Post # 1
If you found out your DH went to a bar and never told you? I’m not sure if I’m over reacting/over thinking this, so I’d like some outside opinions.
I just logged onto our bank account, so I could pay the mortgage. And I see a charge of about $25 from last week, from a local bar in town. I normally wouldn’t have thought twice about it, had I known he was at a bar. But he never said anything about it, which slightly irritates me. Normally if he were going somewhere after work with coworkers (maybe once or twice a month), he would say something like, “Hey, going to have a few beers with bob after work. Eat dinner without me”. I’m trying to think back when he would have time to go, and can’t come up with anything. There were a few nights where he was working late, and I cooked dinner/ate without him, but never any mention of going out to a bar or ever being at a bar.
Am I putting too much thought into this? Is it normal to do things without ever telling your spouse? I’m not concerned that anything is going on… I just find it a little irritating that he wouldn’t tell his wife he was ever at a bar, espcially since I always make sure to let him know if I’m working late/going somewhere after work.
Post # 3
If you trust him then I don’t think it’s something to worry about. Probably just went there with a friend and bought the drinks. I wouldn’t dwell on it.
Post # 4
I think you’re putting too much thought into it. I sometimes stop places after work without mentioning it to DH and if he did the same I wouldn’t think much of it.
Post # 5
@awoah82: I agree with PP I think you are putting too much thought into this. If you are still worried, just bring it up casually.
Post # 6
@awoah82: I have to agree with previous posters … You’re reading way too much into this. I don’t always tell my fiance every place I go (nor does he always tell me). It’s not a big deal. It’s not that I mean to not tell him (or vice versa) … But sometimes we get busy with other things and I don’t think to say, “Oh yeah, I went with X and Y for drinks after work on Friday.”
If he spent a significant amount (several hundred dollars, for example), that could be cause for concern just because any significant purchase from a shared account should be discussed. Since that’s not the case, I’d just let it go.
Post # 7
@awoah82: I guess Ill be the voice of dissent. SO and I tell each other everything.. And that includes what we did that day/where we went. And while there might be times where I stopped for coffee or gas and forgot to mention it, I can’t really imagine going to a bar and not saying anything. I can’t imagine him not saying anything either. We have trust in our relationship, but we also just usually know where the other is because we touch base throughout the day.
I don’t think you need to be too freaked out, but I think you can ask him about it! it may have slipped his mind, but it will make you feel better just to know the sitch. There’s no reason why you shouldnt be able to ask!
Post # 8
@awoah82: My SO and I live together and tell each other everything, so I get why you’re annoyed. I mean, you were waiting for him at home cause you thought he was at work instead of out at a bar having fun. That would bug me too.
That said, I don’t think it’s a huge deal. I’m not sure I’d even bring it up since it wasn’t a large amount.
Post # 9
I’d just ask him about the charge to make sure it’s legit. From his answer you can gauge whether this is any sort of deal or not…
Post # 10
I would ask about it. In our relationship it would very unusual for either of us not to mention going to a bar, so I’d want to know.
Post # 11
@awoah82: I think you should just bring it up and be honest with him. Tell him that you find it kinda weird that he never told you he went to a bar, since you’re used to him mentioning these things to you.
It could be totally innocent, like he had a super busy week at work, went to a bar w/ some friends on a whim and forgot to tell you afterwards because he had a lot on his mind.
No matter the reason he didn’t tell you he went to a bar, I would want peace of mind and I would just ask him.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t think it’s a big deal at all. I probably wouldn’t even ask about the charge.
If you’re bothered by it, bring it up. Maybe he did tell you and you forgot? Or he thought he told you but didn’t.
Post # 13
He probably just stopped in for lunch with a friend or something. I wouldn’t be concerned about it. But if you ARE, mention it for sure. Probably nothing.
Post # 14
While I definitely don’t think it’s a big ordeal, I would find it weird. When I’m stuck at work I’ll text “hey babe, stuck in a meeting, going to be late” and when someone says “hey, wanna grab a drink?” I’ll say “hey babe, gonna grab a drink with X, will be later”.
I wouldn’t just go and do whatever and show up a few hours later, I don’t think that’s very respectful. I usually get home at a certain time give or take 15 min depending on traffic, and even if traffic is really shitty I’ll send a text that I’m running late because of it.
I think I’d be a little perturbed to know DH stopped at a bar for a few hours while I was thinking he was at work, when all he had to do was say “hey, just gonna grab a drink with so and so”. I wouldn’t be upset by the drink at all, I’d just like to know why I’m eating alone, that’s all.
Post # 15
@awoah82: If it’s after work then he *always* tell me where he went (after all, I’ve been stuck home without him). If it’s lunch, he may not, because either way I’m not seeing him. It does sound a tiny bit suspicious, but not if it was lunch.
I’d just ask him. In our marriage we’re open about finances, so an innocent “What was this payment for?” is actually not uncommon.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t think it was a big deal, especially if the rest of your relationship is running normally/well.
I think it’s likely that if he was busy at work and working late, ‘Bob’ (random coworker/friend from work) could’ve approached him and said something along the lines of “Hey, I’m leaving work right now, wanna grab a drink with me?” and your SO went to relax a little bit. I also think it’s likely that he was just tired/stressed when he got home and forgot to mention it to you, especially if he was home late and y’all didn’t get a chance to talk much that night.
Having said that, I can see why it would irritate you. It’d probably irritate me too, tbh.
If you’re still thinking about it, just talk to him about it.