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If the couple is committed (i.e. married) and can most certainly sustain themselves and potential offspring, how young is too young to have children?
That's a personal decision. The only thing the other Bees can do for you -- is give their opinion.
@Summy00: Right, but that's what I'm going for. An opinion. Btw, I'm not actively TTC, I'm just curious ;)
Obviously, much depends on the maturity level of the potential parents. However if they are mentally capable of dealing with parenthood, married, and fully financially self-sufficient, I think that 18 is a good minimum, just so that they are both legally adults themselves.
I honestly think it really depends on the person/situation.
I was 19 when my daughter was born. It was TOUGH! So much has changed since then, including the way I think.
Was I too young when I had my daughter? Yes because I was a high school drop out, was in an abusive relationship and had no money.
With that said, there are 28 year old "adults" who are in that same situation.
Honestly, I think that once you're out of high school, if you want to have a baby then go for it.
Now, are we talking about actively TTC or "oops" babies? Because I'd find it a little odd if an 18 year old was TTC, but I wouldn't judge.
I don't foreclose the possibility of someone of any age being good parents, if they can support their child. That being said... it seems like in an ideal world you'd be at least 20 so you had a year or two out of your parents' house to figure out the world before you tried to show someone else the world. But I think its just really personal. Some women could probably be great moms at 18. I'm 26 and I still don't feel mature enough. :)
I had my son at 19 and I was a single parent. I have not had the easiest life but I wouldn't change a thing regarding having him. On the other foot I have friends who keep waiting for the right time to have a child and they are now in their thirties wondering if it is too late.
I think this similar to the questions of "when is too young to marry?" Imo, there's no magic number. Some people are just ready (emotionally, physically, financially, etc...) sooner than others.
For me, though, having a baby at 25 has been just about perfect. :)
@beekiss: Hmm.. I don't know if that would change my answer or not. Probably not. I still say as long as you graduated high school beforehand.
@Mrs. Spring: It sounds great to have children at 24/25 to me, but I'm curious if people think that's too young and thus judge them negatively for it even if they have the emotional and financial capabilities to have children.
Yeah as long as your mature enough to understand the time and personal sacrafice that goes into have children, adn willing to do it, and they can financially support them, whatever age that is.
Right off the top of my head, I think anything less than 23 just seems so young to be having a child. But there are too many exceptions of really great parents who are younger than that, I know it's not the truth.
I have a very good friend whose only real plan in life was to become a mother. And as soon as she could. Luckily, she found her husband right out of high school and he was a few years older, ready to settle down, and they got pregnant when she was 20. I thought she was out of her mind, but they now have 3 beautiful kids who she adores. She is a stay at home mom and really feels like this was her calling.
I know I couldn't have handled it, but if that's what you want, it's not my place to judge.
Obviously circumstances and personalities differ, but my general rule of thumb is 21 or less feels too young.
@beekiss: I doubt people judge someone who is 24 for having kids. That certainly seems old enough to have the emotional and financial stability to have a child. Lots of people want to have kids relatively young because they want a lot of them or they like the idea of being "young parents." There is certainly something appealing about the idea of getting your kids out of the house by the time you're in your mid-40s! But I think you're always just trading one period of your life for another. If you have kids young you get to be the "cool young mom" and you get to be an empty-nester while you're still really young. Plus you're more likely to get to enjoy your grandkids and great grandkids.
If you have kids older you get to experience more of your 20s "free" and maybe build more of a career. Your family will probably be more financially stable, you can give your kids more "stuff" or experiences, and you might be a more calm and patient person.
@bree72: That's great! I also agree with you and many other posters that maturation and life goals plays a huge part in it.
Thank you everyone who has posted! It is a deeply personal choice.
I'm not sure age is a good deciding factor - I would say that at this point, I am more emotionally and financially secure, and have accomplished more in my life (school, jobs, etc) than my 46 year old mother.
I think if you can support yourself and your child without relying on help from an outside source (including the government, or family members), then you're on the right track. Hopefully you have a good, healthy emotional household as well.
