(Closed) how would you handle this…

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry!  That’s a tough situation!  Is she a member of the bridal party in your wedding?  I can definitely understand you feeling angry and hurt.  How long has she been together with her boyfriend?  If she has only been with him a short amount of time, I might feel a little upset too.  But you don’t want someone at your wedding who doesn’t want to be there!

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Personally, even if my husband was in a wedding on the same day as one of my really good friends, I’d go to my friends wedding! Couples CAN be separate for a few hours on the weekends. Shoot, he’d probably have just as much fun being dateless and obnoxious with his friends as he would be if I were there, particularly if I didn’t have friends there, either. I think your friend is being poopy =(

Post # 5
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Ya, I’d definitely be hurt and wonder why she is choosing not to come to yours…It might just honestly be circumstance, that same thing ALMOST happened to me.  One of my best friends and one of my then-BF’s best friends are now a week apart but were originally scheduled for the same day! Since FI is a groomsman in the wedding, he felt really strongly that I needed to go to his friend’s wedding because he felt it would be wierd not having a date, especially given that I am friends with the couple too….Thank god one of them switched their date! So it could be something like that but either way it definitely sucks…I’m sorry, have you talked to her about how hurt you are that she’s not coming? Maybe she thinks it’s not an issue for you….

Post # 6
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

if she’s you’re really good friend, then i would talk to her. i can’t believe that she feels she needs to be tagging along with her boyfriend and miss all your events. personally, i would split with my fiance if he had a commitment when my really good friends were getting married (for the day, obviously). if you calmly and tactfully tell her how much it would mean to you for her to be at some of these events, i bet she would reconsider.

it’s not selfish to want important people to you to be at probably the most important event of your life:)

Post # 7
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

i would be hurt but I guess I would try to understand. If it was my good friend’s wedding I would tell my hubby to go hangout with his friends and I’ll hangout with mine, especially if I dont know anyone at the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I understand you’re upset and disappointed that she can’t make it to your wedding, I would be too. However, she may also be very close to her bf’s friend and if he’s a gm then of course he has to go to that one. She may not want to come alone. If she has other commitments on the dates of your other events unfortunately she can only be in one place at one time. Has she talked to you about it?

Post # 9
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think yo’ure being selfish, although I don’t know how close your friend is with the couple getting married that her boyfriend is in their wedding…

 Also, it seems a little strange to me that she has things not only on your wedding day but both parties as well?  Maybe if you just chat with her and see what’s up?

Post # 12
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry about your friend. But if its upsetting you this much, I think it would be good for you to talk to her and hear her reasons out. Maybe she feels like she doesn’t get to see her BF as much since he’s from out of town? I don’t think getting upset with her will be wise, as she is not AS close as your bridal party friends. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

That’s pretty low of your friend. the least she could do is talk to you about it. I can’t believe she won’t even be at either party, that’s just rude. Are both weddings at the same time? I mean if one is earlier in the day, it shouldn’t be an issue to at least show her face in support of your wedding. (of course that would depend on how close we are talking about with out of town). Either way, don’t let it ruin your day. Just have fun with the people who are present and don’t give her the satisfaction of being upset on your day!

Post # 14
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

There’s no WAY I’d miss one of my good friend’s weddings! If my FI was in a wedding the same weekend, I’d tell him "Sorry, babe, but we’re each going solo this weekend!"

Post # 15
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I’d be kind of upset if I were you.  If it were me, I would go to my friend’s wedding, even if it was my husband in the other wedding.  To me, it’s a no-brainer–being apart from my husband for a few hours wouldn’t overshadow my friend’s big day. 

Have you talked to your friend about how you feel?  I wonder if she’s focused in on her boyfriend and maybe doesn’t realize that she’s hurting your feelings?  Not that it’s an excuse, but she might change her mind if she realizes how you feel.

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