Weddingbee boards

Im asking about something that my cousin asked me about yesterday and I was curious how you all feel about it.....

My cousin has a daughter who is in the 2nd grade. they have a morning snack that is sent with them to school and is a snack chosen by the parents. Her teacher sent a note home saying that it should be a healthy snack since they do not encourage the kids eating junk food. My cousin was rushing the other morning and forgot about the snack the night before so quickly she just grabbed 2 cookies and put them in a baggie. the teacher took the cookies away and her daughter did not get a snack and the teacher sent a note home explaining that she doesnt approve of sugary snacks like cookies so my niece did not get a snack that day.

I was livid when I heard this. Not because I think cookies are an oh so great snack but if it was my kid and I let him\her take cookies thats my choice. Im the mom and I feel like that teacher (while i think her intentions are good) was over stepping her boundaries by a lot. Keep in mind this is not a rule the school has, just this particular teacher (the school lunches even sometimes include sugar cookies or something as a small dessert). My cousin was so upset with how this was handled and I was wondering how you all would handle this? would you be upset too?

@Ms.VW: she was!!! she said her daughter said that she starting crying because she thought she did something wrong and that she was getting punished by having her snack time taken away. She got to still sit with the other kids but had no snack. The teacher actually sent the cookies home with her with the note attached to the bag.

I've been a kindergarten teacher many times and this is standard practice, but I think that the big issue wouldn't have happened if there had been proper communication.  (Explanation about the snack policy on first day of school, and a more subtle reaction to this first day of no-healthy snack).

I, personally, would have let the child have the cookie because it is the 'healthiest thing you have today'.  But I would also follow-up with a note reminding about the policy and examples of acceptable foods that most kids tend to bring.  I know that it does upset some parents, so I try to be really kind and casual in my note about it, but the food does need to be healthy. 

Kids today have a lower life expectancy than their parents, and it is primary because of poor nutrition and lack of exercise.  The schools have been asked to help out with this issue.  It is standard practice at all schools I have taught at that we eat healthy foods at first snack.  

The monitoring of this practice usually begins to wane as the children get older, where it is most enforced in kindergarten.  

My 2 cents.

As a parent, I would handle it by writing a note back explaining that I had slipped up with the cookie, but was also disappointed with the way that it was handled, and that my daughter should not have been punished for my mistake. 

I would like to mention that cookies are not a normal snack and the "healthy snack" rules are followed 99% of the time. this was one of those mornings where all hell broke loose so my cousin grabbed what she could. I am guilty of this too (hello little boxes of raisins and peanut butter cracker thingies that were out on the counter). Some days I am just off and it happens. I would hate for my son to be put on the spot like that. I am in no way saying that cookies are a good snack, or that the rules of a classroom shouldnt be respected but im sorry i dont feel like its anyone's busines to tell me whats ok for my child to eat as a snack. you do not have to agree with me but you also do not have the right to take food from my kid and let them go without a snack. If i were a teacher i would keep a few healthy options (extras) in my desk or whatever in case this happened, rather then let the kid go without a snack or embarrassing them that way. And really if i read a note that said "a healthy snack should be provided by you for your child to have during morning snack time" (exact wording of the note from the teacher) there were no other specifics or guidelines. Regardless though, I feel like this was just handled in a really harsh way.

@Lindsay12.31.2010: there is no list of forbidden foods. And as i mentioned, in the school lunches there is a dessert given too which is sometimes cookies or jello, or one of those little brownie type things.

@mrskesslertobe: this isnt about her thinking its ok to send cookies but its more about how the situation was handled. she isnt lobbying to get cookies on the approved food list (if there was one) but this teacher humiliated her daughter and let her go without a snack and sent home a snarky letter to top it off. not a gentle reminder or anything respectful. A healthy snack of course is something that my cousin agrees with but this was a bit over the top as far as how it was handled.

I would be pissed. First, you don't make a 2nd grader feel like crap because of something that she had no control over. That should be obvious to a 2nd grade teacher.

Second, nobody tells me what I can and can't feed my kids ultimately. I understand that the teacher has rules, but if they're followed 99% of the time by this student/parent, and there was this one mishap, most people can deduce that it is probably because they forgot or ran out of healthy snacks, or were in a huge hurry for some reason. Two cookies aren't going to kill anyone, or make a kid that eats carrot sticks everyday think it's ok to eat cookies instead now. Also, it's not like the teacher figured out the nutritional content of each child's food. If she did, she might be surprised that some of the other children's "healthy" snacks (like granola) probably compares similarly to the cookies.

@bells: again i have to mention that this is not about thinking its good to give a child cookeis as a snack or anything sugary for that matter but that choice should be left up to the parent.

As a sidenote, my sons school does the no cupcake thing for parties and whatnot and they also have a healthy snack suggestion in place. I could see if it happened everyday but this was once and not a habit and i think at that point just a gentle reminder would have been sufficient and then monitor the situation to see if the parent changes the snack or keeps sending not so healthy snacks.

thank you for all your opinions on the matter, I am relaying them to my cousin and she is deciding on how to proceed.

