How would you feel? What would you say/do?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Sounds like a pair of friends that are growing apart.  It happens unfortunately.  I would cherish what you had and reevaluate what kind of relationship can be maintained at this point.  Getting married and “growing up” does change friendships.  You don’t have to disown her, but it may be time to recognize that you can’t be besties anymore.  

Post # 4
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Daizy914:  Unfortunately sometimes some friends are for seasons, besties or not. She has definitely distanced herself so I would say go with the flow and see where the friendship goes, without forcing anything.

Post # 5
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sounds like you guys are just growing apart and she’s having trouble with relating to you now that you’re getting married. It happens to the best friendships (like between me and my matron of honor). It’s a bitter thing to go through but when all is said and done, and you’ve tried your hardest, continuing the friendship will be up to her.

Post # 7
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Daizy914:  I would call her and meet up for coffee and have a totally honest conversation with her. See where that goes and if there is any change of behaviour, of not, it’s time to part ways.

Post # 8
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had some friends that got distant once I was engaged.  I called them on it and they don’t talk to me anymore.  

 

Sometimes these things inks have a way of showing you who your real friends are.

Post # 10
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This best friend aside, why aren’t these other girls calling you to hang out the times you were left out? If you introduced her to them, why are they not saying wait a min let’s invite daizy?! are they all single except you? 

im sorry you are going through this loosing friends, esp those you thought were good friends is so hard and painful. Chances are you are just in totally different places in your lives, and some people can handle that (you) and other people can’t (her)

Post # 12
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Daizy914:  I’m not sure what advice I can offer, except to say I was in a very similar situation and I’m not even married yet.

One of my so-called best friends started to distance herself when I got engaged last October.  It became a very one sided friendship where I was the one calling her all the time and was excluded from outings.

I had to let it go and realize that this group of friends was in a very different place in their lives as me, as I’m 25 and one of the first to get engaged, while some of my friends don’t have boyfriends.  I too was told the same thing, that they thought I didn’t want to hang around with the girls once I got engaged.

After several months of not speaking with any of them I got a call from one of the girls in the group (not the one I was closest to) asking why they hadn’t heard from me, and I told them the truth.  Her response to me was that it was hard for them to be around me because it was a painful reminder of what they did not have.  Excuse? Maybe.

I still haven’t heard from the one girl.  I’ve had to move on and while it’s hard, sometimes friends outgrow each other.

Post # 14
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

Daizy914:  When my friend got married, she told me not to leave her out.  I did not initiate many calls with her because she was just married and I did not want to interrupt her time with her husband (esp since they were just settling down). I liked spending time with her & I liked her husband too. I wasn’t purposely leaving her out, but it was easy for me to think that calling her would be interrupting her life.When she told me I should call more often I tried to do that because she appreciated it enough to tell me that’s what she wanted.

 

Unfortunately,  your situation sounds more complicated because it involves a group of friends.  Honestly,  I sometimes find myself subconsciously avoiding married couples, but not if they are already in my friend group.  It only becomes annoying when they talk about married issues too much.

Post # 15
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve learned to just let it go and cut ties, but not before telling said people that just because I’m married, doesn’t mean I just want to sit home and do nothing.

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