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Why not let your local girls throw you a local party? I ended up having several bachelorettes - because everybody wanted in on the action, but not everybody could travel, or could even afford the same type of party. You're right - both parties in a single day are a lot - but if you get past the idea that everyone has to be there, it doesn't matter if they are different days. And if you can travel a bit, you can go visit your friend and have another bachelorette there - there's nothing wrong with having more than one night on the town with friends. If some friends want to travel and attend both, that's fine too.
since you dont mind there not being additional guest, why not just go up to visit your single friends? there's no reason you have to all get together. there's no reason to mention that you are planning to go for partying if that would cause trouble with the SIL.
last month, i went to the beach with a friend and my MOH. i didnt tell/invite the other bms. it was the perfect beach slumber party that i always wanted. awesomeness. i'm glad i got to experience something that if we had to consider the whole group, would not have happened.
I would say have two parties! Let your SIL throw you what she's planning, it sounds as if she's excited to be a part of this and that's something you don't want to make awkward.
Do you have to label your weekend getaway a "bachelorette party"?
Either way I say do both!
I would take the vacation you want to take and then let your bridesmaids throw you an actual party. If you want to go see your friend, go for it. Doing it alone will give you more time to visit and relax.
I meant to add that if I was a BM for somebody, I wouldn't want to go visit a person I didn't know and call it a party. If Im going to take off a couple of days, etc. it's going to be to go somewhere that I know i'm going to have fun.
right, but everyone in my wedding party does not know each other. (and they can't go anywhere, they want to stay with me and go out where i live, which will not be fun)
myself and my other friend (my BM) agree that we want to see our friend (the 3rd BM) and call that my bacherolette. (the other 2 BM are included, but it's okay if they can't go)
i just don't want to go out where i live & have the shower in the same day. i want people to enjoy the shower
if thats all the sister and SIL want to do, then do it. It seems like you are arguing that you want to go visit your friends and thats it. I am not sure what the big deal is in doing both I guess? I imagine the sisters want to do SOMETHING for you....and it doesn't seem right to say well if you don't want to come here thats fine, but I don't want to do something else with you on top of that. I know it sounds like a long day having them both in the same day, but if they have a kid and the other is in school, they might want to make it an early night too. It can just be a girls night out - not necessarily THE bachelorette party.
Bridesmaid_Dress.GIF (9.1 KB, 80 downloads) 2 years old 
Why don't you just tell SIL that you'd just like to have a shower locally and you'd love if she hosted that for you.
Call the weekend with your girlfriends (other two BM's) just a girls weekend. Maybe to you it's your bach party - but if you don't call it that to the SIL she won't feel like she's being left out of something.
Even mom's sometimes want to go out and let loose with the girls - maybe she was looking forward to doing this but could really only feasible do it if it was local - which is why she's stressing to have the bach party local?
Just talk to her more - find out where she's really coming from. Let her know you're not too excited about a night on the town locally (stress here that it's the town you're not excited about - so she doesn't take it personally against her) - but are super excited about a shower with family and friends.
i am excited about the shower and everyone getting together (family, friends, etc) but i guess i wanted the day to be about the shower so i could spend time with everyone (i have alot of out of town people coming)
SIL is trying to cram everything in one day but i'd rather hang out with everyone (everyone can't go to bars, underage, too old, etc) i don't need a night of going out and bar hopping afterwards. honestly, i go out every other weekend here (with girls, FH, etc) and i just want to get away from the wedding for a weekend.
i could understand if i really wanted a bachelorette party and this was the only way, but i don't and it's not.
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okay, my wedding party is small and we are all at different points in our lives. my matron of honor is my SIL and she has a child (2 years) my other bridesmaid is FHS and she is a junior in college. my two best friends make up the rest of the party. they are my age and unattached.
the thing is, i want to go see my friend who i haven't seen in a year and a half. i wanted her and my other friend to go up to her city and see her house and go out, etc, pretty low key and it would be an escape for me so i can take a mini vacation. (and get away from the wedding stuff for a weekend)
my sil wants to have the bridal shower & bacherlette party all in one day so everyone can attend. i don't want a local bacherlette party, plus with her having a child and my other future sil in college, it will be hard to do both. also, i feel this is alot to do in one day.
it it wrong for me to want to go away and visit my friend for my bacherlette party? (i am not expecting everyone to attend, which is fine, i just want something low key and this is something i really want to do, my other bridesmaid agrees)