How would you handle this?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
  • poll: How would you deal with his potentially disastrous career decision?
    Put your foot down : (47 votes)
    72 %
    Have faith in him : (10 votes)
    15 %
    Leave : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Other (please explain) : (6 votes)
    9 %
  • Member
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee

    imo tell him that ur opinion counts, its not just about him wat he does effects both of u so his choices should def include u as urs should include his

    Member
    3050 posts
    Sugar bee

    It’s hard to say without knowing the details. How sure are you that this new career move will be disastrous? Is he literally repeating the same mistake? And how does it affect you? Financially, otherwise, or both?

     

    Member
    4409 posts
    Honey bee

    @Aquababes:  FI is a mechanic now and is actually finally at a job where he makes good money, has stability and is getting to do what he loves. HOWEVER, there was a time when he was quite the dreamer. He went through this period of time where he just was trying to come up with get rich quick schemes that sounded good in theory but were very unlikely to really become a way to make a steady living. He actually up and quit the job he had and tried things out. It was a disaster. It not only wrecked him financially but it caused a huge problem for us, it was one of the reasons we separated. I couldn’t handle it and wanted better for my family. It took quite a while for him to recover from it and when we decided to get back together for good, I made sure he knew that all decisions that would affect both of us had to be made by both of us. He had his chance with me “having faith in him” and it was a mess. It is something im not willing to go through again. I think that given that his choices on his own (last time) affected you both so much, he needs to really include your opinion on this. Saying you don’t have faith in him, to me, is him playing the guilt card. Examine the options and make a realistic pro’s and cons list and list all the possible outcomes you can think of and what the odds are that his next move will be successful and try and plead your case that way. IMO he cannot make this kind of choice without your support and if he does, that would be something that for me might become a deal breaker.

    Member
    3237 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yeah, it’s a little hard to give an opinion on this type of post without details but I have faith in my husband. If it were to really put us in a terrible position I would let him know but I would trust in his decision because he usually always has a plan.

    Member
    1903 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would have faith in him but I’d also ask him to discuss the options with someone we trusted so that we could have an unbiased opinion on the issue.

    Member
    4393 posts
    Honey bee

    Without knowing the details,

     

    IMO, once you’re married, your career isn’t just ” your career” anymore. I’m not going to quit my job, pass on a promotion, relocate, etc without first discussing it with my husband. If he ( or I) decided to start a new business venture, and we had already had one fail, it would be a serious, serious issue to me where I would have to put my foot down if I felt red flags were going up. 

    Member
    3237 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Aquababes:  I wouldn’t leave him, no matter what. I don’t believe in divorce, I think all situations can work out. But if he continually made mistakes then we would need to go to counseling or talk to someone who could help us figure things out.

    Member
    8046 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @Aquababes:  I had to deal with this shit with my ex. Luckily my SO is not a dreamer.. and he makes really good money (works hard for it). I ended up leaving my ex after being 5 years off/on because it was just too much. He was in debt, he lacked ambition… he really did want to get rich the quick way. Ugh.

    I have dreams… but I am not about to quit my job to pursue an idea. I don’t know the context, but basically if it is something like he wants to quit his job to start a business, you need to ensure he pursues it on the side first. That’s what I’m doing. It isn’t easy, but then again it’s not easy when you’re peniless either!

    Member
    1677 posts
    Bumble bee
    • mnp
    • 1 year ago

    I had “voted” other before I saw your updates. 

    I would have to put my foot down.  And, if he kept committing the same offense, I would consider leaving.  My mom had to deal with my dad’s repeatedly bad financial/career choices.  It left the both of them with bad credit/bankruptcy because my dad made bad business decisions.  In the end, my parent’s relationship ended in a divorce. 

    Member
    2515 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Aquababes:  I think part of living under the same roof means that decisions that affect both of you (which is usually 99% of them) should be agreed upon by both parties. You can’t just think about yourself anymore. It’s a team effort.

    Put your foot down. 

     

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