(Closed) How would you react to relatives who were bigoted, but not to your face?

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@moonadea:  Pity her, unfriend her and commence with happy life.

Post # 4
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Lol, what is that old saying…

“You can’t fix stupid”

Honestly, I’d just put them on my NOT INTERESTED IN List of acquaintances

Life is like this… as you grow older you get to decide WHO you want in your circle… be they Friends or Family

It is what it is… sad to understand sometimes, but will keep you sane if you surround yourself with loving supportive people than whatever else is out there… life is short… don’t sweat the small stuff… it truly is THEIR LOSS.

 

Post # 6
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I probably would keep her, just don’t include her in your privacy settings.

It’s possible she will come around and ond day not be so bigoted, or something may happen (like if she has a tragedy/succcess you may want to be the bigger person and post on her wall).

But then I am friends with most of the people I knew high school, even if they are not completely awesome. Because I like to think that maybe we can get past those things!

Post # 7
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My moms side of the family is completely racist, racist towards anything that isn’t white. So I don’t speak with them, why associate yourself with hate? My view is, family or not, if they constantly hurt u/abuse u or a spouse..don’t bother with them, they obviously lack respec . At the end of the day it really is their loss

Post # 8
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@This Time Round:  Love that! “You can’t fix stupid!”. It’s really quite true lol

Post # 9
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I reckon you should post some of your beautiful wedding photos on her FB wall… just saying, your photos are stunning! ETA since she missed the wedding I am sure she’d want to see them ๐Ÿ˜‰ it’s not like she’s shared her homophobia with you, so how would you know? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Seriously though, I think I’d say something even if it’s just “I’m sad that you don’t want to share in my/our happiness…” *unfriend* (it needs more, sorry I’m not very eloquent today)

Post # 10
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

You know, I’m not sure what kind of spiritual beliefs you have, but I just figure that I’m gonna let God deal with stuff like that (or karma, or whatever). Obviously it’s much easier said than done, but you have to try and not let those people bother you. My God (which is the only reason I’ve ever heard against gay marriage-religion) would be a lot more upset if I hated anyone, especially family, for loving someone and finding happiness. 

Anyway, I would just unfriend and forget about her. 

Post # 11
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@moonadea:  Your lifestyle is your choice, no matter who agrees with it or not! People don’t have to agree with it but they need to respect u and your wife. Hope all works out for u ๐Ÿ™‚ PS just incase there was any confusion about my comment above.. I was using Racism as an example of hate I’ve experianced, especially in my family. I had a bf and he was black. My relatives on my mom side refused to meet him all because of his colour of skin. How wrong is that?!?! Be the bigger person in this, as my sister says “kindness kills everytime”. Sorry you have to go through this.

Post # 12
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@moonadea:  It is hard.  I’m an ally but too sensitive for my own good.  I unfriendly my own family and friends for this kind of crap.  And I tell them why.  Life is long but too short to allow anyone to make you feel bad. 

I for one am thankful she didn’t attend your stunning wedding.

Post # 13
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

RE – You can’t fix stupid…

TO Chelsea646: – Not mine, the Quote belongs to comedian Ron White.

TO moonadea:  – YES the world would be a much better place all around if we could… but sadly we can’t so we just have to live what what we have (even if that means avoiding them at all costs).

 

Post # 14
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like the negativity wasn’t in your life until your mom pointed it out. If you don’t see her postings anyway, I feel like it won’t make a difference whether you unfriend her. I don’t know, I’d not worry about it and just be glad I don’t ever see her.

Post # 15
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My FI is trans FTM. He’s also white and I’m black. Most people in our families don’t support our relationship for various reasons but they won’t say it to our faces. We tend to shrug it off. The people that really love us are happy and supportive even if our lifestyle isn’t what they would make for themselves. At this point neither of our parents are invited to the wedding for that reason. We only want people there who are genuinely happy for us despite our gender or race. Everyone else can suck it. I’d unfriend the aunt and be done with it. Just like pp have said you can pick and chose who to allow into your life. Someone who doesn’t support my marriage wouldn’t be in mine even on Facebook.

Post # 16
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

@ladyartichoke:  I like this idea! ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’d just unfriend her. If she asks you can always just tell her that you don’t associate yourself with bigots.

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