how would you react…

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
9149 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I usually don’t have a problem with bachelor parties but this would make me uncomfortable as well.  I would ask my FI not to attend and seriously reconsider the relationship if he didn’t respect me enough not to go.  The chances of him leaving when things get out of hand are slim to nil; the guys would never let him leave or live it down if he left in the middle of the party.  Better not to go at all.

Post # 4
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I get why you’re upset, I would be too but I don’t think it’s mental-breakdown worthy.

You need to trust your FI and come to a decision together. i know my husband wouldn’t be cool with that but freaking out at him wouldn’t help things. Just talk to him and let him know what they are planning.

Don’t totally freak until they decide what to do. This party isn’t even set in stone, is it?

Post # 6
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@brooklyn_bee:  I come from a very conservative background and I’d never allow my DH to go to a bachelor’s party even remotely like that. His brother had a pizza party! You two need to discuss this beforehand and given that he doesn’t have a car (I’m NYC too) I recommend him not going

Post # 7
5745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@brooklyn_bee:  Personally, it wouldn’t bother me.

However, my feelings are utterly irrelevant: the point is, it bothers you (and would, I’d suggest, bother most women; I’d say I’d be very much in the minority not caring) and understandably so. We are not talking a tame strip-club here; this is very different, we’re essentially talking a private, live, porn show.

You have every right not to want him to go; and he should totally, 100% respect that and not attend, end of story.

I also think that this is a ridiculous thing to plan, and is unfair on anyone attending who has a girlfriend/fiance/wife. Clearly, no thought has been given to those attending and the issues this might cause, and all for what? Some tacky porn show? yeah, I don’t get that.

Post # 8
7675 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would shut that down so fast. It’s so completely inappropriate…I mean strippers are one thing, but full on live shows in a private residence? Absolutely not.


Post # 10
9149 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@brooklyn_bee:  Yeah.  It’s not just about trusting your FI, that is just a trashy party where bad things are more likely to happen than at a strip club where there are actual rules.  I wouldn’t outright forbid him from going because he’s an adult and can whatever he wants.  But I would put all of my cards on the table and indicate that should he attend the party it may cause some major trust issues in our relationship that I may or may not be able to overcome.

Post # 11
4507 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@beachbride1216:  +1 agreed. I honestly would not want to marry someone who would go to a party like this. It just spells a lifetime of disagreement. It’s not something worth arguing over or trying to convince him of — he has to feel what the right thing is instinctively.

Post # 12
11761 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

All you can do is let him know how you feel about it.  The decision to go or not has to be his.  I’d never make my husband miss his brother’s bachelor party.  I trust my husband not to engage in any inappropriate behavior.  Watching others do it, whatever, as long as he’s not an active participant then fine.  My husband would never take a shot out of anyone’s vagina (including my own) so he wouldn’t do it with a stripper. If you trust him, there’s really nothing to be freaking out about.

Post # 15
5373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

Personally, I would NOT be okay with that at all. I definitely think your feelings are valid and I would have a hard time dealing with it as well. I don’t think it’s wrong at all to request that he doesn’t go. If this was my FI, I would have a tough time even believing that he would step outside if things started to get way out of hand. It’s not that I don’t trust my FI, it’s that I don’t trust his friend’s AT ALL and I know that they would try to pressure him into staying and not let him leave, etc. The shots and private show with the strippers are just way too inappropriate. I definitely think he should respect your wishes!

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