It's a tough call because schools are now so responsible for students' health and nutrition. At the last school I worked at I'd say a maximum of 15% of the parents were involved in their children's lives. The school had to do all the calls to the doctor, discipline for fights etc. that occured out of school (literally, parents would call in and tell the principal their child got in a fight and could you talk to them?), morning meds etc. A parent who even knew what their child ate in a day would be a welcomed rarity. I understand the PP's saying this teacher overstepped her boundaries, but lately teachers have been expected to basically act as parents to their students and sometimes also to the parents themselves. They're forced to be overly responsible for some students. But this depends on the school.

The teacher may have felt as though she needed to take the snack away to keep the other kids from saying "hey, how come she can have cookies but we have to bring carrot sticks?"If she's been teaching for a long time she may have seen it happen where one kid brings in something unhealthy and then kids go home and complain to their parents and she starts getting angry phone calls etc. It's also hard to know how much pressure is put on the administration about these things. I've worked at a school where the principal was a tyrant, the teachers were literally walking on egg shells all day. And the students were the ones who suffered.

I probably wouldn't have been happy if this were my kid because it made her feel like she did something wrong when she didn't. In all honesty tho, she's probably better off waiting until lunch than she is having cookies in the morning. I would have just apologized to my daughter and called the teacher to tell her I didn't like how she handled it. The proper way to handle it would be to remind the parents politely if they had a habit of always sending in junk food for snacks.

@Moja Milosc: ok whoa....thats quite a bad situation if the school is making doctor's appointments and handling discipline for things outside of school. I would imagine this is not the norm. At least not where I come from. I think during school hours the school is responsible for the well being of the child but i know for fact that at my son's school the parents are still the parents and the teacher is still the teacher. And as far as saying the child was better off waiting til lunch with no cookies than giving her cookies, that may be how you think of it, which is fine but for me and for my cousin (i asked this) this is not the case. I would have much preferred, if it were my son, for him to have had the cookies than to go with no snack.

As a general statement, in giving this more thought I realized that I was sort of afraid to say this for fear of looking like a "bad mom" but im gonna go ahead and say it. If i choose to send my kid with cookies everyday thats my right, if i choose to let them eat what they want, thats also my right and no one should be allowed to make that decision except for me and my child. i can see the school "encouraging" a healthy diet and healthy snacks and if they see fit to put an actual rule in place and give an approved list of foods for the kids to bring for snacks. Or better yet, if you want certain snacks and to have control over what they eat, then they can supply it, especially if it is a teacher specific rule. Im so sick of schools taking on my role as the parent. to an extent i can see where the role of teacher and parent can over lap but this is not one of those things for me. For the record my son's eating habits are very healthy over all. But if i feel like letting my kid have "junk food" im gonna do it and no one is gonna tell me otherwise.

also, this idea of the other kids feeling badly about one kid having  cookies and another kid having carrots is kind of a pile of crap to me. what happened to parents sending a lunch and whatever the parent sent is what the kid got?! I just dont get it. my mom sent me to school with your typical lunch, a sandwich an apple or small bag of crackers or something and a juice box. i had a friend though that had parents who sent her with carrot sticks and a half of a banana and an apple. she used to sit and whine about hwo good our lunches looked and how boring hers was. but guess what? the teacher was not involved. and guess what else? we all grew up to be just fine and it didnt scar us for life or create bad habits. I even had oreos on some days if my mom was feeling nicer than usual. And both my teachers and the other kids all survived somehow. I just think its gotten so out of control with how much control has been taken away from parents and how many rules have been put out there, good intentions or not its completely out of control if you ask me.

aside from the attempt to get kids to eat healthy i think the concern abotu the kids feeling like one kid got something better than them is just dumb. it creates this sense of entitlement from a young age and this idea that everything will always be fair and equal and guess what kiddo? thats not howlife works. there will be a guy who has a better suit than you or a girl with more expensive shoes and as an adult there will always be someone with a bigger house, nicer car or whatever. learn this lesson early and appreciate what you do get from your parents and dont concern yourself with what others have or dont have. ok im done with my novels now lol sorry!

As a teacher, I can say that your niece's teacher's actions were WAY out of line.  While she can recommend that her students eat healthy, she has no right to be taking your niece's snack away.  As others have already said, she should have allowed your niece to eat the cookies, but sent home a note reminding your sister about the policies in the classroom.  If your niece was my daughter, I would be livid, and following up with a phone call to the principal. 

As a sidenote, it's now a law in the province where I live that schools are not allowed to sell/provide junk food. 

@stardustintheeyes: I see where you're coming from, maybe I wasn't clear enough in saying that I don't think teachers should be so involved in these things. I'm only saying in a lot of schools the parents wash their hands of all responsibility as soon as their child walks through the door. It's a shame but it's true. Your cousin is not one of those parents, she's responsible for her kids, which is why this bothered her. At the school I worked at the policies did offend a lot of parents, but they were in place to accomodate the kids whose parents didn't do anything for their kids. I'm just saying I don't know enough about the teacher's motivation or school policies to say I would be livid. I think there's a little grey area here, sorry if that offends anybody.