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how's this one for ridiculous?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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    1.
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    monalisa670    August 2009   Boston

    So, we did not invite any "kids" with the exception of my 2 first cousins (age 16 and 12) and my fiance's neices and nephew who are in the wedding (age 3,5, and 8). We did this because we already invited 350 people and if we invited everyone's kids, even adolescents, we'd have easily invited 450+. Anyway my dad's cousin has been REALLY upset by this (us not inviting his 13 yo son) and has been talking behind our backs about it to everyone who will listen..his parents RSVP'd no becaue of it (but now changed their response and are grudgingly coming), etc. Well, after calling like every family member to make sure we hadn't lied when we explained that we just did no kids across the board, we heard that now he is saying that he is bringing his son anyway and will share his meal and seat with him.

    Whaaaaat?!?!?!

    How rude is that? And they are missing the whole point! It's not that we can't afford one more meal, its that we are trying to be consistent and DON'T WANT ALL THESE KIDS! It is an adult affair! I'm so mad! My mom thinks I should just be rude back, and be cool at the wedding... she is livid. My dad is offended that they are being so rude about it and taking it so personal. I don't know what to do. I'm tempted to call this guy myself and say something, but I don't really even know him. Any advice on how to handle it???

     
    2.
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    tippy    August 7, 2010   Philadelphia, wedding in Northern NJ

    Ugh your dad's cousin has some nerve! Here are some things I would consider doing:

    -have your dad talk to him since you don't know him well. he can *gently* explain the no kids rule to him. again.

    -let him bring his son and be the only person with their kid there, and just let it go and be the bigger person

    -if you have a day of coordinator there, she can explain the no kids rule at the door :) 

    Good luck!!

     
    3.
    Member
    740 posts
    Busy bee
    ladybuglove    October 23, 2010  

    arghhh! that is so frustrating. now, sit back, relax and take a breather.

    i am in the same boat as you and anticipate one or two people doing the same thing. this is how i am going to handle it:

    rude guest: i know the invite says adult reception, but can i bring my kid(s)?

    me: not, it's an adult reception.

    rude guest: is it because of the cost? i can pay for my kid(s).

    me: no, it's an adult reception.

    rude guest: ok. then, i can't make it because i don't have a sitter.

    me: oh, well when i sent out the std's 9 months a go, and the invitations 3 months ago, i specifically noted that it would be an adult reception so that people can make arrangements accordingly. i can help you find a sitter.

    rude guest: no, i think we just won't go.

    me: well, sorry to hear that. thanks for understanding.

    now, if i hear through the grapevine they are still planning on coming with their kid(s), i would call them (or have my parents, FI, or Fi's parents call, depending on whose closest to them) and explain that it is an adult reception and it's perfectly understandable if they can't make it, but we will not tolerate their rudeness.

    good luck!! maybe there should be a psa (public service announcement) for this?? ....lol.

     
    4.
    14,581 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Wow. Have your dad take care of it---it's HIS cousin. That makes you pretty extended relatives in the long scheme of things.

    I'd definitely have the DOC or somebody at the venue stipulate that anybody with kids (besides the two in the wedding) are not allowed

    If he shows up anyways, he's going to look pretty silly trying to share his seat with a child, when obviously, you've called and so graciously explained to all the other parents.

    He'll just look like a big, rude, ignorant guest.

     
    5.
    1,250 posts
    Bumble bee
    LovestheBear    July 2011  

    You should ask your dad to call him.  I think that a phone call would catch him off guard.  Most people are not comfortable being called out for their poor judgement or ridiculous behavior.  I have a feeling that if your dad were to let him know that you are really concerned about this, he will rethink his decision.

     
    6.
    Member
    797 posts
    Busy bee
    northernazbride    August 1, 2009   Arizona

    I think that is totally rude and very strange behavior on your cousin's part. I feel bad for his son. I mean if this guy drags his uninvited son to your wedding he's going to be bored to tears hanging out with a bunch of adults and probably feeling pretty awkward being the only kid there. Some people only think of themselves...

     
    7.
    Member
    5,927 posts
    Bee Keeper
    eloping    May 23, 2010  

    i agree, totally call the guy out on this one. i would have your dad phone him and ask are you planning on bringing your son to the wedding because its an adult event only.

    do you have a DOC for the day that can stand guard and show them the door if they arrive on the day anyways?

    geez, how rude - when did it become necessary to have security to guard a guest list!

     

     
    8.
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    monalisa670    August 2009   Boston

    Thanks for the advice ladies! I know! It's terrible!! I'm going to have my dad call but my dad is too nice. He does agree that the kid can't come though so hopefully he'll be good at addressing it. And yes we have a DOC who will have to be on guard for things like this... It's so aggravating. It's amazing how much you learn about people from weddings!!!

     

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