Post # 1
Ok My sister and I are 8 years apart. Im 27 and she’s 19. By the time my wedding rolls around she will be 21. We are pretty opposite in our idea of a good time. I think it has a lot to do with our age difference. And that we are just very very different from each other.
My wedding is scheduled for September 20th, 2013. So we are still a loooonnnggg way out. From the first day my sister (and one other bm, bm A)) have only been able to talk about how excited they are for the bachelorette party. When they think of it they think the usual strippers, lots of booze, etc. The problem is, I do NOT want male strippers at my party. I should not even be addressing this so early on but its all they talk about if anything wedding related comes up. I say “no I dont want that kind of bach. party” and they say some version of “yea…ok…sure….except you arent planning it, we are!!”. I feel like this is a preview of what its going to be like to plan my wedding with these girls (my sister and bm A). They don’t seem to care about what im saying and I im scared this will be the case with a lot of things.
Keep in mind I have not asked anyone officially but since its my sister and my childhood best friend of 20 years, those two are basically a given. I basically cant leave them out of the bridal party without there being some really hurt feelings so thats not an option.
My sister is the worst one. She has already been sending me links to dresses she likes for herself and is insisting on a long dress even though when asked what im thinking for the bm dresses the first thing I say is most likely short dresses. I joke with her and remind her this isnt her wedding, its mine and that in the end I have veto power on basically anything in regards to the dresses, the bach party, you name it. Im just laughed off. My mom has sat me down and let me know she sees already the red flags with my sister and that I shouldnt worry about it because she will make sure my sister does not overstep any boundaries.
how would you approach someone like this? keep in mind she’s my sister and we are very close. Also, I just wanted to add that the stress has already started with this wedding and its not even in any major stage of planning yet. I knew it would happen but I did not expect it so soon.
Post # 3
@stardustintheeyes: You just keep repeating what you want: short dresses and no strippers. Repeat ad nasueam until it sinks in. Let them know they either respect your wishes or you get another BM to plan your Bachelorette party. In regards to the dress, remind your sister you love her but when her time comes she can have her BP wear what she wants. This is your time and you prefer short dresses.
Post # 4
That or sit down your MOH whomever that is and explicity say what you do not want (be somewhat reasonable) Like OK no strippers is reasonable, no club hopping- OK cool but allow them some leeway with some aspects so they’re not completely restricted. Be kind, and firm saying you’re glad they’ll be planning but you need her to know if the rules such as strippers is violated you’ll have no choice but to leave. Reiterate that its your stagette and your version if fun is a little more laid back and when its her turn you’ll be sure to throw her the party *she* wants.
Post # 5
Do you and FI even want a wedding party? We nixed having one and it was AWESOME.
But, if you do want one – use it as a way to refine your communication skills. When they express their opinion that’s clearly contrary to what you want – stop.listen.and respond. Something like: I hear you are saying you want “X” type of dress/ to throw me “Y” type of party, but what I actually want is this:……
Something I’ve learned is that it’s only communication when the other person hears what you are trying to communicate! You may think you have been telling them what you want – but they are not hearing it!
Post # 6
i have a sort of similar situation my sis in law is very party, party! lol and she loves getting strippers for any occasion birthday parties, etc. She also wants to throw me a party and get strippers which i really dont want. BUT i did tell her as soon as i was engaged no strippers! so far so good i dont even think their planning anything which is good in a way because my family can party lol
Post # 7
It sounds like she is just young and doesn’t really know how to be a great bridesmaid. At that age, I am not sure I would have either. I think when the time comes if you are calm and rational, it will all be ok. Go dress shopping and try on a ton of dresses, show her what you want. When it comes time to plan the bachelorette party just tell hwer how that is not something you want at all and would be upset. Atleast she is excited for your big day ad wants to be a part of the planning.
Maybe you could give her a How to be A Bridesmaid type book and a cute card to formally ask her:)
Post # 8
Thanks for the input ladies. Just to clarify, my sister is my moh. So technically it would be her that would plan. But since she’s so young my mom and bm a will be helping. I have already said I will walk out if the few things I have said no to are included.
Also I should add that I will be having a bridal party. It’s something both my FI and I want. In regards to things like dressed..i already decided on black bm dresses. I knew this even before I was officially engaged lol. I thought I would have a dress shopping trip and narrow it down to a few different dresses and then let them choose which one works best for them. It’s still pretty early in the planning process but the idea is that I would not be really strict about dresses since I want them to all feel good in what they wear. I had two things I know though that I did not want, satin and long. Of course my sister is choosing to be pushy and want the only two things I asked not to have. I basically have gotten resistance from her on everything we talk about. I’m firm but not mean. She just doesn’t seem to be responding to it. Hopefully things get better once we actually get into things more and my mom is more involved