For me, I can't imagine having children before 25. I have a friend who is 21 and pregnant, after having been married for less than a year and I would die, but that's just me and where I stand.
I'm going to have to agree with CorgiTales and say that about age 20 is the earliest I think one could be "old enough" to have kids. I think that you should be living on your own (aka not in your parent's house) and be financially self-sufficient for a few years before you start actively TTC and bringing children into the world. And for many people, that combination doesn't happen until much later than age 20 even.
Obviously some people have "oopsies" before that and ultimately everything works out alright even if it's hard. But 20 to me seems like the earliest that it could possibily seem reasonable.
ETA: That said, I don't plan to TTC until age 26-27.
Well I personally wasn't ready until maybe about a year ago, which would make me 28. But some people are obviously ready way earlier. We know of more than one couple who had an oops baby incredibly young and have become great parents. They just made it work. I know they wouldn't have chosen it that way, but their lives and their kids' lives haven't turned out half bad. Also, one of my closest friends was an oops baby to very young parents. She loved her childhood, and she feels like she relates really well to her parents b/c the age difference between them is not so huge.
I guess this is my long way of saying that it's a personal decision and what's right for one person won't be right for someone else.
I tend to shudder at anyone under 27 with kids. But I am very extreme about this topic and realize that my stance is kinda irrational, so to each her own. In general I feel that the journey to child rearing should be a very VERY VERY long and thoughtful one (barring any infertility issues). I have found that in my life, I see people do it cause it's just what they are supposed to do cause babies are so cute and "duh" motherhood is the next step and my mom wants to be a grandma. I dont think there is enough thought about the emotional, mental, financial, and even environmental ramifications of bringing a child into this world. (6.4 billion people and counting..........) I'm not advocating that people not have children to save the earth (just in case someone jumps on me for that lol) but it's certainly interesting IMO. Also, I dont see people in my life really thinking about the life they want to be give their kids and personal emotional and financial issues that need to be worked out prior to this.
If I had kids right now (25) they would be 'fine' Im sure, but I dont think they would be the rockstars they could be as if I waited. Im not the rock star I want to be yet, so certainly I couldn't invest in them as much as I should.
I probably wont feel ready to have a child for at least another decade, as risky as that is.
Ignore my rantings.
I honestly think that it has everything to do with maturity level/season of life that the couple are in. I know some people who, just because of their personalities and attitudes, probably would be just as irresponsible parents if they had their children at 40. On the other hand, there are some people who would be mature enough to be parents even if they were to have a child at a young age. I've really seen it go both ways.
I do also think that both people should be able to support themselves and be completely financially independent from parents, etc. before they have children in a perfect case scenario. Like PP have said, there are definitely "oopsies" situations where that hasn't been the case but because of the maturity level of the person having the baby they've been able to make it work. I think that's usually the exception to the rule though.
My sister had her daughter (my neice) when she was 18. Yeah, it was hard but she's a great mom. I'm 27 and I don't think I'll ever be as good as she is.
To answer your question, maybe people under the age of 16. When they can't get a job to provide for their baby.
I was 18 when I got pregnant with my son... I was definitely mature enough to handle it but his father was definitely not (and years later- now that my son is nearly 7, his dad thinks of him as a play thing and wants to be the super hero parent always making me out to be a bad person for making my son do his homework and clean up after himself) This is where the big problems for me are... His dad is 23 and can't grow up to be his father he wants to stay his friend. Ugh. I can't vote because I know I was grown up enough at 18 but his dad still is not at 23.
FI isn't ready for kids yet. He's 21. I would be ready for kids any day now and I'll be 23 in October, but I've known for years that I wanted to be a mom. Not because "babies are cute" or "it's the next step" but because I believe in my heart that my calling is motherhood. Some people know that they want to be doctors... some know they want to be chefs.... etc. I just feel I was meant to be a mother. I feel like I would be cheating myself out of a dream if I did not have children.
I realize times are different now but my mom had all 3 of us kids by the time she was 22. She thinks its CRAZY that I don't want kids until at least a year from now (going to be 26 soon).
