(Closed) How Would You React in This Situation….? (LONG RANT)

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should FI and I attend the wedding?
    Attend ceremony, but not the reception : (3 votes)
    9 %
    Attend both : (24 votes)
    73 %
    Decline invitation : (3 votes)
    9 %
    Other-Comment Below : (3 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    1333 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think you should absolutely attend the wedding.  The issue has ‘nothing’ to do with your Fiance and yourself, other than you were made privvy to the information, etc.  Although I find the bride to be incredibly rude, and feel your friend whom planned it is validated in feeling hurt, my best advice for YOU is to stay out of it.  Be supportive of your friend – the bride – by attend the shower/wedding, etc, and your friend – the scorned bridesmaid – by listening to her vent, but remain neutral from there!


    Post # 4
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015


    I personally wouldn’t attend the bride’s new shower.  I might still go to the wedding though.  It depends on whether or not you’d be interested in continuing your friendship with the bride.

    Post # 5
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @lovelylight99:  Attend the wedding, not the shower.


    Sorry about the rudness of the bride to your friend, but if you don’t want friction then I would recommend not listening to the gossip and rants about each other.

    Post # 7
    9142 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Do you want to maintain your friendship with the couple getting married at all?  If so, attend the ceremony and reception.  If you’re not sure, still attend both.  If you are over the friendship and see no way of saving it, then skip both.  I agree with PP, this is a disagreement between other parties and it’s best to not get involved and let them resolve their issues on their own.  They might bury the hatchet and return to being close friends by the wedding and if you and your SO don’t attend, it will cause unnecessary friction between you and the other couples.

    I would let the upset friend know that while you agree the bride’s behavior was inappropriate but some brides get a littel crazy close to their wedding so you aren’t going to punish her poor behavior and cause further problems by skipping the wedding.  Hopefully, in the future you will all have a good laugh about how much of a bridezilla the bride is being about her shower.

    Post # 9
    2685 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think you should skip the shower, attending the shower is only going to get you more involved in the drama.  I mean, the shower is the bride’s shower, but she was very disrespectful to the bridemaid who put in so much hard work into the shower.  It sounds like the bride needs some cooling-off time.  I think attending the wedding would be a better option.

    Post # 11
    8219 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would go to the wedding but not the shower.

    Post # 12
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    These two couples might work it all out in the end.  If you take a stand now and they work things out, awkward. 


    Sure you may not like their behavior, however you’re still friends with them, a nd their behavior has nothing to do with you.  I would probably not go to the shower, I hate those things anyway and any excuse to get out of one works for me.   As for the wedding I’d go and you don’t have to stay all night . 

    Post # 13
    9142 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    You and your SO need to be Switzerland and remain neutral.  That is the advice that worked best for my SO and I when his parents were separated and thinking about a divorce.  Ultimately, they made up and we were glad we didn’t take sides because neither his mom or dad held any suspicions or ill feelings towards us.

    Post # 15
    3825 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @lovelylight99:  If I were you, I wouldn’t attend the shower or the wedding but I would send a gift. I think your Fiance should attend the wedding ceremony and not stay for the reception. 


    I think that’s fair. 

    Post # 16
    2605 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @lovelylight99:  Wow.  The bride was just breathtakingly rude.  I just can’t even wrap my mind around the ingratitude and how insulting she was to a friend who was working so hard to please her. 

    That said, I don’t see what any of this has to do with you or your SO?  I mean, if you are just disgusted by the bride’s behavior (I am!) and don’t want to attend, decline. 

    I get the impression that your real concern is offending or hurting the shower girl and her husband?  Unless they have indicated that anyone who is friends with the bridal couple is no longer friends of theirs (which would be highly inappropriate), then I don’t think you need to be too concerned.  The husband of shower girl is still going to the wedding so he, at least, appears to be maintaining his friendship with the husband. 

    What’s your relationship to all involved?  If you’re close to shower girl and want to show solidarity with her, don’t go. 

    If you’re friends with the groom and want to support him on his wedding day, go. 

    Its really up to you but as I see it, this isn’t your rift and no one is forcing you to take sides. 

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