Post # 1
I recently married my wife (we are both females.) One of my aunts politely declined to attend, but she lives far away and we are not close so I was not all that surprised. The other day my mom asked if I’d seen the anti-gay stuff she had been posting on her facebook. I had not, and when I went and looked at her page, I still did not see it. Which means she had set it to a privacy level that did not include me.
On the one hand, I appreciate her at least having that level of concern/awareness. (Some of my other relatives have not had that courtesy and I even had to block one.) On the other hand, I don’t want to maintain a relationship, however superficial, with someone who thinks my marriage to my wife is an abomination/sin/disgusting/whatever. I just don’t want that negativity anywhere in my life.
If this were your relative, what would you do? Say something? Unfriend silently? Do nothing?
Post # 3
@moonadea: Pity her, unfriend her and commence with happy life.
Post # 4
Lol, what is that old saying…
“You can’t fix stupid”
Honestly, I’d just put them on my NOT INTERESTED IN List of acquaintances
Life is like this… as you grow older you get to decide WHO you want in your circle… be they Friends or Family
It is what it is… sad to understand sometimes, but will keep you sane if you surround yourself with loving supportive people than whatever else is out there… life is short… don’t sweat the small stuff… it truly is THEIR LOSS.
Post # 5
@axeyourmakeupkit: That’s what I’m leaning towards. Working on “pity” over “hurt” or “anger” but it’s hard sometimes.
@This Time Round: But boy how I wish you COULD fix stupid!
Post # 6
I probably would keep her, just don’t include her in your privacy settings.
It’s possible she will come around and ond day not be so bigoted, or something may happen (like if she has a tragedy/succcess you may want to be the bigger person and post on her wall).
But then I am friends with most of the people I knew high school, even if they are not completely awesome. Because I like to think that maybe we can get past those things!
Post # 7
My moms side of the family is completely racist, racist towards anything that isn’t white. So I don’t speak with them, why associate yourself with hate? My view is, family or not, if they constantly hurt u/abuse u or a spouse..don’t bother with them, they obviously lack respec . At the end of the day it really is their loss
Post # 8
@This Time Round: Love that! “You can’t fix stupid!”. It’s really quite true lol
Post # 9
I reckon you should post some of your beautiful wedding photos on her FB wall… just saying, your photos are stunning! ETA since she missed the wedding I am sure she’d want to see them 😉 it’s not like she’s shared her homophobia with you, so how would you know? 😉
Seriously though, I think I’d say something even if it’s just “I’m sad that you don’t want to share in my/our happiness…” *unfriend* (it needs more, sorry I’m not very eloquent today)
Post # 10
You know, I’m not sure what kind of spiritual beliefs you have, but I just figure that I’m gonna let God deal with stuff like that (or karma, or whatever). Obviously it’s much easier said than done, but you have to try and not let those people bother you. My God (which is the only reason I’ve ever heard against gay marriage-religion) would be a lot more upset if I hated anyone, especially family, for loving someone and finding happiness.
Anyway, I would just unfriend and forget about her.
Post # 11
@moonadea: Your lifestyle is your choice, no matter who agrees with it or not! People don’t have to agree with it but they need to respect u and your wife. Hope all works out for u 🙂 PS just incase there was any confusion about my comment above.. I was using Racism as an example of hate I’ve experianced, especially in my family. I had a bf and he was black. My relatives on my mom side refused to meet him all because of his colour of skin. How wrong is that?!?! Be the bigger person in this, as my sister says “kindness kills everytime”. Sorry you have to go through this.
Post # 12
@moonadea: It is hard. I’m an ally but too sensitive for my own good. I unfriendly my own family and friends for this kind of crap. And I tell them why. Life is long but too short to allow anyone to make you feel bad.
I for one am thankful she didn’t attend your stunning wedding.
Post # 13
RE – You can’t fix stupid…
TO Chelsea646: – Not mine, the Quote belongs to comedian Ron White.
TO moonadea: – YES the world would be a much better place all around if we could… but sadly we can’t so we just have to live what what we have (even if that means avoiding them at all costs).
Post # 14
It sounds like the negativity wasn’t in your life until your mom pointed it out. If you don’t see her postings anyway, I feel like it won’t make a difference whether you unfriend her. I don’t know, I’d not worry about it and just be glad I don’t ever see her.
Post # 15
My FI is trans FTM. He’s also white and I’m black. Most people in our families don’t support our relationship for various reasons but they won’t say it to our faces. We tend to shrug it off. The people that really love us are happy and supportive even if our lifestyle isn’t what they would make for themselves. At this point neither of our parents are invited to the wedding for that reason. We only want people there who are genuinely happy for us despite our gender or race. Everyone else can suck it. I’d unfriend the aunt and be done with it. Just like pp have said you can pick and chose who to allow into your life. Someone who doesn’t support my marriage wouldn’t be in mine even on Facebook.
Post # 16
@ladyartichoke: I like this idea! 😉
I’d just unfriend her. If she asks you can always just tell her that you don’t associate yourself with bigots.