My aunt (34) is pregnant with her second baby. She wasn't ready for baby #1...heck I don't think she was ready for marriage :) All that said I can't say I don't feel a little uneasy seeing young people (under 20) with kids. My friend got married and had 2 babies right out of college, I believe she was 20 when she got pregnant with her first and I don't think she was too young but it wasn't easy for her.
Soooo I don't think I can really put a number on it, there are always exceptions.
I'm an ageist 
I don't judge people on how young or old they are when they have kids. I do look askance at much younger parents though but more because I don't see lot of them in my circle than because of the fact that thye are younger parents. Most of my friends married in their late 20's early 30's and are just now having kids. However, if you are old enough, then why not?
I have a number of friends who have already had children (some with multiples) and we're 25. Most are great parents and were ready for that next step but for me personally, I say under 25 is too young. I just feel like there's so much to do and see in your early 20's that having a baby would be a burden (just my opinion). Live life and experience all that you can before children tie you down.
Ok given its clearly personal, since you are looking for opinions, I think anytime in your late 20s onwards. That way you have a chance to live your own life as an adult, work on your career, be stable and just be you.
That said, I think you can be an awesome parent younger depending on who you are- my SIL had one at 18 and she and her husband are amazing parents and their kid is phenomenal...its just most of the people I personally know who had kids early feel like they missed out on some living first :) but I certainly don't think they are any less great as parents for having been younger.
I have this huge drawn, much like Potatoes, to having children and being a parent. It's something that I've been thinking a lot about and there are other things that just don't seem all that appealing to me like travel, career, accruing stuff, and most certainly, I've never enjoy partying/going to bars almost to the detriment of a social life.
I just don't want to be a selfish parent (which I've seen at all ages) or have kids for selfish reasons (it's the next step or they're cute), I want to be wise and mature about the whole thing because that's what any child deserves. I also don't want any offspring to regret when I choose to have them or hold resentment towards me while they grow up--financially and emotionally, I want them to have all their needs met. Wisdom/maturation can sometimes be correlated to age but at the same time, there are great parents who are young and terrible ones who are older.
Maybe I'm overthinking this? But shouldn't having children require this much thought b/c it's a human! Ugh, I could spend hours thinking about it. Sometimes, it's easier to just say [to myself], hey you're under 25 so don't even think about it. Self-doubt shouldn't be acceptable if I'm having children.
@Aubergold:Also, I dont see people in my life really thinking about the life they want to be give their kids and personal emotional and financial issues that need to be worked out prior to this.
I totally agree. This is why I run my big mouth when someone has something to say about me being 30, with 2 degrees, a home and job and my 33 yr old SO with his degree and job(although looking for one in his field) and we aren't married yet BUT 23yr old cousin and his 20 yr old wife with 2 kids go out to clubs and get into fights, get the police called on them, etc and it's all gravy. DUDE. Look at the train wreck their kids are on, but it's all good b/c they are married? I'm sure I'll get flamed, but oh,well. Hormones make me not care anymore.LOL.
I think too young is not being able to FULLY support yourself. If you have to have mommy and daddy bail you out, that's too young. I can see if you got laid off and things crashed, butnot in everyday life. I wasn't ready to have kids until I was 28 to tell you the truth. Most women I know are 1st time moms with me right now at 30.I know at least 3 others off the top of my head. :)
@MsMamaBear: I agree with that. My FSIL and FBIL are getting ready to have their third child and are still living off of my Fiance's parents. I would never want to impose on other people and likewise, my (future) kids don't deserve that.
Much like marriage, I think that having kids should wait until your brain stops developing/maturing-- which I think I read once was somewhere in the early 20s. (Could totally be wrong on that though.) Like in young people, the hormones in a pregnant woman effect every part of our body it seems. So it seems like it would be wise to wait until the body finishes maturing before bringing in a whole new level/kind of hormones. Additionally, 18 yr old bodies are still growing/maturing-- and pregnancy is hard on the body. SO-- I'd say mid-20s, just from a physical standpoint, is best. Beyond that, I think when is too young to have children varies by the person.
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