Post # 1
Two friends of mine just got engaged. AMAZING. So happy for them! Simultaneously, however, I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach, I feel like my heart is beating super fast and I feel like I might cry. I’ve read a million posts on here like this before so I know this is a totally normal (though admittedly irrational) way that a lot of waiting bees often feel.
So, my killer of a question to you is….
How would you explain these feelings to my SO? How can we, as waiting bees, try to explain to a not-ready-yet SO what waiting feels like and how antsy we can get and how little things like other people getting engaged (that obviously don’t affect our own timelines) can hurt?
Post # 3
So far I’ve told him “I think I’d feel better if I had a timeline”, to which he replied, “are you talking about Facebook?” *facepalm*
Post # 4
@VickyAurea:I think that’s completely fair. He should absolutely be able to provide a timeline, even if he says it won’t be another 5 years. That way, you won’t bother each other with your expectations because you’ll be on the same page. It’s not fair to either of you NOT to have a timeline. Even if he can’t give you a number of years, he should be able to give you a milestone (ie, once you’re living together, once he has x amount of money saved, once he achieves his career goals, etc).
Post # 5
@redheadem: We have a vague timeline, but yeah, that’s more for when we’ll get married than engaged.
But seriously, how can I explain what waiting feels like? Because I see people writing a lot “oh men just don’t get it”. Well, I like to think that anyone could get it if we told them in ways they’d understand. So how can I explain the rollercoaster of emotions that the waiting process involves to my SO, for whom waiting is a total non-issue because he is the one who will be proposing eventually?
Post # 6
Explain it to him like interviewing for his dream job and having to wait for their answer whether or not they are going to hire him.
Or waiting for his favorite video game to come out.
Or waiting for something else he really wants but has no control over when he gets.
Post # 7
Being in limbo.
Knowing deep inside that this thing you are waiting for will eventually arrive, but that the intervening minutes are still dragged out into agonising seconds of self-doubt, worry, heart-wrenching moments of hope and then the inevitable crushing downfall. The irrational comparisons to others and their relationships to no conceivable purpose. Having to put all your trust and desires to a plan you have no control over. Being completely in the dark about one of your biggest dreams, and not being able to put into action your plans for the future.
This might be in my most dramatic silly times of the month you understand 😉
Post # 8
Just be honest with him and explain it as simply and honestly as you can. And try not to lose your head, definitely doesn’t help…
Maybe show him some jewellery shops, to give him an idea/hint?
Post # 9
Although I was not a waiting bee, I was waiting for a proposal before I found WeddingBee and I didn’t have anxiety over waiting or bottled up feelings because when I was thinking about getting engaged I talked to my Fiance about it. If I was having a bad day because of it then we talked about it. if I was just daydreaming about it then we talked about it. We talked about it A LOT because it was important to me. I see a lot of posts that say to keep it to yourself and give him time and space but I honestly feel that communication is the greatest thing for a relationship and you need to tell him how you are feeling. Talking about it will help him understand and also bring your relationship more clarity and closeness. Tell him you want to be engaged and you want to start the rest of your lives together being married, not dating.
Post # 10
@Mrs.SleepyKitty: BINGO. You hit the nail on the head. That is how it feels. Precisely, yes.
@Lucille_628: Definitely! I’m talking to him about it and trying to explain how it can be that I can feel both happy and sad about our two wonderful friends getting engaged.
@OrchidsandCandles: Yeah, I’m trying to talk to him about positive things, like which rings we both like, since we can’t move forward really, as it isn’t a good idea for us to get engaged for about a year really. I know that, deep down. 🙂
Post # 11
I’m so sorry, but I love his first response is about Facebook–classic!!!
Post # 12
@andilene: Hahahaha I know 😀
Post # 13
I feel in a similar situation. The day I thought my SO was going to propose but didn’t, my friend called me to say she was engaged. It was really hard to hear and I did not responnd in a very positive way due to my shock.
Well, that phone conversation led to a break down in fron tof my SO and a long discussion where I learned he had not progressed much int he past year and was still uncomfortable feeling pressured to propose. It was really hard, and I had to work very hard to earn back my friendship, all because I couldn’t just openly talk with my SO and had bottled it up until it exploded.
I explained to him that it is crushing because I feel like I have not been chosen to be his wife, period. I want him to choose me. Make it known that he has chosen me, and be proud of his decision. The delay in proposing makes me feel unworthy or not good enough to be chosen. He seemed to understand this and was heartbroken I felt this way. Maybe your SO will understand how you feel if you explain it this way?
Either way, I hope you can mae him understand.
Post # 14
A close friend from high school (who also happens to be a still current neighbor) just officially announced her engagement via Facebook. So happy for her! But so crushed on the inside ;_; I’ve come here to wallow
Post # 15
I know exactly how you feel. My older brother, 26 proposed to his now fiancÃ©e, 32 on December 7, 2011. So it is still very very fresh. I received the news via text msg from his fiancÃ©e right after he proposed.. More on that below..
I actually didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t have anyone to share it with, I was at work so I couldn’t outwardly express my feelings either. I’m currently in a different city than my brother, but they came to visit in November. I saw my father that night and just wanted to share it with him and he just responded with “I know, he ordered the ring two and a half months ago.” To be honest I was pretty pissed off. I feel as family, we have the privilege of knowing something as big as a proposal is coming up.. Like the purchase of an e-ring. Being a sister, and his only sister, you would think that is information I would like him to share with me. I was excited and happy for a short moment. I really like his fiancÃ©e, she’s a great woman, but I have some deep rooted issues with my family. Being Asian, it’s hard to have our father be proud of us. It doesn’t help that my father is very traditional as well. The son is number 1 (especially because they pass the family name) which is very true in my case. He gets everything. I was, angry, jealous, sad, probably every emotion under the sun. My SO is 31 and we have been together a little longer than they have, but my bother is financially more “fortunate” than my SO. Let’s say daddy helps my brother a lot financially…
I got home and suddenly bursted out in tears! I’m lucky that my SO will sit and listen to me. I told him everything and he expressed that he was actually jealous of my brother. He says it’s because my brother is spoiled, and probably got financial help from my father, and my SO never experienced anything like that. My SO has dropped hints about purchasing an e-ring, and we often talk about getting married so naturally I wish it was me… A couple days ago my father told me that my brother is already looking at venues and has planned the wedding for October 24, 2012. The news is still eating at me.. Until the day I have an e-ring on my finger I will have this weird inexplicable feeling inside ='(
Post # 16
@Lucille_628: I can honestly say that while this may have worked for her…it will NOT work for everyone. My SO does not want to feel pressured into proposing. And the fact that it is on my mind every day means i would have to tell him EVERY day that i’m still waiting. Most guys dont want to be put in that situation.
I told my SO that it felt like i was in limbo not knowing if he was seriuos about marriage or committement with me. I really liked the analogy of waiting to hear if you got a dream job. Or waiting to see if you passed your final exam of college or something.