How would you handle this? (invitation related)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do?
    Ignore her request and hope she doesn't ask again : (7 votes)
    6 %
    Tell her No in a polite manner : (89 votes)
    72 %
    Tell her she can bring them but she has to pay the money : (24 votes)
    19 %
    Any other suggestions? : (4 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee

    Text her and say we cannot afford to have them in our budget. That’s it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1721 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @chipsnsalsa:  IMO, if you decide to invite them…then you should be willing to pay for them.  I know she offered to pay…but it just seems rude to take the money from her for them to attend your wedding.  However; you have every right to tell her that no, unfortunately your guest list was decided a while back and you aren’t looking to add to it right now…or another “nice” way of declining her request.  It is your wedding…I understand what shes saying…but your wedding is not the time to start “acting” like a blended family.  It will just be awkward for everyone.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4031 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @rickhurst35:  I agree with you.

    OP, I would send a polite text telling her that after discussing, you cannot accommodate her daughter and the boyfriend. I understand she wants them to be accepted, but your wedding is not the place for that and it is not your responsibility to see that that happens.

    Post # 6
    Member
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @chipsnsalsa:  If you really don’t want them there, I’d just say “our venue only has the capacity for X many people.”  I think her request is very odd, sorry that she put you into that position.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @hazyleyedbeauty:  .but your wedding is not the time to start “acting” like a blended family.  It will just be awkward for everyone.

    Agreed. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    Tell her you are sorry, but you can’t accommodate them. It’s rude of her to even ask.

    Post # 9
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @chipsnsalsa:  I’d say C. It’s the nice way of letting her decide and taking the pressure off you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    That’s a tough one! I voted for tell her, but that she has to pay. But I agree with the above statement that it may seem rude to take the money from here.

     

    I know you say there are issues with your uncles kids and her/her kids. If that could lead to any drama that may cloud your day– DONT DO IT!!! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee

    You will def have to contact her either way – just think how awkward it will be on your wedding day if you have to chat to her and you are both avoiding the elephant in the room!

    Post # 14
    Member
    4031 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @chipsnsalsa:  Don’t feel bad. Even though I’m sure she is a nice person, she did a rude thing. You don’t fish for an invite for other people to someone’s wedding and put them in such an awkward position. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    Just because she bought you a nice gift doesn’t mean she gets to ask to being people. Put your foot down.

    Post # 16
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’d just suggest that you call her and talk rather than text. It’ll be an awkward conversation, however calling seems not only more polite, but more personal (especially because the basis of her request is becoming closer with members of your family). You could say, “Our budget and guest list are at their max, so let’s plan to have dinner together with my uncle, his children, and your kids, once we’re back from the honeymoon.” At the worst, it’s one lame dinner, but at the best, you may end up liking her family quite a bit! 

     

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