to you. There are a lot of brides on here who walked down the aisle by themselves and they dont regret it at all. All the best!
Post # 6
Could you walk down with your fiance? Have your dad walk you into the church and then hand you over to your fiance at the beginning of the aisle, then you and your fiance walk down together? I think that would be really lovely.
Post # 7
I always considered it a archaic/sexist tradition – and I was married 37 years ago. For both my daughters, we shared. For the 1st one, the aisle was wide enough for the 3 of us to walk down. For the 2nd one it wasn’t, so I walked her down to the front and he took over (FOB has an incurable muscle wasting disease and now uses a cane and leg braces). If we parents had not been around, I’m sure my daughters would have walked with each other (they were each other’s honor attendants), or walked-in with their groom , like they do in some parts of the world, or by themselves. You don’t need a male relative, to take the walk with you. I’m sure your mother would be honored to do it.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2013 - A Beautiful converted Barn
ApocalypseCow: if your dad cant walk you down the aisle – and thats who you would want to do it… i wouldnt find anyone else to ‘take his place’. walk on your own and meet him at the top of the aisle so he can give you away. maybe have something of his with you when you walk to that symbolically he comes up the aisle with you. x
Post # 9
I wouldn’t “replace” your dad with your half brother who you aren’t close to. Being your escort down the aisle should be saved as an honor for someone. If your dad can’t, I would really think about walking by yourself, and then have your dad meet you at the front to give your hand to your husband. I will say, the most touching moment of having my dad walk me down the aisle didn’t happen in the back of the church, but in the front where my dad was in tears telling my DH to take care of me. My dad doesn’t cry, and was trying very hard to hold back tears, which got DH and I trying to hold back tears.
Post # 10
ApocalypseCow: I don’t suppose he’s seeing a counselor or anyone to help him adjust to this new life he has? I hope he is and that he’ll come around. When you talked about it were you calm cool and collected? And you let him know how important it was to you? I agree with PPs that maybe he could meet you at the altar, that was my first thought. If he is absolutely against a wheelchair I’d have my mom walk me down the aisle and meet him there. My dad is in a wheelchair and he walked me down the aisle at my first wedding. Unfortunately it sounds like this is all new for your dad and he’s having a hard time dealing with it. And like you said, he’s always been strong and he’s proud, he doesn’t want to be seen as week “on stage”. You might consider what he is going through, too, and let it go so he isn’t made to feel uncomfortable. Good luck to you.
Post # 11
This broke my heart. I’m so sorry. It’s obvious your dad’s number 1 concern is ensuring you get down the aisle safely, with an arm to lean on and someone to talk to beforehand if you’re nervous; “properly escorted” could possibly just be his way of saying that.
Could your mom or half-brother walk you down the whole way, then hand you to your father at the end of the aisle to give you away? Your dad may be concerned that his lack of stamina to go down the long aisle–and possibly having to stop and rest–will distract from you. Also you may be right that he would be too winded to enjoy the ceremony. To answer your question, I don’t think it’s the physical walk itself that matters so much as the ceremonial “giving away.” It’s a really special moment for a dad and daughter to share.
Whatever you decide to do, it will be beautiful. You could even walk by yourself and meet your dad at the bottom, and then you wouldn’t have to choose anybody else. I’ve seen so many variations that are all so special and meaningful (mom and dad both escorting the bride; bride having multiple escorts stationed down the aisle; bride meeting someone at the end).
Post # 12
First off, I’m so sorry…this breaks my heart for you.
What about your mom? It doesn’t have to be a man….
Post # 13
ApocalypseCow: First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I agree with sara_tiara, how about your mom? My mom is walking me down the aisle (my father is deceased). She could escort you and he could meet you where he’s comfortable? That sounds like a lovely compromise.
Post # 14
ApocalypseCow: I am literally in the EXACT same position as you. Except my dad will be 78 when we are married. He is unable to walk very long distances. Walks with a walker, or uses a scooter to get around. He falls quite often. I’ve definitely been thinking about this as well because it seems he just keeps getting worse and worse as time goes on. I had considered either walking up the aisle by myself, and having my dad sit in one of the front rows and then get up to “give me away”. OR, having my older brother walk me down the aisle until we meet my dad in the front row and have my dad actually give me away. My dad is also VERY stubborn. Which is why it even took as long as it did for him to give in to a walker or scooter (previously he was just falling all over the place ).
But ya, that’s what I plan on doing at ours. I know what you’re going thru and it does suck. I’m sorry. It probably breaks your dads heart that he’s in this situation and doesn’t want to put you in any weird predicements. I think having him meet you at the front so he can still properly give you away is a good idea!
Post # 15
I am not sure how to hyperlink the handles on the message so y’all get notified (anyone help a Bee out?), sorry.
Thank you all for your kinds words, thoughts, and prayers. It would please my mother to no end for her to escort me down the aisle and anger me till my dying day. I have a good relationship with my mother but shes melodramatic and severly unstable and I can’t be dealing with her emotions. She will be happy sitting next to her dying husband grasping onto a hankercheif making loud sniffing noises for all to hear.
After reading y’alls responses and thoughts, I think I will walk down the aisle myself. For my dad to stand up next to me and give me away is the most important thing. I don’t want to utilize all of his energy when he’ll be drained enough as it is. He does have a follow up appointment with his pulmonologist next week so we’ll see if improvement happens but I think its safe to plan on him meeting me up front. I will ask my brother to be on deck in case I freeze up in the back and need someone to hang onto.
I am sorry to hear of other’s misfortunate circumstances and my heart and prayers go out to y’all but I am glad that we are here to support each other. Thanks again—Bee Merry!